I can't believe it's been nearly a year and a half since my last post. I think a precious little boy is the primary reason. Not to mention selling a house, buying a house, moving out of two houses into one, painting the walls and replacing the flooring of the aforementioned new house, leading and writing Bible studies...no need to continue. Everybody has those seasons of life that are filled with significant life changes, coupled with lots of "stuff" to do. One of my greatest pet peeves is listening to people try to one-up each other recounting and enumerating their "busy-ness" lists. I know it's because (at least in our Western U.S. culture) worth and value are now equated with activity and being needed. I'm just as guilty as anyone else. I keep a running "to do" list, and can't begin to describe the sense of elation I receive when I check off a project or delete it as completed. But the problem I find for myself is in focusing on the list, I miss the moments and people relative to those tasks.
God's really been dealing with me about this lately. I want to keep a neat house, be a well-prepared Bible study teacher, etc., but ringing in my ears is the wisdom of men and women who've walked this road longer than me:
"He won't be small long."
"Cherish those cuddles and hugs."
"You'll turn around and he'll be grown."
When I think about how quickly the last 17 months have flown, I believe them. So I'm making deliberate steps and efforts to put down the dishrag in exchange for a toy car. To drop the load of laundry I'm carrying in exchange for a spontaneous hug. To set aside the laptop in exchange for puzzles and blocks. To turn off the iPhone in exchange for cuddling together while we read a book. Some perfectionists might look at the current state of my house (which isn't of hoarder status - don't worry!) and say I've lowered my standards. I think I'm choosing to get my priorities in proper order.
Today, I actually feel like I'm beginning to find a rhythm with my priorities. Darin's at work and Josh is at his two-day-a-week preschool, learning all kinds of things, and while the washing machine is humming, I'm taking a little time to gather my thoughts (some of them were so scattered I thought I'd lost them like socks in the dryer!), spend time with the Lord and generally be...well...human. Not a functional machine or robot, but an actual human being who thinks and feels and contemplates. Wow! (Some of you won't recognize me the next time you see me!) This rhythm isn't a steady beat by any stretch of the imagination, but it's my drum and it certainly resonates deeply within my soul, bringing a bit of sanity and helping me march a little more confidently and purposefully on this narrow road God's called me to walk. It's a good day.
And now, for my next priority: cleaning the toilet.
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