Premise #3 - An Affair to Remember

The final premise of Captivating:Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul is that all women long to be swept up in romance. Now let me begin by saying that this doesn't mean that every female needs a male significant-other in her life. In other words, a teenage girl doesn't need a boyfriend, nor does a woman need to be married. What this means is that every woman longs to be seen and desired, sought after and fought for. Wanted.

The first men to fill that role in our lives, should, ideally, be our daddies. I am so grateful to the Lord that he blessed me with a father who, because of a committed relationship with God and my mom, showered his love upon me. I never had to question whether or not my dad wanted me around. Sure, I got in the way sometimes (a six-year-old can be a pain when you're trying to build a house), and there were many times I disappointed him (oh, I'm not supposed to punch my sister?), but I never doubted that he was glad I existed in his life. Unfortunately, too many women grow up without that assurance and as a result, they live with a quiet fear that they are undesirable. This ends up manifesting itself in many ways. Some women become reclusive and fearful, others reach out for anyone who will give them a sense of value. Still others overcompensate for the emptiness by being "strong," even masculine (I don't need anyone to need me.)

In a perfect world, for those who are married, a husband should assume this role in a woman's life. But, let's be honest, it doesn't always turn out that way. I have a friend who believed her husband would be that kind of man, but instead he became more interested in nurturing their pocketbook and less interested in nurturing her soul. Married less than7 years, they filed for divorce a few months ago. It took longer than I would have preferred to find Darin, who offers that sense of belonging to me, but it was certainly worth the wait.

But what about those women who have never married, or are not yet married? Are they destined to live neglected in this area of romance? Absolutely not. Single women have a unique place in the heart of God, I believe. Consider for a moment the ministry of Jesus as related to Mary and Martha. Whom did Jesus allow to anoint his feet with tears and dry with her hair? Who's meals did he apparently enjoy eating from time to time?! Who's brother did he raise from the dead so that in a culture dependent upon male relationship, they would be safely provided for? A single woman has the opportunity for a unique relationship with God that has no parallels for a married woman.

Single or married, we as women must begin to recognize that "the truest thing about [God's] heart toward [ours] is not disappointment or disapproval but deep, fiery, passionate love. Faithful obedience to God is vital, but it is not all God draws us to. It is not sufficient for our healing, no more than doing the laundry is sufficient for a marriage."1 If we'll open our hearts to the possibility, we'll find that God has been wooing us ever since we were little girls. "The story of your life is the story of the long and passionate pursuit of your heart by the One who knows you best and loves you most."2

Consider every song, memory, and moment that moves you to holy tears as having been given from the One who has been pursuing you from your first breath. "God's version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; swaying trees, lush gardens and fierce devotion. He knows what takes your breath away and makes your heart beat faster."3

Let the Great Romeo romance your heart, Juliet. It will be an affair to remember for eternity.

1. Captivating:Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul, p. 113.
2. ibid., p. 115
3. ibid., p. 116

Goofy Word Game

For those who like puzzles and/or word games, check out this stupid, yet challenging one:

http://club.live.com/chicktionary.aspx

Premise #2 - Quest for Adventure

Today I'm revisiting the second premise of John and Stasi Eldredge's Captivating:Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul: all women desire to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure. Now again, I'll agree that it sounds rather like a fairy-tale, but upon examining my life and the stories I love, I again find evidence of this desire in day-to-day living.

Confession: I am a huge fan of "chick-flicks." But not just the mushy ones. I want the stories where the heroine plays a vital role in the plot that no one else could have played. I'll even pick on a couple of my favorites. When Lucy rescues Peter from the tracks of the on-coming train in While You Were Sleeping, she was the only person available to save him (if you don't count the guys who mugged and shoved him onto the tracks in the first place). Her life was never the same again as a result of that moment. Not only did she find love and companionship in Jack, but she had opportunity to see a dream fulfilled by visiting Florence, Italy. And in Beauty and the Beast, lonely Belle, in spite of her initial fears, defends and fights for the beast against the angry mob. Because she found companionship, trustworthiness, and love, she also became the only one who could precipitate his change from beast to man.

Both heroines were (1) needed; (2) willing to take risks; (3) bold in the face of danger, though vulnerable to attack; (4) conscientious of the relationships involved; and (5) desirous of a new hope and fulfillment. Every woman wants these things for her life. We want to be needed by others; we are willing to take risks and be bold, knowing all the while how vulnerable our hearts really are; we are acutely aware of the health of the relationships around us; and we all have hopes and dreams we desire to see fulfilled.

Women need the reminder from those we love that we are indeed irreplaceable, that no one else can be to the people in our lives what we can be to them. That what we have to offer is of value. But every woman also wants to know that the hum-drum of life doesn't have to be "enough." Why else would we want to start businesses, swim the English Channel, go to school, travel to other parts of the world, or, yes, take tap dance lessons? Those are our "adventures," great or small.

So what adventure is God calling me to today? What role does he need for me to play that no one else can do just like I can? Will I say with Mary, "I am [your] servant, and I am willing to accept whatever [you] want. May everything you have said come true." (Luke 1:38)?

God, help me to believe with assurance that I am uniquely designed by you to touch lives and accomplish your purposes, and that to fulfill these roles will be the adventure of a lifetime.

Premise #1 - Beauty Is More Than Skin Deep

Last Spring, I participated in a ladies' discipleship study by John and Stasi Eldredge called Captivating:Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul. The premises of the book, using scriptural bases, are that all women (1) want to believe they are beautiful; (2) desire to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure; and (3) long to be swept up in romance.

While that may sound rather fairy-tale-like at first, when I examine my life more closely, I find evidences of those desires in day-to-day living. Over the next few days, I'm going to explore again what that means in my life. I'll start with the first one: (1) wanting to believe I'm beautiful.

When I got up this morning, I showered, dressed, fixed my hair and put on make-up. Three days a week, I spend time exercising. Most days, I don't indulge in 10,000 M&Ms. (Most days!) Do I do all this because it's fun? Not really. Do I neglect any of these from time to time? Sure! There are a million reasons why I do or don't do these things, but the bottom-line truth is that I want to do what I can to feel and believe I am as beautiful as I can be. Nobody dreams of being the haggard witch in Snow White; even her alter-ego was fair to behold.

But just being beautiful externally isn't enough for any woman. I've met women who could model in Paris, but their personalities or general aura were so uninviting that their beauty was diminished. Yet I also know a simply dressed, unadorned, wrinkled elderly woman whose beauty absolutely overwhelms me, for in her presence I am welcomed and accepted, just as I am in the presence of God Himself.

What makes a woman beautiful, then, is confidence in who God has made and is shaping her to be, coupled with the humility that honestly recognizes she hasn't achieved that completeness yet. It's a careful balance - this confidence and humility. If I'm overly confident (arrogant), I accept myself only as I am (with no vision or hope for my own future) and I believe that my opinions are always right, so I never accept change about anything (e.g. I wore leg-warmers and big hair in the 80s so it's right for me now, too). However, if I'm diffident, I may never take risks that challenge me to become more than I knew I could be (e.g. I wouldn't have signed up for tap-dancing lessons or even begun this blog at the risk of others' disapproval).

The ultimate question, therefore, is "Does God find me beautiful, today?" The Sunday School answer is, "Of course, he made and formed me to be like I am." But the honest answer must be reached deep in the soul: Is my heart cleansed of unconfessed sin? Have I been disciplined with the body and mind he's entrusted to me? If I can answer in the affirmative to these questions, then I can claim Psalm 45:11 as God's words to me, "[I, the king, am] enthralled by your beauty." Sometimes, that's all the encouragement I need to know I'm beautiful. Other times, he says it through Darin or through someone else who simply says, "You look nice today," or "Your smile touched my heart."

God, help me to humbly rest in confidence in who you have made me to be and be your tool to let other women know how beautiful they are to you, too.

It Only Takes a Moment

Near the end of the musical Hello Dolly, two of the main characters, Barnaby and the hat shop owner (whose name has escaped me for the moment), come to the recognition that they have fallen in love. And, as characters in musicals are prone to do, they burst into song realizing that in spite of the full day they have spent together with its adventures and escapades, it only took a moment for their love to be ignited.

Some moments are deeply meaningful, aren't they?

This week, I've corresponded with my friend Lupe, whose daughter, in only a few weeks, will be marrying and moving more than six hours away. As Lupe's emotions run the gamut between joyful excitement and maternal longing, I was blessed to learn that when she met the man's family, she found an immediate spiritual connection with some of the women. Lupe knew that the Holy Spirit was present in them, and that gave her a peace that surpasses all her understanding.

Lupe will be the first to tell you that change is not something she runs to embrace. But that encounter gave her an assurance for her daughter's sake that she didn't have before. And it only took a moment.

I hope and pray that the next days will be filled with joyful memories and intimate moments of conversation and laughter as her family (as its defined now) interacts together. After the wedding, things will never be the same again, so I hope that they will live and drink in every moment of now, to bring those memories with them into the new and thrilling future.

God, help me recognize those meaningful moments, and make them count for now and for eternity.