Monday, July 14, 2008

Finding Balance?

I did get to spend those couple of hours with Jesus last Tuesday, and what a blessing they were. My world has seemed so off balance over the last month; I needed the time to connect with the one who calmed the sea! I'm sure to people passing by on the highway, I looked most peculiar with my arms outstretched in worship and my head bowed over the picnic table. But I didn't care in the least. The truth is, in that solitude, in that stillness, in that nobody-else-exists-or-matters-but-Jesus-and-me moment, I found myself again. And my identity, although MIA over the last month, was found still set securely in him, as his daughter, servant and friend.

I think that's because, as much as I wanted to focus on my feelings and my needs, I tried very hard to focus on Who he is. (Not an easy feat.) I spent time in Bible study and prayer, honestly reflecting on a couple of instructions he has given in his word, and whether or not I am being obedient to those commands. Then, I plugged the ear buds into my ears and played two songs over and over that simply talked about him. One was Hillsong's I Adore. Look at the lyrics:
The universe is at Your feet
Gives You praise evermore
The stars will light the sky for You
Always, God be praised
And we sing
The Lord is on high
The Lord is on high

I adore You; I adore You
And there's none that compares
To Your majesty, oh Lord
I adore You; I adore You
And I stand in the wonder of Your love

We will crown You King forever
Living Savior, Jesus Redeemer
Lord of heaven, Robed in majesty
Crowned in glory, creation adores You

Holy, holy God almighty
And forever the Lord is exalted
Hear the angels shout His anthem
Ever living,
God we adore You
Not much room for me in there, huh?

I also prayed this song by Watermark: Captivate Us.
Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You

Your voice is powerful
And Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
And Your fellowship is free
Draw me closer O my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

Let everything be lost in the shadows
Of the light of Your face
Let every chain be broken from me
As I’m bound in Your grace
For Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You’re full of wisdom, power and might
And every eye will see You
John the Baptist said, "He [Jesus] must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30). While I know he was making reference to Jesus' public prominence versus his own public ministry (and therefore instructing us to act in the same humility), I think this principle still applies in our thought lives, worship and prayer, too. If I'm self-absorbed as I sing songs about what he's done for me and think and pray only about what concerns me or those I care about, you can hardly call that worship and adoration of our Creator. I'm still exalting myself; I'm still putting myself in a "greater" place of prominence. Certainly he tells us to bring our needs before him, but too often my "worship" is unbalanced, whether surreptitiously or unintentionally, I prevent myself from "becom[ing] less."

I wonder if my life would be more balanced if my worship were. It's certainly worth trying.

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