Thoughts I Thunk

For His Glory

2011-05-11T09:32:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, apparently, God shows his power/love/mercy/goodness, and then adds an exclamation point. That's the way I felt this morning, anyway, when I read again the familiar verse, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them" (Romans 8:28). In a gentle, only-God-can-do-it-like-that kind of way, it was like he said, "SEE, JULIE!!! I've kept this promise to you. I AM good; and my works are good....And you are Mine."

On this, the 1 month birthday of our precious Joshua, I am testifying to a God Who has indeed pulled out all the stops. We received a contract last night for the sale of our house in Frankston (that's the exclamation point to his goodness). I've never considered myself a person for whom God answers personal prayers. Really. Certainly not at the moment I ask them. I celebrate and applaud when I've prayed for others and seen God work in their situations, but I'm like the Children of Israel when it comes to faith. I remember what He's done in the past, and praise Him for it, but I don't expect Him to act again. I'm embarrassed to confess these feelings, but in the interest of complete vulnerability and authenticity...it's true. And I rarely, if ever hand people the line, "all in God's time." Even though it is biblical (Ecc. 3), it doesn't help. When I've finally gotten to the point that I ask God to act, I usually need him to act now! But, the events of the last month and half have reiterated the truth of God's sovereignty. He does nothing haphazardly or by accident or without intent. My mom, when she learned about the contract on the house, said, "It's like the Lord was waiting for one piece of the puzzle to be put in place so the rest of these prayers could be answered." That one piece was Joshua. It's no accident his name means, "God is salvation." God has been saving us and saving up all of these answers. Yet, Satan knows just how to play with me. I'm not the eternal optimist my husband is. I'm a die-hard realist who can quickly slip into cynicism and negativity. Knowing that, Satan tells me, "Sure, things are great now, but the bottom will drop out. Watch and see." So the power struggle for Truth rages on in my mind and heart.

It's a struggle familiar to most who walk with Christ. My friend Beth, battling cancer right now, for example. Her sweet husband Dave blogged yesterday about Christ's deliberate choice to wait to go to Lazarus. His delay meant not simply healing, but instead the necessity of actually raising Lazarus from the dead (John 11). But Jesus had a reason: "for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified (v. 4) and for the benefit of the people [watching], that they may believe that [God] sent me" (v. 42). [You can read more about Beth's journey here, if you'd like to join her prayer team.] Two chapters earlier, Jesus himself tells us about a man born blind, "so the power of God could be seen in him" (v. 3).

While our struggle with infertility, this man's blindness and Beth's cancer can't be resolved with "Sunday School answers," there is a comfort and peace in knowing that God has a reason. And that reason? His glory. It's not because he's vain or needs the ego-boost of our praise. It's because in his orchestration of the details of our lives and his work in them, we come to a place of humility, recognizing our need for his hand. His glory is a way of reminding us, even proving to us, his value and worth and necessity in our lives. What's amazing is that he desires to be a part of our crazy, mixed-up, error and sin-filled existences. Because of love. As Darin preached on Sunday: he chose us.

While I would have been fine for God to answer our prayers one at a time over the course of the last 18 months, perhaps he chose to bundle them all together, "so the power of God could be seen." Hear me clearly, it is not because Darin or I have earned any of the blessings he's bestowed. It is because God is good and powerful. For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things; To Him be the glory forever. (Romans 11:36).

Journey to Joshua (detailed version)

2011-04-22T12:11:00.000-05:00

This has been a journey I’ll never forget. A journey of mercy and grace.

After 11 years of marriage, two failed foster-to-adopt efforts and a third newborn adoption failure, Darin and I had decided God's plan for us included a lifetime of ministry to families and individuals, but not children of our own. Then last year, at the Minister's Wives Retreat, I was annoyed by the persistent reminder that God keeps his promises. I know that. I've seen that. But it wasn't God's promises and ability to fulfill them I doubted. It was his goodness. His generosity. His mercy. All that has changed. I'm sure I'll have moments of relapse, but I can mark this moment down forever as my "Ebenezer" - my memorial of what God has done.

Two or three years ago, my dad's brother Danny forwarded us an email from a law firm about a baby needing adoption. We’d sent in basic bio information, but couldn't get all the other background info to them fast enough. Unbeknownst to us, they kept us on file, so we were surprised to get a call from them on March 9, asking if we'd be interested in an unborn child that would soon be available for adoption. The birthmother specifically wanted a couple who was Baptist. (Obviously, with Darin as a Baptist pastor we qualified!) Those first couple of nights (really the first week, plus), I slept an average of 4 hours a night as we wrestled with this surprise, wondering if it was from God, and prepared our bio packet to send to them (old homestudies, picture book, letter to birthmom, background check info and references). We overnighted it to the firm on Friday the 11th, and by Monday the 14th it was in their hands. They called to confirm its arrival and tell us we were one of 6 families being considered. Tuesday and Wednesday, they corresponded with us by email and even called us a couple of times requesting more information. We told no one but our references, because we honestly didn't figure this would go any farther than any of our other efforts.

By Tuesday afternoon the 15th, we were told we were one of the three remaining families left and that an updated homestudy would be necessary. By God's grace and provision we found a licensed social worker who was available immediately (a rarity)! She emailed us a questionnaire to fill out and a list of requirements needed in order to help her complete the study. So we gathered those things in preparation for her interview on Thursday night.

By Wednesday afternoon the 16th, they’d called our references and emailed us to let us know we’d been chosen! BUT, WE DIDN’T KNOW IT! With my BaptistWay writing assignments on Matthew due on April 7 and church that evening, I hadn’t checked my email. Thursday morning, I received a call from the lawyer asking if we’d gotten her note and telling us we’d been chosen, pending a copy of an updated homestudy. I sat on the couch in a stupor. I couldn’t even dial the phone number of the church correctly to tell Darin. I called a wrong number the first time. The same day, Darin went to the bank to talk about taking out a personal loan. Oddly enough, our IRS refund was also being deposited into our checking account, which we immediately used to pay down part of the loan!! Also on Wednesday, the lawyer emailed me a contract to be signed and returned overnight. We chose not to tell anyone else, because the homestudy was still such a significant piece of the puzzle, and was the lynch-pin to being truly qualified. Thursday evening, we met with the social worker at the house, and she interviewed us, reviewed the house, and promised she would have the study, or at least a fax of it in their office by Monday the 21st, especially since she was leaving to go on vacation in Florida on Monday morning.

On Friday afternoon the 18th, I put the contract in the mail. When, I finished, I called my sister Jennifer to tell her we’d know with certainty by the following Wednesday (trying to give the homestudy enough time to get there and be reviewed), and I jokingly commented that she should pray the social worker wouldn’t get run over by a truck before she got the paperwork finished. I didn’t know how un-funny that would be.

On Sunday afternoon the 20th, the social worker was in an automobile accident. She was OK, but needless to say, it put her behind schedule. We contacted the lawyer to let her know, and then we waited anxiously. Finally, on Wednesday the 23rd, the lawyer sent me a note to ask if she could use some of the money we'd depostied in trust for doctor’s visits for the birthmother. At that point I figured our homestudy was fine and approved, that we were indeed the "chosen ones," so I called my sister to tell her. She said she’d been waiting on pins and needles! When I told her about the social worker’s accident, she said she believed the whole thing was Satan trying to prevent the well-being of this child. I’d already felt the same way, but been afraid to voice it. I went straight to the church (I'd been at the school playing the piano) and Darin and I called my parents. I forgot to ask if they were sitting down; I just blurted it all out. They immediately announced it to all their office staff. I had to tell them to hold on! We talked briefly about what we need in preparation for the baby’s arrival, but mostly we talked in stunned phrases!

I sent an email to the lawyer on Thursday the 24th asking legal questions about terminations, finalizations, etc. The birthmother has the right to change her mind up to 10 days after the birth of the baby, but I failed to ask who has care of the baby for those first 10 days. Darin said he thought she’d implied in a phone conversation that we would, but he wasn’t certain.

While I was at the Super Summer Exec. Staff retreat on March 28th and 29th, Darin got word that our homestudy official hard copy was still not in the right office. Apparently, the social worker had sent it to the wrong office branch of the law firm. We signed the legal request for parental rights and got that back to them so it could be filed with the courts. That helped it feel a little more real. Nevertheless, I felt a strong sense of calling from the Lord to tell my fellow HPU Admin Staff leaders that I might not be at Super Summer and why. Danny Dawdy, Tim Skaggs, Natalie Stary and Penny Rodgers listened with joy as I shared that we’d been selected as adoptive parents. I told them the risk involved, and Tim graciously asked Danny to pray for Darin and me. He did, with tears freely flowing. They of course asked about the baby’s gender, and I told them we don’t know, but I was ok with that. Even though we’d developed a list of names, not knowing the sex made it a little more anonymous, and that was a good thing for me. If it all fell apart before the baby was born, at least I couldn’t say we lost little “name” because I didn’t know who he/she is. Danny assured me they can get along without me if absolutely necessary, because the HPU campus is so small in number enrolled and compactness.

All day on the 30th, I was in Nacogdoches playing for the Jacksonville Middle and High School choirs. The next day I drove to Nac for the final choir to compete and then drove to our house in Frankston (which is still for sale) to look over what baby paraphernalia we still had in the attic. Darin and Steve Edwards had been in a meeting in Athens that morning, so they met me at the house and we loaded it up in the car. Then I spent Friday the 1st and Saturday the 2nd washing the linens, bags and whatever else needed to be laundered or cleaned, while simultaneously working on my Bible studies.

We vacillated in our fears. First, that this was some elaborate scam to cheat us out of money. But to go to such extreme lengths as calling a U.S. Congressman (James Lankford, one of our references), it must be legit, or they’re very foolish crooks! Secondly, and most prominently, we were afraid of her changing her mind. I didn’t know how either of us could possibly handle another heart-break over this issue. I feared this would not destroy, but certainly cripple our faith. Both messages and Sunday School on April 3 seemed to speak to these fears. A couple of points in particular: (1) the Father's great “compassion” in the Prodigal Son story; (2) Jesus' faithfulness to get right to the heart of the woman at the well – her love needs; (3) if this matter is in God's hands, it’s not uncertain. The way God opened all the right doors at just the right time was too supernatural not to be His hand at work to fulfill His divine purpose for us and this child, and (4) Caleb in Joshua 14, realized he hadn’t “earned” the goodness of God’s promises fulfilled, but he believed in the goodness of God. Yet Satan has twisted Scripture to make me misunderstand or read into things. Which led to my third fear: I'd do something selfish or sinful and God would change His mind.

The timing of all this was still so up in the air (when will she deliver, will she deliver on time, how quickly can we get there), and we were still learning all the legal ins and outs. Most of my insecurities about being forgotten made me want to hear from the lawyer every day. I couldn’t sleep much. It helped a little when I had the Super Summer Executive Staff retreat to prepare for, and the UIL choir pieces to practice and perform. But when the act of writing Bible studies was all that was left, it was hard to keep my mind focused.

Because of the birthmother's right to change her mind, we wanted to only be “cautiously excited.” Yet, washing the linens, putting together the bassinet, etc., I began to develop a seed of love for this child that I was scared to nurture and nourish. What if our hearts got broken again in this situation and subject matter? Please God, I prayed, don’t let that happen. Show Your omnipotence, mercy and grace and bring the baby soon and let the 10 days pass like lightning, with him/her in our arms at the end of it. Whether or not we’ll be home in time for Easter, we didn’t know, but most certainly we can present the child to the church by Mother’s Day, May 8th, which is also baby dedication day. I don’t want to have to spend another Mother’s Day like last year’s – with a hole of longing, disappointment, and yes, jealousy. Between these fears, insecurities and Satan’s attacks, this is where I desperately need and cry out for Your “peace that passes all understanding” to “guard [my] heart and [my] mind in Christ Jesus.”

The following are continuing excerpts from my journal:

Monday April 4, 2011
Just got word from the lawyer. The baby will be in our custody those 10 days! Yay! She also said the birthmother is dilated to a 3. She’s sent us a bunch of papers about the medical history of the family and most recent checkups of the birthmother. We’ll have to bring those with us to sign in the lawyer’s presence.

Tuesday April 5, 2011
I was working on the Bible study of Matt 1-2, specifically the part where God preserves Jesus from being killed by Herod, when Darin called to ask if I’d checked my email. The birthmother will be induced on Monday! (God preserved His child-Joshua-then; He will again!) We are going to leave after AM worship for Uncle Danny’s house and be able to take the baby back to their house from the hospital when it’s released. Attached to the email was also a letter from the birth grand-mother and mother. The letter, although not a guarantee, certainly helped, and I feel a little more confident that God will see this through. Surely He wouldn’t take us this far and drop the drawbridge under us. Too many things are pointing to its completion (Phil 4:16), God's protection and provision. Jennifer was talking with her kids this morning about the baby and 6 year old Russell was instructing 4 year old Laura about how she had to be gentle with it. He’d also been complaining about how babies make big messes, but told Jennifer it was OK if our baby did! Gotta get finished with these Bible studies and get to packing!

Wednesday April 6
After I dropped Dodger off for his grooming this morning, I headed to JC Penney in Tyler to get my hair done, stopping on the way at Kohl’s and Target to buy baby stuff! I bought girl and boy clothing since we still have no idea what the baby’s gender is. I also stopped by Old Navy and Walmart to do more baby and everything else shopping. Anyway, then I picked up Dodger and headed home to find Momma’s baby care package on the front porch!

On the way home from church tonight, I spent some time thanking God. James 1:17 was running through my mind. You are the Father, and I can’t believe You would take us this far down the path and not finish giving us this good gift. And it will be a perfect gift. Not perfect as in sinless, but perfect as in a match for our family. Adaptable to a minister’s home, and healthy; I really am beginning to believe all of that. Early in this process, I realized God was ordaining this @ 15 years ago when he had Uncle Danny buy a piece of property in NW Arkansas where he had no ties, no job and no reason to go, other than he liked the way it looked. He was retiring from the Air Force and needed a place to live. God certainly does see everything as present tense.

Thursday April 7
I’ve been working on my studies trying to get them finished (since they’re due TODAY) and Wendy Emprimo just posted this verse on FB: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

This is how I want to parent – Christ in me, parenting. I’m scared I’ll be overly demanding and have the same high expectations for the child that I have for myself. I’m afraid I won’t be very much fun, because I’ve grown so accustomed to “adult” life. I’m afraid of mental illness, chemical unbalances or birth defects. But if I line up all these fears with the goodness I sensed in God last night, they pale and are unfounded. This is a GOOD gift, and since Darin, the child and I have been called together “according to His purpose,” this will be for all our good (Romans 8:28), and he will hold us all together (Colossians 1:17).

As I was finishing final edits on one of my lessons, I came across these verses from Beth James’ blog about her cancer that I'd copied and pasted because they spoke so strongly to me. Here’s the amazing part: they are from February 23, two weeks to the day before we first found out about this child!! I especially love #3. And #4 begs me to be at peace between now and the 10 days following the birth.

1. Psalm 22:19 – “But you, LORD, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me.”
2. Psalm 50:15 – “and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me. “
3. 1 Samuel 12:16 – “Now stand here and see the great thing the Lord is about to do.”
4. Exodus 14:14 – “The Lord will fight for you, and you can be still.”

But Satan is working all over me. Just now, he used #1 and #2 above to make me think God’s preparing us for something awful. Instead, I will celebrate. I still can’t get over how God's having me write about the birth of Christ at the same time I’m anticipating the birth of a child who will be ours, much like Joseph adopted Jesus. The funny thing is, the last lessons I wrote dealt with hosptality and forgiveness, and simultaneous to those, I was dealing with my anger, fear and disappointment with our foster child we had to return to state care. God used those to help bring healing. I'm asking Him to use these Matthew lessons to affirm His good work, that I might tell the classes I’ll teach them to about this part of the story as I did the last time.

Friday April 8
O, Lord, today has been so hard emotionally for us. Satan has been playing mind games with us, causing me to question your goodness, and even your omnipotence against him. We received a letter today from the lawyer, and somehow, he used it to cast darts of uncertainty about the birthmother’s commitment to follow through with the adoption. This was the line that unnerved us: "I wanted to quote her mom's email exactly about the birthmom's feelings right now. It said that 'she feels bad but still wants to go through with it. She knows it is best for everyone and the letter from the adoptive parents really made her feel a lot better.'"

It probably wasn’t supposed to unnerve us, maybe even intended to reassure us, but it scared us to death. I think we’re terrified we’ll drive all the way there, spend 10 days, and at the last minute, she’ll change her mind. So, I sent a note back to the lawyer, looking for reassurance, and her reply helped some:

Like I've said before, I am pessimistic (for lack of a better word) when it comes to birthmoms. I've been burned once and this is the first one I've agreed to take in four years. I can't tell you 100%, but I feel good about this one. I really think this is what she wants to do. She has never changed her mind in my meetings with her. And, believe me I ask her every time I see her. The fact that she also isn't asking for money for expenses, etc. tells me that there is no other motive for her but doing what's best for this child. I think her biggest concern is that the baby will think it wasn't wanted by her and that isn't why she's made this decision. That's why she and her mom wrote you the letter.

Of course, this would be a hard decision for anyone to make. But given her situation, I think she is very serious about this. And, she has a wonderful support system in her mother. She is behind this decision 100% and has been communicating with the hospital personnel already to try and make this transition as easy on Jackie as possible.

I hope this makes you feel better somewhat, but I am nervous along with you. You just never know what will happen in that emotional moment when the baby is born. I think all we can do is put it in God's hands and know that whatever happens is His will.

Darin and I prayed several times together today. I really think this is a matter of spiritual warfare. I told Darin I can almost see and touch the battle going on above my head and the birthmother's. I even posted on the Texas Baptist Minister’s Wives Facebook a request for prayer in spiritual battle. God, You’ve worked out every step and opened every door so far, and you know Darin needs to preach this week and Easter Sunday, so I think you’ll continue to orchestrate each element. Darin has lined up supply speakers, with the plan to introduce the baby at the end of each morning worship service on Easter Sunday!

Saturday April 9
With the intensity and urgency of getting my lessons written, I didn’t spend much time this week in my devotionals, so I’ve been catching up this morning. Here are some of the passages that have spoken to me, even if not directly applicable:

Mon: Psalm 25:1-3 - To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. I trust in you, my God! Do not let me be disgrace, or let my [Enemy] rejoice in my defeat. No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others. (5-8) All day long I put my hope in you. Remember, O Lord, your unfailing love and compassions, which you have shown from long ages past....for you are merciful, O Lord. The Lord is good and does what is right. (16-20) Turn to me and have mercy on me...Feel my pain and see my trouble...Do not let me be disgraced, for I trust in you. Psalm 34: 1-6 - I will praise the Lord at all times, I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are discouraged take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt his name together. I prayed to the Lord and he answered me, freeing me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. I cried out to the Lord in my suffering, and he heard me. He set me free from all my fears. (8) Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who trust in him!

Tues: Genesis 16:10 - God’s promise to Hagar, “I will give you more descendants than you can count” and her response (13), “I have seen the One who sees me!”

Wed: Psalm 13 - O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart ever day? How long will my [Enemy] have the upper hand? Turn and answer me, O Lord my God? Restore the light to my eyes, or I will died. Don’t let my enemies gloa, saying, “We have defeated [her]!” Don’t let them rejoice at my downfull. But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he has been so good to me.

Thurs: Romans 12:12-13 - Be glad for all God is planing for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful. Hebrews 12:3 - Think about all he endured when sinful people did such terrible things to him, so that you don’t become weary and give up. (10) For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. (12-13) So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet. Then those who follow you, though they are weak and lame, will not stumble and fall but will become strong.

Fri: 1 Corinthians 9:17 - ...But God has chosen me and give me this sacred trust...

Sat: Isaiah 46:3 - I created you and have cared for you since before you were born. I will be your God throughout your lifetime–until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. (9-10) And do not forget the things I have done throughout histroy. For I am God–I alone! I am God, and there is no one else like me. Only I can tell you what is going to happens even before it happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish. (13) For I am ready to set things right, not in the distant future, but right now!

Sunday April 10
I only slept about 4 hours last night. I woke up sweating and with my heart beating fast at 2:30. I stayed awake until after 5, and finally dozed a litte before the alarm went off at 7. We got up pretty quickly and finished packing and getting ready. We were even early to church! I ran into Patsy Murray in the hallway. She told me she had a dream last night that I was “as big as a house pregnant.” I laughed, but secretly wondered if she is part prophet! We should have told her I was due tomorrow!

On the road, Darin listened to the Masters Tournament on the radio and I dozed a little and read until it ended. Then, we talked about names. We’ve narrowed it down some, but we’re not saying they’re set in stone until we meet and see the baby to make sure they match. Here are the finalists:

Joshua Michael
David Andrew
Abigail Ann
Elizabeth Ann
Kathryn Elizabeth

I still like the names Caleb, Matthew, and Emily, but I think they’re off the table.

Mandy Tanner posted a comment on Facebook from this morning’s sermon at Northside. It said, “Your faith in Him (God) is FAR more important than the miracle you want Him to do in your life.” I commented, “Just what I needed to hear. Thanks. Faith is the ASSURANCE of things hoped for; the CONVICTION of things not seen.” She replied once more, “Do you know I thought of you and Darin the whole time he was preaching on this this morning. Was going to post it on your wall but phone rang...Praying for you both!!” I’m really feeling quite optimistic and positive, even confident, today.
We plan to text the lawyer when we get to town, and see if she has any instructions for us. Still 2 hours left on the road, though. Get us there quickly, please, Lord.

Monday April 11
We arrived @ 9:30-9:45 and visited with Uncle Danny and Aunt Denise until @ 11:00. We slept so hard. We got up @ 8, and showered. I had half of a small thing of yogurt and Darin’s eating a bowl of oatmeal right now, but neither of us are particularly hungry. I had an email from Ross, the BaptistWay editor saying he hadn’t gotten my lessons (I freaked!), so I forwarded them again and he got them this time.

Jennifer sent me an email that she dreamed it was a chubby baby boy! When I replied to her about Patsy Murray’s dream, she freaked!

We received a call from the lawyer at 9:15, saying the birthmother had an epidural at 8:30, and had already signed the papers that allow us to see the baby following its delivery (we didn’t even know that was required). She called again @ 10:15 and said the birthmother is dilated to a 5, and is not backing down, she’s still committed to the adoption.

I’m doing a load of baby laundry right now. Just six white onesies and 2 each of a girl and boy P.J.s. We’re just killing time for now. I’m so nervous, my hands are shaking. I keep getting up and wandering around, just to have something to do to burn off my energy!

I’m trying to read a little bit, and pretty much able to stay focused, but Darin and I just spent a period in prayer. He’s feeling at peace that at the end of this journey we will return to Texas with a little one. I am, too, I think, especially when I remember all those family and friends who are praying for us, maybe even at this very moment. Just a few seconds ago, at 11:20, Darin got a facebook message from Heather Ramsey saying there’s a couple looking at the house in Frankston right now, and the new Superintendent at FISD came over to talk to her about it last week while she was planting flowers outside! God, are you going to up to something enormous in our lives?!?!

The lawyer just called again (11:25), birthmother is dilated to a 9, they’re calling the doctor in now. She’s leaving her office in Springdale right now. She’ll be in the waiting area, and when the birthmother’s mom comes to get her, she’ll be able to call us shortly thereafter. The lawyer feels like the fact the grandmother is still keeping in touch with her is a good sign.

She just called again at 11:34 – the baby’s been born!!! She hasn’t even made it to the hospital from her office, yet! After she has a chance to meet with the birthfamily and nurses, they’ll set up a game plan and let us know. Thankfully, the laundry has finished and is loaded in the car. We’re both eating spoons of peanut butter, waiting on the call to leave.

1:00 – The lawyer just called: IT’S A BOY!!! Darin and I just held one another and cried with joy. She said to pack a bag to stay in the hospital. They’re going to give us a room to feed and bond with him.

2:45 – We still haven’t gotten to hold him; it’s killing me! But, they’re running an echocardiogram on him right now. The doctor heard a heart murmur, and he wants to be sure it’s just because the blood wasn’t circulating perfectly while he was in the womb. If so, that’s normal, and it’s nothing. We did get to go into the nursery and touch and stroke him; it’s not enough, but it’s something! He was 7 lbs., 13 oz. and 19 inches long. He’s got a little bit of hair and is pink as he can be! When we got here, we checked in with the nurse, Carla. She knew about our situation, and was the one who arranged for us to get into the nursery. I was shaking as we approached the desk. By the time we got to touch him, I was softly crying. Darin even had a few tears in his eyes, too. The pediatric nurse, Bonnie said when they finished the tests and his temperature was at 98, they would bathe him and bring him to us. I hope it will be soon!

We’ve met with the lawyer, (she even brought us a present of a frame and tiny little hanging pillow!) and she still feels good about things with the birthmother. She said she had a long conversation with her, and she (and her mother) still feel it’s the right decision. Unfortunately, the judge will be out of town on the 22nd, so we’ll have to wait to go to court until the 25th. That means Darin will have to have Joe fly him home for Easter. I’m trying to convince him to put a picture up of the baby on the screens so the church family can see him, since he and I won’t be able to be there. We’re still not naming him until we hold him, though.

After we left the nursery, they put us in a room (1248), and we went back to look at him through the windows. As we stood there, an employee walked past, winked at us and said, “Its just a baby!” I said, “Yes, but it’s a special baby.” She asked, “Why is he so special?” I responded, “Because we’re adopting him.” She threw her arms around me and said, “I used to work with unwed mothers. What you’re doing is such a blessing!”

We grabbed the last of the stuff from the car, and Darin went in search of sustenance. He found a side salad for me and a pop tart for himself. I still can’t eat much, but at least it’s a little something! Carla came in and said the the birthmother is scheduled to be released today, so there should be very few additional expenses! God, You are working this all out in amazing ways!

They finally brought Joshua David to us! We’ve had him since @ 5:20. We’re already in love! I held him for a few minutes then handed him to Darin for a while. The nurse allowed us to do his first feeding, because she said she believed that to be important. I totally agree, now that we’ve done it. There was something uniquely special about being the first to provide him with sustenance. I called Momma as he fell asleep in my arms. It was beautiful. She asked me to describe him, and I began to realize she hadn’t seen the picture Darin had emailed. She opened the email and saw what we’d named him. I think she was choking back tears as she exclaimed his name! I can’t wait to hear what Daddy’s response was. Darin sent an email with a picture to our immediate families and Uncle Danny. I plan to work on an additional email with more pictures later. Aunt Denise came by after work. She also went to get us hamburgers and fries for supper. We hadn’t realized just how hungry we’d gotten after all day of not eating much of anything. We visited for a while, and after she left, Darin fed Josh. He did very well! It took him a little longer than he thought it should, but Josh was hard to wake up at first, but then he got with it!

I got to sing to Josh for the first time, trying to settle him. I sang “Jesus Loves Me,” then “How Great is Our God” and then “Mighty to Save.” Then Darin read the story of Joshua from our Bible story book that was given to his family by his Aunt Faye when he and his sisters were children. He’s sleeping very peacefully now.

Tuesday April 12
We had a pretty good night. We took turns feeding Josh every 3 hours. Neither of us got a whole lot of sleep – intermittent, really – 30 minutes here, an hour and a half there. In other words, normal! He was apparently cold and lonely at least twice, because when we picked him up and held him close, he calmed right down.

The doctor came in at 8:30 to tell us the murmur was GONE! THANK YOU, LORD! He told us he was about to do Josh’s circumcision, and that we’d be headed out the door by noon! We’re getting showered and having breakfast so we’ll be ready to go. I did stop and read my Bible. The assigned passage for today was Isaiah 61 – a Messianic passage. Here’s what I read:

(1-3) – The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted...to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come....To all who mourn...he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mouring, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory. (7-10a) Instead of shame and dishonor, you will inherit a double portion of prosperity and everlasting joy. “For I, the Lord, love justice....I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering and make an everlasting covenant with them. Their descendants will be known and honored among the nations. Everyone will realize that they are a people the Lord has blessed.” I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God!

Wednesday April 13
We didn’t get to head out by noon. In fact, we didn’t even get to leave until after 3 PM. Apparently, there was a baby boom going on, and the nurse couldn’t get away to help us...get away. While waiting, I talked to Jennifer for @ 45 minutes. She sounds so ready to meet her nephew! She said when she picked up Russ from school on Monday and she told him he had a new boy cousin, he screamed!! I didn’t know girls were so bad! ;) Then, as they sat at the table, Jennifer told him he’d have to teach Josh all kinds of things. He promised to do so, and said the first thing he would need to teach him is about Jesus! How incredible is that?! Finally, we got to leave and went to the lawyer’s office to sign a revised petition for adoption with Joshua’s name on it. Things seemed so much more real when we saw his name in print on that document: Joshua David Wood.

Then, while Josh and I waited in the car, Darin went in to Sam’s Club to buy formula! That was our final step before getting to the house. We had supper, watched TV, gave Josh some tummy-time and fed him before getting to bed. He got the hiccups last night when he was @35 hours old. Like Darin, he HATES the hiccups. He was getting so mad!

Darin set his alarm again throughout the night and we took turns. At the 2:30 feeding, Josh struggled a little. He was hungry again before 5, so I got up to help him along. He ate, and we were able to sleep until almost 9:30! I still could probably fall asleep now, but I guess I’m still so excited. We sat together in the bed as a family for a few precious minutes this morning, too. I cried as I told Darin, “I’m so happy!” He said he knew I’d be, but I told him I think he knows me better than I know myself, because I really had no idea I’d feel like this. After the morning feeding, Darin went to pick up a few things for Josh. While he was gone, I took Josh outside on the porch to read Dr. Seuss to him in the beautiful weather! We had a great time; or at least I did; he slept through it all! When Darin got back, we had to call Renee Bean with a medical question. She cried when we told her what was happening, that we’d been with him since the hospital, etc! And, we’ve set a tentative appointment when we’re back for his 2-week checkup.

We’ve made it 48 hours into the waiting period. 8 days to go! I feel very confident this morning that God will see this through to completion. As doubting thoughts do arise, I try to speak Satan away in the blood of Christ from myself and the birthmother.

Thursday April 14
After we ate supper last night, Josh got his first (sponge) bath. He HATED it! He screamed bloody murder through the whole thing! I think it will be better when we can actually submerge his body. Because of the umbilical cord and recent circumcision, we still can’t, and it made him cold to be wet here and there. I told him he’d better get used to it, ‘cause I wanted him clean, at least until I have to fight him as a 7 year old boy who hates baths and sees no reason for them! We stayed in bed until 10 this morning as a family, hugging and cuddling. Then we got up and got ready for Josh’s first doctor visit. On the way to the office, he turned 3 days old! And while were there, three days also ticked off the counter! Dr. Harvey did an exam and said he looks great. His jaundice isn’t severe and should be cleared up by next week. We’ll go to see him again next Thurday.

We’ve sat around the house the rest of the afternoon. I read my Bible and these were today's passages:

Ps. 139:13-18 – You made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – and how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How recious are your thoughts about me, O God! Thye are innumerable! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up in the morning, you are still with me!

Rev. 4:11 – You are worthy, O Lord our God to receive glory and honor and power. For you created everything, and it is for your pleasure that they exist and were created.

Friday April 15
We had a very rough night last night. Josh and I were up most of the night. I hope Aunt Denise wasn’t, too. I wonder if any of it had anything to do with the barometric pressure last night. We were under Tornado Watches most of the evening, and there were several spotted in other areas in the state. We’ve had a much better day; he’s been awake a lot more. We’ve paid some bills and stayed around the house all day. We thought about running out to return the girl clothes, but a cold front has come through along with a big rain storm. It’s 42 degrees outside now!

Today I had a few fears, in spite of the fact that we received notes from people who mentioned they were praying for us. Darin and I prayed together for our own peace and the birthmother's, too. These were my passages for today:

Is. 26:3-4 – You keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock. The devotional said, “Whether we’re facing annoying inconvenience or heartbreaking loss, this rock-solid promise is worth memorizing and repeating. Today...during frustrating delay, can we still trust the loving heart of God?” My other devotional said, “He is the King of kings, yet He is a Father to the fatherless...Out God is a good God. And when our hearts make the connection with how good God is, we can’t help but worship Him. He is so generous that He makes worship a blessing to us. Worship strengthens our faith, it grows gratitude in us, it produces joy, and it helps us get our minds off of ourselves. As you [worship Him], your view of Him will get bigger, your problems will grow smaller in the light of His awesome bigness and you will be able to rest in His good protection. Your heart will be able to rest in reality – your Daddy has got you. He’s so big; He’s so close; and He’s so good....God, You are awesome, and I’m so thankful for who You are. You are...the Ever-Present help.” And then, like a salve for my soul, the Lord ordained for my favorite verse in Scripture to be in the focal passage for today, Col. 1:15-17: Christ existed before God made anything at all and is supreme over all creation...Everything thas been created through him and for him. He existed before everuthing else began, and he holds all creation together.

Saturday April 16
We hit the half-way point this afternoon! I’m still holding my breath, but I did try to inhale one moment today! You used JulAnn Godbey to encourage me this morning. Her Facebook post was this: I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him. Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account. Eccl. 3:14-15.

This morning, Darin and I took Josh in the car, and while I ran in to return the girl clothes at all the different stores, he stayed with him, feeding him, etc. When we got back, my cousin Nathan and his wife Bekah came to the house, and we had lunch together. They even brought us a $25 Target gift card! Uncle Danny got home while we were playing Racko, and we had dinner together. He and Aunt Denise gave Josh a bounce chair, too! All in all, a great day.

Sunday April 17
A great night!! Even though Josh slept a lot yesterday in the car and at the house, he had a good full night of rest except for his 1 AM feeding! We’re had a family worship time while Uncle Danny and Aunt Denise are at church by watching Cross Church. One thing I appreciated about the message was this statement: “If it’s glaringly obvious God has been doing something, don’t doubt him.”

After lunch we Skyped with Jennifer and the kids. Russ and Laura were so excited to see “the baby”! Laura kept referring to him by his full name, "Joshua David." :)

Monday April 18
Darin confessed last night as we lay in bed a deep sense of panic that the birthmother would change her mind after a weekend to think it over. Naturally, I began to panic, too. He is usually so right about his instincts. By the morning, I was ready to throw up in fear, so I sent the lawyer a note asking for the exact time we can finally breathe again. I wish I’d remained ignorant. She said the law isn’t specific (HOW STUPID – my commentary), so the best bet is to wait until Friday at midnight. I don’t understand how that can be, since she herself was trying to get us into the judge on Thursday, and couldn’t only because the judge was to be out of town. I’ve come up with two theories: 1) She’s accounting for 10 business days or 2) it has to do with when the birthmother’s lawyer filed the paperwork with the courts. Obviously, I was happier not knowing.

Tuesday April 19
We tried to go to bed early last night. I was in bed reading by 8:30, and we tried to put Josh down by 9:00. When we did, he really woke up, so Darin fed him and put then put him down. Then it was up and down for a while. Finally, at 2:00, in exasperation, I laid him down on the boppy on the couch with me (ready to spend the night there), and he fell asleep immediately. It was then I realized he was COLD. (I'm still waiting for the instruction manual he should have come with!)

Today’s reading:

Psalm 33:4-5 – For the word of the Lord holds true, and everything he does is worthy of our trust. He loves whatever is just and good, and his unfailing love fills the earth. (10-11) The Lord shatters the plans of the nations and thwarts all their schemes. But the Lord’s plans stand firm forever; hi intentions can never be shaken. (20-22) We depend on the Lord alone to save us. Only he can help us, protecting us like a shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we are trusting in his oly name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.

Truthfully, Lord, over the last two days I’ve been afraid to pray. Afraid that something I’ll say will make you change your mind and have the birthmother call to get him back after all. Spiritually immobile is how I’ve felt. Like someone yelled, “Freeze.” I’ve largely depended on the prayers of our families and friends. Fearing disappointment, I rationalize that it’s safer not to pray, so I can’t say you didn’t answer. I know it’s Satan. Help my unbelief!! Remind me of your goodness and your amazing work over the last month and 10 days. We have been swept up in a flood of amazement. Please finish this good work you have begun (Phil 1:6; Rom 8:28; Jer 29:11).

This was on Ashley Edwards Facebook this morning: If you find yourself enduring difficult circumstances, remember that God remains in His heaven watching over us. If you become discouraged with the direction of your day or your life, turn your thoughts and prayers to Him. He is a God of possibility not negativity. He will guide you through your difficulties and beyond them.

I was just on my knees begging God to show His mercy. I have no promises to claim from Scripture other than those that describe His goodness and faithfulness to complete what He's begun. Just as I began praying, Darin called to say this email from the lawyer was in our inboxes. A forward from the birth-grandmother :

Darin and Julie,

I just wanted to pass along the email I just got from the birthmother's mom. Please let me know your thoughts on sending pictures, etc. Also, I thought if you were up to it, it may be a nice to compose an email letting her know your feelings about Josh and the whole situation. I think it would just confirm for her that she made the right decision.

Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 9:42 AM

Hope you're doing well. First we just want to thank you for the work and compassion you showed us. You made it alot easier for the birthmother and I appreciate that. She has found it harder to deal with than she expected but still knows that she has done the right thing. And she seems to be doing better. She wanted to know if maybe the parents would send pictures from time to time. She would love to see how he's doing. If you would just ask them about the pictures and see what they think. Were they excited after the birth? Okay with it being a boy? Just thoughts we had pondered.

Thank You

As I put down the phone, I bumped the iPod application and it opened to the song, “How Great Is Our God.” I’m going to spend a moment worshiping, with it, now.

1:45 – Just got off the phone with the lawyer. By God's grace alone, the court date has been moved to Friday at 8 AM with a different judge!!!!! Praise You, Lord! We’ve contacted a few family, but other than that, we’re keeping it quiet as a surprise! We'll be home together for Easter, and Good Friday will be a GOOD FRIDAY!

Wednesday April 20
Less than 24 hours to go, now! I know Satan will pull out all the stops against the birthmother's peace and our confidence in God's goodness and sovereignty, so I've asked certain friends to continue the battle in prayer. BUT OUR GOD IS GREATER, STRONGER AND HIGHER! TO HIM BE THE GLORY FOREVER!

We are noticing so many things that we have in common with Josh. He curls his hand at his wrist under his chin when he sleeps, like I do. He loves to be warm (aka hot) like Darin when he sleeps.

We went to the lawyer today to sign the financial affadavit paperwork, then visited my Grandpa and Grandma’s grave at the cemetary, taking flowers. I was overcome with emotion as I stood before the memories of two of the godliest people I have ever known, knowing they are smiling with joy as they see God unfold this miracle in our lives.

Thursday April 21
It started out a rough morning. Being tired and scared, anything that happened to disappoint or unnerve me was exacerbated. Truthfully, I already love him so deeply, I fear losing this joy. But things improved for a while when we went for Josh's follow-up visit to the doctor. He got a great report. He's put on another 4 oz, and is healing nicely from the circumcision. (One day, he's going to be livid this is included here!)

We went to Target to try to register, but that didn't work out so well. Oh, we had a great time looking over stuff and zapping it with the scanner, but an hour later when we'd finished, it hadn't put it on Josh's registry. We'd added 55 new baby items to "Amy Beth and Brian's" wedding registry. Someone is going to have a lot of explaining to do, when people try to buy bridal gifts, I'm afraid. We'll have to try again another day to register. When we got home, the rains began to pour down just after we loaded the car with everything we wouldn't need for the next day.

We celebrated with dinner out with Uncle Danny and Aunt Denise, then came home to watch Despicable Me. We'd given the movie to them as a small expression of our appreciation for all their generous hospitality. Darin thought it was appropriate because the story line revolves around adoption; I agreed whole-heartedly!

Friday April 22
We got up this morning, showered and dressed, and loaded while Aunt Denise fed Josh. We then all headed to the Benton County Courthouse. Uncle Danny and Aunt Denise graciously went with us to take pictures and support us. I'm so thankful they were there to share the moment with. It desperately called for family love!

We got to the courthouse too early to even get in the doors (maybe we were a bit excited!), but about 10 minutes later, we were allowed in, and our lawyer walked in through the security gate right behind us. We went up to Judge Scott's office on the second floor and waited for @15 minutes while the lawyer handled all the paperwork. Then, we were ushered into his quarters where he was in his robe. We were seated in front of his desk and he proceeded to ask us various information questions, then he turned it over to the lawyer to ask more questions in formal proceedings regarding our willingness to love and nurture Josh as our own. Then, it was over! We took pictures with the judge, then waited in the lobby while the final paperwork was printed and filed, and we were done. It was so fast, I couldn't believe it was legal!

We then took pictures with our lawyer, Uncle Danny and Aunt Denise, and then hit the road for home! Sometime soon I suppose all this will sink in, but for now, I'll just worship the Lord for the blessing of this beautiful baby boy!

Journey to Joshua (abbreviated version)

2011-04-22T10:21:00.000-05:00

As of this morning (a very GOOD Friday!), we are the proud parents of an 11 day old baby boy!! We completed the legal paperwork and in court today adopted Joshua as a member of our family.

On March 9, we learned about an unborn baby available for adoption through a law firm in NW Arkansas that my Uncle Danny and Aunt Denise made us aware of. After completing the background information and updating our homestudy, we learned we were selected as the adoptive parents on March 23. The baby was due April 15! The last month has been filled with prayer and excitement as we anticipated what God was doing. According to Arkansas law, the birthmother can change her mind any time between the time she has chosen the adoptive family and 10 days after the baby’s birth, even if she immediately signs the termination of parental rights. Additionally, the adoptive family is required to remain in the vicinity of the birth for those 10 days. So, with that kind of uncertainty, we didn't tell too many people and felt it best not to get too many hopes up.

Two weeks ago, we learned the birthmother was to be induced on April 11. So following our morning worship on Sunday, April 10, we headed to Danny and Denise’s home. (They have graciously hosted us since that day, enduring nights of a crying newborn with love and smiles!) On Monday morning, the 11^th, Joshua was born at 11:25, weighing 7 lbs, 13 oz. and 19 in. long. We were permitted to go to the hospital that afternoon, and by 5:00, they had us placed in a room where we were able to meet Joshua and spend the night feeding, loving on and bonding with him! On Tuesday afternoon, we headed to the house and have spent the last 10 days waiting for the Lord to complete this good work he began. This morning, the legal aspects were completed and filed, and now the real journey of joy (and work!) begins!

We’re so excited to share this news with you and praise the Lord for His amazing and surprising goodness!

Son of Man

2011-02-10T12:20:00.000-06:00

My car has this great feature where I can pick a genre of music to play from my iPod. Recently, I picked "Soundtrack," and it's been randomly selecting songs from the movie discs I've uploaded. This morning, as I was out and about, the song "Son of Man" from Disney's Tarzan came up. (There is a point here, I promise.)

I've often heard "Son of Man" was Jesus' favorite designation for himself, evidenced by the fact he used it so often–more than 80 times in the Gospels. While in the story of Tarzan, the term is used to differentiate him from the apes, it appears to me Jesus used the term to associate himself with humanity. Commoners and kings asked "Who is this man?" (see Lk 5:21; 7:49; 9:9, for example), and marveled at the miracles he performed, with some even acknowledging he was "from God" (see Jn 3:2; 9:33; 16:30). Yet, Jesus used the term "Son of Man" over and over again to reiterate his humanity, not his Godliness. If I'd been him (and we're all thankful I'm not), I'd have had something to prove. I'd have wanted to validate my deity. You're expecting a human; I'd want to show you I'm God. But that's not how the humble Incarnate Word did things. He knew He was God; He expected to show them He was now also human. Approachable. Compassionate. In touch. Real.

Oddly enough, the most frequent uses of that term come when he is discussing the end times: the gathering of the saved and judgment of the world. The second largest number of references to himself as "Son of Man" are in connection with his suffering, death and resurrection. At first glance, it seems rather non-sequitur to me. Those are things we just don't "get." We can only wrap our minds so far around abstract and transcendental ideas like heaven, sanctification and stuff like that. Why, then, is he using such a tangible term as "Son of Man"?

I think there are at least two reasons: 1) He knew the term "Son of God" was a hot-button issue. There are only a very few times in the Gospels where Jesus calls himself this. (Mt 27:43; Lk 22:70; Jn 10:36; 11:4 were all I could find. However, the remaining 21 times that phrase is referenced, it is spoken by Satan himself, demons, a high priest, a Roman centurion, an angel, John, Nathanael, and Martha. Some to challenge him, others to affirm their belief in him.) Why should he regularly use a term which will frighten, offend or distance people from the love he wants to show them? The subject matter of the end times and salvation are already obtuse enough; it's just good PR to use a term that's familiar, something with which prople can connect and understand. 2) He wanted us to know his humanity (only because he lived sinlessly) is what validated his role as Judge and Redeemer. He emphasized his humanity because most of us need something tactile to get us started in our faith journey. Very few of us have purely spiritual experiences leading to our salvation. Most us have a person, or people, who connect us to God, whether by the words they say or the life they lead. By living the human experience, God became his own testimony for others. Because he made it through with his holiness intact, he is qualified to judge; because the cords of death could not keep him, he is capable of saving us from its eternal grasp.

Honestly, until now, I've always thought Jesus did himself a disservice by calling himself, "Son of Man," because it didn't express the fullness of Who he is. But no one can look on his fullness and live (Ex 33:20). He was doing us a favor.

"Son of Man's a man for all to see."

Don't move...yet

2010-10-19T11:24:00.002-05:00

I'm still looking for the best spot for internet reception in the house. Out here on the lake, we have to use a USB card to get internet service, and it can make a big difference in the speed of downloads if you're sitting in the right spot. When I do find a place where I've got 3 of 4 bars–I've yet to find a spot that has all four–I don't move. I stay put. (So what if my left leg has to be on top of the refrigerator?)

But internet connection wasn't why I didn't move this morning. I don't know why, but clearly I wasn't supposed to follow my own agenda. I had a plan, but was preempted by distractions. What's funny is, I'm ok with it. Because these "distractions" have been in regard to eternal beings, not stuff to be checked off a to-do list. (Which, to be honest, can be a source of joy for me - I love marking things "done"!)

Nevertheless, my heart has been burdened this morning for people. People I care about deeply. Like Beth, who just last week was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors are saying it's inoperable because of the tumor's proximity to blood vessels and other vital organs. And people like Doug, Kathryn, Laura, Jeff and Kimberly who are so far from their homes in Texas, yet are redefining "home" for themselves as they seek to make Christ known in places where his name is unknown or used only for cursing and vanity. And other people like A and G, who are hurting over broken relationships, and precious friends J, S, A and S who are struggling with disappointment in life circumstances.

So, I haven't moved. Because the connection in prayer for these precious friends has been so sweet. I know it has everything to do with my heart's reception - I must have found a spot to run on all four bars - and I'm sure it has everything to do with the fact that I've "be[en] still and [known] that He is God" (Psalm 46:10).

I'm so thankful He said its ok, even necessary, to be still. And I love the reassurances of the remainder of that verse: "I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth." His exaltation doesn't depend on my running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Certainly, we can't remain still forever. Jesus modeled the balance most perfectly. He knew he needed moments like I've had this morning as he prepared to deal with numerous eternal beings who had needs too many to count. And even when he'd hung out with Moses and Elijah on a high mountain, he knew he couldn't stay there and get accomplished the purpose for which he'd come. (By the way, I love Mark's commentary on that event (9:5-6): he says Peter suggests memorializing the place "because he didn’t really know what else to say." Since according to tradition, Mark wrote from Peter's recollections, I find it hilarious that Peter is essentially confessing: "I opened my big mouth like a idiot, 'cause I was scared snotless.")

But, I digress.

I'd forgotten intercessory prayer can be so rich, so meaningful. So often, I treat it like my "to do" lists: "ok, prayed for #1, #2, #3 and #4 - check, check, check, and done." Or I hand it off to God as if to say, "Do what you can about these, and I'll get back with You later to see how it's going." He will be exalted in spite of me, I realize, but how much more blessed will I be to have been a part of seeing Him exalted through the lives of these I love as I lift them before the only One who can do anything and everything for them?

... the LORD our God is near us whenever we pray to him (Deut 4:7). Thanks for that. Be near, O God.

No

2010-09-23T10:47:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday morning's Bible study lesson was on prayer. Specifically, praying for those who are sick. A difficult topic, since many in our group have lost loved ones to cancer and other cruel, debilitating illnesses.

We pondered the whys and why nots of God's methods of healing - complete recovery on this side of heaven, complete recovery on that side. Of course, we say this to spin it in such a way that God says, "Yes" to our request for healing. It makes it a little more comfortable, however placating, answer of hope for believers in Christ. But, the truth is, the latter is a "No" answer. And human nature being what it is, we don't like to hear, "No."

I've always heard that God answers every prayer: "Yes" "No" or "Wait." That may be true. While we make out like waiting is the hardest of the answers, I think we're only fooling ourselves. "No" is the answer we simply don't want, because it may not have rationale to follow. At least with "Wait" we can usually see why in hindsight or gain a glimpse of the steps that had to be taken to bring the circumstances to bear. But "No" is so final. So "because I said so." So uncontrollable.

It's the "No"s that trip us up. They cause us to question God's goodness of character, the depth of his love, his dependability and/or his rightful place as sovereign Lord. But a God who won't say "No" is no more authoritative than a parent or employer who won't, and a God who can't say "No" is not really in control to begin with, so why should we bother to ask him to work at all? God knows it's a risk to say "No" to us; we may reject him altogether. That's a risk he is (and many parents and employers should be) willing to take.

The thing that always bothered me was that Jesus didn't know what it was like. I mean, every time he prayed, the answer was "Yes." He prayed for people to be healed...boom...a blind man could see. He prayed for the dead to be raised...boom...a little girl sits up from her bed, hungry. He prayed for food to be multiplied...boom...5000+ people are eating fish sandwiches on a hillside. He prayed for the agony of the cross to pass from him (Mark 14:36)..............and it didn't.

The answer was "No." Jesus did get a "No" from God. And his "No" wasn't "for his own good." (That's a reason I hear all the time. "God said, 'No' because he knew you didn't need that; it wouldn't be good for you." Sometimes that's just baloney.) God's "No" to Jesus had nothing to do with him, personally. It certainly wasn't because there was sin in his life. (That's another reason I hear: "God said, 'No' because you need to suffer the consequences for something you did once." Thanks, that's so helpful.) God's "No" to Jesus' plea had eternal, world-wide ramifications. If he'd said "Yes" what hope would you or I have for salvation?

Now, I'm not implying that every "No" we hear from God will result in someone's salvation or change the course of history as we know it. But it is helpful to know he has a reason, even if we don't like it. And his reasons can't make him mean or uncaring, because to be unkind is impossible for him. He is defined by love, the very fruit of his Spirit's nature is joy, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness (to name a few).

So when God says "No" to healing on this side of heaven, it might make us feel better to believe he really said, "Yes" to healing over there, but it helps me more to know Jesus knows the pain of hearing "No," too. And I believe, in his humanity, he didn't like that answer any more than I do.

Later on Sunday, a woman privately asked me a difficult and unanswerable question: Since there is complete healing in heaven for those who have received Christ's atoning sacrifice in forgiveness of their sins (based on Rev. 21:4), does it necessarily follow that those who die from a debilitating disease and chose to reject Christ's atoning sacrifice will endure that suffering in hell for eternity? In other words, if a Christ-follower dies of cancer and is thereby healed in heaven, does a non-Christ-follower who dies from cancer endure its effects forever in hell?

I'm going to do everything I can to make sure no one has to find out first-hand.

The One Who Came Back

2010-09-07T11:50:00.000-05:00

My devotional this morning led me to read Luke 17:11-19, where Jesus heals the 10 lepers and only one returns to express his gratitude. Of course, the point of the devotional was to be grateful for the things God has done in your life and I honestly went into it thinking, "I know: yada;yada"), but as only He can, God brought some other things to my attention this time.

Luke takes great pains to point out all ten lepers were healed as they walked away from Jesus toward the priests (v.14). Numerous sermons have been preached about the amount of faith these men had to turn away and begin walking before healing took place. I don't deny that's a great likelihood. But, I also wonder, as people in a position of great desperation, was He simply their last hope? I mean, what's the worst Jesus could say when they ask for mercy? "No"? They won't be any worse off than they are already. Instead, Jesus tells them to do something marginally ridiculous. He doesn't say hello, wish them God's grace, or even touch their decaying bodies. He tells them to go show themselves to the priests.

Now, they didn't say anything apparently (which is a credit to them, because I would have looked at Jesus like he was crazy, followed by a snide, "Seriously?"), but at least one of them had to have been thinking: "Um, Jesus, we know you're a nice guy and all, and seem to know a lot about God and stuff, but...we've already done that." The laws–see Leviticus 13 for full details–gave instruction to present oneself to the priest to be declared unclean. (I guess priests back then also went to med school?) Presumably, all ten of these men had done that. So, why, before they were healed, was Jesus sending them back to the priests? Jesus, of course, knew that Leviticus 14 instructs lepers who believe they've been healed to return to the priests for verification, sacrifices of offerings and reestablishment in the community. But you go to the priest for this confirmation after healing has occurred. Jesus is sending them before "doing" anything. He doesn't wave a magic wand or speak words of power over them. I wonder if they walked away, not in faithful assurance of healing, but rather in confusion, dejection, or even apathy, thinking: "It was a nice try. At least worth a shot." I wish Luke had recorded their real thoughts and the fervor with which they did or did not walk away from Christ.

He did, however, record an important fact: one of the lepers (the grateful one) was a Samaritan. Remember, these are the people Hebrews would walk miles to avoid. Funny how crisis draws enemies together. When they were all afflicted with leprosy, he was welcome in the unsightly family. But, now, following their healing, would he be welcome? Would the Jewish priests even look at him? Would the other nine still invite him to dine at their family tables, or would getting better make him an outcast once again?

Jesus says to him in verse 19, "Your faith has saved you." I think He's offering the former leper and Samaritan a place of belonging. He is saved. He is rescued. Not only from a terminal illness, but from isolation, loneliness and exclusion.

I suspicion that's why Luke alone tells this story and Jesus' parable of the Good Samaritan. He knew what it was like to be an outsider. According to tradition, Luke was of Greek heritage, not a Hebrew (like Matthew, Mark and John). He wrote so non-Jews might know there was hope for them in this Messiah, this Christ. Jesus offered promise for a future for all humanity who found faith in Him. I also suspect that as a doctor (which tradition also tells us he was), Luke had an interest in diseases–especially when they were healed!

Though he'd cried out from a distance as a diseased outcast (v.12), the Samaritan surrendered his pride in front of a Jewish rabbi and humbly and gratefully came back, came near, falling at the feet of the One who cleansed his life (v16). He didn't deny the truth or gravity of his previous condition like we sometimes do. Imagine if he'd said, "Thanks Jesus, but you know, my leprosy wasn't as bad as Bob's." ????? How ludicrous! Yet that's what we sound like when we delude ourselves into believing our sin wasn't that bad. "I'm a good person, overall." No, we're people in need of cleansing, even if only a little. And we are insufficient to cleanse ourselves. The Samaritan had already known he needed mercy (v.13), but he willingly received it. And, he recognized the power of God as the source for the change (v.15).

Jesus is clearly delighted by this man. I imagine a broad grin spread across His face as he looked down at the man and invited him to stand (v.19). Though he'd been humbled by mercy, Jesus reminds the Samaritan that his dignity is restored. He is not a "thing" to feared and run from any longer. He is whole. He is well. The one who came back now belongs.

Dan's Den

2010-08-19T09:01:00.002-05:00

I was reading in Daniel 6 yesterday about Daniel being thrown into the lions den, and I found some things I'd never before considered.

v.2 - Daniel isn't just a prince of one of the 120 provinces, he's a supervisor of those princes, along with two others.
v.3 - Daniel is about to be the next Joseph of the Israelites. Joseph was placed 2nd in command only to Pharaoh, even though he is a foreigner in Egypt. Daniel is about to become 2nd only to Darius the Mede, even though he, too, is a foreigner in Persia. With his presumably extensive knowledge of Hebrew history, did he grasp that fact? Was it overwhelming?
v.4 - Daniel sounds like a boy scout: "faithful and honest and always responsible!"
v.5 - If people were to look at me, would the only chance they'd have of finding grounds for accusation be in regard to my faith and practice of my faith?
v.7 - These guys are effective liars. "We have 'unanimously' agreed...." Obviously they didn't consult one of the king's top three guys, or Daniel would have been a dissenting vote!
- I love how they limit this law of worship to only 30 days. Were they trying to be sure they didn't offend their own gods too much? More than a month, and they might risk making their own gods a bit jealous!?
- And why lions? Was hanging out of vogue? Beheading too bloody? I think they didn't want to have to watch the murder of an innocent victim. Closing him up with deadly animals salved their conscience a bit, I suspect.
v.10 - Nothing changed for Daniel. His routine was not about to be disturbed by man-made unctions. And he didn't suddenly make his worship private for his own protection. I admit; I would have closed my windows, just as a precaution.
v.13 - The guy has been an official of the empire since the days of Nebuchadnezzar. He's a resident. He's about to be their boss, and yet the accusers refer to him, identify him as a slave: "one of the captives from Judah." And greatest adversaries always remember who we were. Satan himself stands before the God day and night (Rev. 12:10) reminding Him of our past, not the new creations we've become.
v.14 - I'm glad there's someone else who gets angry with himself for doing something stupid.
v.20 - The king uses an interesting expression, referring to Daniel as the servant of "the living God." He hasn't heard Daniel reply yet, but he knows of the power of Holy God, and speaks in faith and hope!
v.24 - I wonder how many leaders the king lost that day. He knew he'd have to kill the family members as well, because they might seek revenge on him or Daniel in years to come.
v.25-27 - This hymn of praise is beautiful; I hope it came not only as a proclamation to the people, but as an expression of the king's heart of worship and submission to Almighty God. I guess we'll find out one day.

Swimming with Turtles and Lightning Bugs

2010-08-18T15:03:00.002-05:00

Well, not actually swimming with the lightning bugs, just the turtles.

Growing up as a little girl in the woods of southwest Louisiana, I sat for hours on summer nights watching out the window to see the lightning bugs flicker through the night sky. (I sat inside, because only liars or the overly nostalgic/forgetful say they sat outside - you'd be eaten alive and carried away by mosquitoes if you really sat outside for hours.) I sat mesmerized and amazed by their glow. Even as a child, those tiny creatures were one of the intricacies of creation that convinced me of an Intelligent Designer (who has a sense of humor and delight). Who else would think to make a bug that lights up? Surely God must giggle like I do and smile as each bug competes with the stars in the vast expanse of his creation! And on the scientific side of things, the fact that different species of fireflies have different flash patterns to attract their own kind is only another point of evidence for His master plan.

So moving out here to the lake has been a reminder of all those wonderful hours gazing at the glow of the lightning bugs. We have them in proliferation out here, and I'm delighted. So if you hear a giggle in the darkness - it's me.

Now, as for the turtles, I'm not as big a fan. Oh, they're cute...over there. Not right beside me as a I paddle through the water. We had turtles in south Louisiana, too, but I opted not to swim with them or the crawfish in the front ditch. (Although once I remember we had a big flood - @ 12 inches of rain - and as my sister and I waded through the front yard, an eel swam by. We screamed. And ran. Of course, we were sure it was a deadly serpent, but when my dad saw it, we got a science lesson...indoors, of course.) Anyway, one turtle just seemed to follow me today. I was only in the water for about 40 minutes, but he kept popping his head up right ahead of me. I don't know if my sunscreen was his favorite scent or what, but I'll be wearing something different tomorrow. As a matter of note - turtles are in the reptile family, and to this new-to-the-lake live-r, a turtle's head looks too much like a snake's. All that to say, if you hear a scream in the blazing light of day, it's probably me.

Coming to My Senses

2010-07-14T09:17:00.006-05:00

My devotional reading this morning was Jesus' parable of the Prodigal Son. A familiar story, I know. Yet the author of the devotional thought raised a theory I'd never heard, and I'm not sure I agree with. He said:

There were three kinds of servants in those days: day workers who were paid on a day-to-day basis; hired servants who worked long hours on the estate but lived in town with their independence intact; or bond servants who lived on the estate and gave all of themselves to serving the family.

When the prodigal son hit rock bottom, it's interesting that his planned apology involved asking if he could be like a hired servant [see Luke 15:17,19]. Why not a grateful bond servant? Perhaps he was trying to negotiate a deal--a way to get a paycheck and keep his independence as well.

While I can appreciate the author's point, and think it's certainly plausible, I tend to think there's another possibility. Perhaps because the younger son had finally come "to his senses" [v.17], he was so ashamed of his behavior and choices he didn't want to have to live (as a bond servant), moment-by-moment with the family. Perhaps he feared facing repercussions from family members: whispers behind his back as he left after serving at the dinner table, exasperation in their voices as they corrected his workmanship in the shed, mocking tones if he expressed an alternate point of view or suggestion about something in the field. (And apparently legitimately so, based upon the later responses of the older brother in v.28ff.) Maybe it wasn't independence he was seeking as much as it was shame he was escaping. To return home took amazing humility, coupled with determination to make life better. If the son asked to be the first kind of servant, a day-to-day worker, I'd buy the devotional author's argument about a search for independence. But his desire to have a steady job on the property (not just for harvest season or something like that) seems to indicate a new maturity. In that maturity, he knew he needed a place and opportunity to escape the ever-critical eyes. Not only will pride lead us to make certain choices; shame will as well.

But Jesus' continuation of the Father's welcoming arms assures the listener there is no reason to be afraid. As John later writes, "As we live in God, our love grows more perfect...Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love" (1 John 4:17-18). The younger son didn't need to allow shame to control his future. He was accepted with perfect love, with no fear of punishment. I suspicion if Jesus had continued the story, he might have explained there were consequences to the poor choices the son had made previously. The results of his decisions were not erased, but his hope and future were no longer determined by them. No longer dead, but alive; no longer lost, but found [v.32].

And we've been invited to experience the same, unconditional, ever-giving and forgiving kind of perfect love. Yet, too often, I look for ways to escape, believing God looks at me with critical eyes, ever-reminded of my failures. Oh, not that he'd be so unkind and ungentlemanly as to bring them up, but alert and aware, expecting me to fail again, waiting (in disdain and mere tolerance) for it to happen. If you struggle with this as I do, (let's come "to our senses" and) read aloud the following words from Psalm 103. Let them wash over your mind, heart, body and soul. In fact, I wonder if these words weren't in the back of Jesus' mind as he told his prodigal son parable nearly 2000 years ago:

Let all that I am praise the Lord;
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!

The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
He does not punish us for all our sins;
he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.

On a side note, Jesus never describes the younger son as a "young" man. He merely describes him as being younger than the older brother. Which indicates to me that at any age people may lose their "senses"!

Hospitality

2010-07-12T10:01:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I had the privilege of teaching in a Bible study class at church filled with people who are "more experienced" than myself. (It's the class my parents visit when they're in town.) The teachers graciously invited me to teach one of the lessons I'd written for BaptistWay published in this summer's curriculum. It was a lively discussion and very enjoyable for me. (I hope a majority of them felt the same!) The lesson was about Hospitality as a biblical mandate; and I'm happy to report the class showed me a great deal of it!

As I began the lesson, I showed Jerry two miniature pound cakes. One looked light and delicious; the other dark and unappetizing; both sprinkled with powdered sugar. I then asked him which one he'd like. Naturally, he pointed to the first. But my point was this: as the giver, I could choose to give him whichever I wanted, regardless of his preference. Hospitality, in the biblical sense, chooses to give the best, the preferred, to the other person, meeting his/her needs. We mentioned various examples of hospitality throughout Scripture: God's provision of everything they needed for Adam and Eve; God's offer to the Israelites of a land which flowed with milk and honey; God's law that provided for Ruth to glean in Boaz's field; Jesus' teachings and example of humble service; even God's provision for our eternity in heaven - everything we'll ever need in grand style! As I consider it now, the Gospel story itself and the act of sharing it with others are probably the two greatest hospitable demonstrations of all!

Writing that lesson, and now teaching it, have further challenged my perceptions of my own practices of hospitality. I've been "weighed in the balance and found wanting," to quote Daniel. I too often find excuses of finances, time or well-being to exert the energy and effort it takes to show hospitality - and I don't just mean throwing a party. Hospitality, first and foremost, is a state of mind - an attitude of welcome that communicates to those around you that they are valuable and desired. That's what God demonstrates through Jesus' sacrifice-his desire for us. It then manifests itself through action - striving to meet the greatest need of the person in your path: emotionally, physically or spiritually. When we express the message of saving hope to others, we express our desire for them to be with us for eternity! While I have moments of "success," in this area of hospitality, I still have so far to go.

The discussion branched off a couple of times into an examination of political law and practice, particularly regarding immigration issues, which, to be honest, I was totally unprepared for. In fact, in my naivete and general avoidance of politics, I didn't even see it coming. What I wish I'd said (you know, in those brilliant conversations you have on the way home in the car), to divert that road mine, was while political immigration issues are certainly of importance, our focus for the day was to be an examination of self - how I am practicing hospitality in daily life. Oh, well. Maybe someone, somewhere in the room grasped that concept!

The funniest moment of all came after the majority left the room. One sweet lady walked up to where I was standing with the mini-pound cakes and marveled at why Jerry had picked the one he did. After all, she'd "pick chocolate every time!" I laughed, and holding it up for her see, said, "It's not chocolate. It's burned." I think there may be a future devotional [or illustration] in that somewhere.

Convicted.

2010-06-10T09:39:00.014-05:00

67 in a 55. That's how fast I was going yesterday when a police officer pulled me over. The change to 70 mph was literally less than 75 yards ahead of me. I could see the sign. I could almost smell it, I was so close.

But, I wasn't there. I was still in the 55 zone going 12 mph faster than permitted. (Turns out, those signs aren't suggestions. Who knew?!)

When his flashing lights came on, I pulled over, slid my license out of my wallet, dug my insurance card out of the glove compartment, and waited. And waited. And waited. I still have temporary tags on my car (I get the real ones today), so I guess it takes a while to look up a vehicle like that to make sure it hasn't been stolen. At least, that's what I'm supposing. Either that, or he just wanted to make me sweat a little longer!

When he finally arrived beside my door, I handed him the paperwork, we had a conversation about my erroneous ways, and he told me...to slow down. No ticket; not even a written warning. Mercy flooded over me in a very real and practical way, soothing my heart and mind.

A vivid reminder of grace. What it looks like, how it feels, what it means. Believers have each been rescued by God's grace from various sinful behaviors. Galatians 5:19-21 has a long list of some of them (sexual immorality, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, drunkenness), that tempt and call back His beloved to their death-grip. Satan uses these to gain a foothold of destruction in lives so they will be rendered useless for the Kingdom of God, and personal relationships with the Heavenly Father will grow stale and meaningless.

Not listed in this passage, but in more than 60 other passages throughout the Bible is pride. Among many others, it's my greatest struggle. I get comfortable in doing the "right" things, or not doing the "wrong" things, comparing my actions or behaviors to other people, developing some kind of self-righteous attitude. And then something like yesterday occurs to shake me up. A reminder that I have done nothing worthy of praise. In fact, my righteousness is as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). No, I haven't murdered anyone, haven't used drugs as an addiction to fill empty places in my life, but none of the things that I do "right" are to my credit, either. They are because the Holy Spirit has been at work. As a human being, this side of Heaven, I am called to strive for perfection (1 Peter 1:15-16), but I will never achieve it with my own volition or effort. I may even be less than 75 yards away; able to see it, able to smell it, I may be so close. But I am still, nonetheless, guilty and convicted. And it is only grace that has spared me.

After Jonah preached to the Ninevites and they repented he had some serious self-righteousness issues. He even accused God of being too "gracious and compassionate...slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity" (Jonah 4:1-2). And after God asked him a question, Jonah gave Him the silent treatment!! (Which is typical of us self-righteous types, by-the-way: too holy to talk to or be seen talking to others, fooling no one but ourselves.) As it turns out, God let him sit in silence, and even provided a vine to grow up and give Jonah shade in the heat of the day. Jonah, naturally, received this act of mercy for himself. (After all, didn't he deserve it for being such a good person, especially since he acted in obedience even when he didn't agree with God?)

But Jonah broke his silence to complain - self-righteous folks are good at complaining - when God allowed a worm to eat that vine of shade. And it's a good picture of what happens inside prideful individuals. Self-righteousness eats them up within, leaving manure of bitterness that decomposes into the soul, rotting it rather than fertilizing it, rendering them (me) useless, and relationships with God, stagnant.

So I'm grateful to that officer for getting me out of my self-righteous, self-absorbed funk yesterday. God used him (and my lead foot) to remind me that I'm convicted, but covered with His amazing grace. And, oh boy, did I slow down.

Running Water

2010-06-08T11:08:00.005-05:00

I'm grateful for running water. Until it's running from under the sink.

After I'd showered and dressed this morning, I went to the kitchen in my bare feet to fix myself a bowl of cereal. As I poured the milk, I noticed the rug in front of the sink was a little damp. "Huh," I thought to myself, "I wonder what that's about; I'll need to keep an eye on that." Shrugging it off for the moment, I took a few bites and realized my Honey Smacks tasted more like their cardboard box container than cereal should, so I returned to the sink to pour the staleness down the disposal. As I ran the water, I felt a tickling sensation on my foot. At first, I pulled back as though a bug had been running on it. Then, I saw the falls. Water pouring out from under the cabinet doors.

Panic set in immediately. Thoughts of plumbing bills began mentally ringing up in my head. Being the do-it-yourself-er I tend to think I can be, I figured I ought to at least examine the situation. Moving the rug and all the stuff under the sink so I could dry the area with towels, I then realized, quite simply, that the curvy-down part of the pipe had come disconnected from the straight-down part (those are the technical terms).

So, I fixed it. I hoisted the curvy-down part up on top of an old apple juice jar, which now holds it in place beautifully. The picture above shows my masterful handiwork. At least we can use the sink for now. I think a little glue and plumber's putty will be the necessary solutions, but I'll let Darin work on that while I'm at Super Summer next week. (Hee Hee!)

If someone can come up with a great spiritual truth in this experience, I'm open for suggestions. I'm just relieved the flood has stopped!

Little Miss Fussy Pants

2010-02-10T11:00:00.003-06:00

I've sat down to write. What about, I'm not really sure. I just have this sense of urgency that I must write, or be disobedient.

I've delayed and deliberated for an hour or so, trying to think of something meaningful, clever or at the least, informative, but I've drawn a blank. So, I'll write about my morning:

Tracci arrived with Rylee (10 mo.) just after 7 AM. Thankfully, I'd set the alarm, so I was at least prepared for her arrival. Ok, "prepared" might be a little strong. I was "somewhat awake and decently dressed."

Rylee was tired and cranky - not a morning person any more than I am - so I rubbed her back until she fell asleep. For a few minutes. By that time, Darin was showered and ready for breakfast, so the three of us sat down to banana muffins, oatmeal and Lucky Charms. I won't bore you with who ate what. Nor will I tell you about the really gross diaper that followed.

After Darin left for the church, I finished my time "alone" with God, cleaned up the kitchen and sat down to read and play with Rylee. It didn't last long. She wanted to be held, nothing else would do. But then even that became insufficient. So, I let little miss fussy pants crawl around on the floor and holler for a while. She didn't cry a single tear, so I knew she wasn't upset, hurting or needy, just mad or missing her mom. Before long, I watched her pull a blanket onto the floor and curl up. Aha! Finally, tired enough to do something about it! Scooping her into my arms, we sat down on the couch and she fell asleep almost immediately.

She's still resting in a sweet peace.

Huh.

I guess that's me sometimes, too. Wanting the comforting peace of God, yet unsettled in his arms. So, I crawl around and holler for a while - Little Miss Fussy Pants. Finally, I come to the end of my rope, emotionally exhausted, grab the nearest cozy blanket and curl up on a cold floor. And the gracious Comforter, who wanted to talk and play with me all along, scoops me into his arms, offering warmth, stillness and peace.

So far, I think that's what 2010 is going to be about for me. Learning to be content; receiving and welcoming the peace of God. Accepting life as it is, here and now, rolling with the punches (hopefully) a little better; I feel like I'm stiffening as I age rather than becoming more flexible.

Shakespeare's opening lines in Richard III read:

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this sun of York

His meaning (as I understand it - I wasn't a Lit major, ok?) is the time of unsettledness is soon to disappear; a new and glorious day is dawning. Unfortunately, Richard's planning a coup to take over the throne, destroy his brother and rule the nation with malevolence.

While that's not in my scheme (I don't have a brother!), I would like to think of any discontent or unsettledness in my life, heart and mind as the winter prologue to a glorious summer. Perhaps 2010's motto for me can read like this:

Then was the winter of my discontent
Now made glorious summer by this Son of God.

Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.” John 8:12

For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:6

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Colossians 3:15

God Must Be Laughing

2010-01-06T08:10:00.006-06:00

It's cold here in East Texas. And not just "Cold For East Texas" Cold. We're talking "Temperatures Expected To Dip Into The Teens, And Windchills In Single Digits" Cold.

Monday afternoon I spent several hours in the pasture behind the house collecting sticks and small branches to use for kindling fires in the fireplace. I can't seem to find enough clothing to keep warm. (Typing with gloves may create misspellings - my apologies!) And I should probably take everything out of the extra refrigerator in the garage, because it's colder in the garage than in the refrigerator in the garage. (Did that make sense?) Meanwhile, Western New York is facing its coldest winter in 20 years and the UK is facing its coldest winter in 30 years!

But for decades now, we've heard humanity is destroying the earth through a process called "Global Warming" (more recently altered to "Climate Change" in light of the arctic temperatures). Mankind, we've been told, through aerosols, soot, pollutants, carbon footprints, greenhouse gasses, and population growth has been systematically destroying the Universe as we know it. While I certainly and thoroughly endorse responsible stewardship of creation through recycling and conservation, I think many individuals and governments have placed Creation as an idol of worship in place of her Creator. How supercilious we are to believe we can throw completely out of whack all God Omnipotent put into motion!

It reminds me of Romans 1:19-25,28 (paraphrased from NLT):

God has made the truth about himself obvious. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God. But though they knew God, they wouldn’t worship him as God or even give him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. As a result, their minds became dark and confused. Claiming to be wise, they instead became utter fools. And instead of worshiping the glorious, ever-living God, they traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done.

I think this sentiment was behind God's words to Job (38:2-6, 19, 21-24), too:

"Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself like a man, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much. Who determined its dimensions and stretched out the surveying line? What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone? Where does light come from, and where does darkness go? But of course you know all this! For you were born before it was all created, and you are so very experienced! Have you visited the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of hail? (I have reserved them as weapons for the time of trouble, for the day of battle and war.) Where is the path to the source of light? Where is the home of the east wind?"

Unanswerable questions for his arrogant creation. I suspicion he blew a little extra breath of cold this winter, just to remind us Who's in charge. Sitting on his throne in heaven, warmed by the roaring fire of his glory, God must be shaking his head and laughing.

Now, where's my earmuffs?

Enemy Occupied Territory

2009-12-04T10:44:00.005-06:00

What a weird 7 days. Walking from the joys of Thanksgiving on Thursday to the funeral on Friday of a precious godly lady who lived her 81 years with love and honor, then learning of someone else's need for emergency brain surgery. Seeing these who want to live and learning of another who took his own life in another part of the state. Watching Tiger Woods' poor choices revealed and imagining the grief and self-doubt experienced by his beautiful wife. Reading these statistics from Darrin Patrick, pastor of The Journey church:

1500 pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.
50% of pastors' marriages will end in divorce.
80% of pastors and eighty-four percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their role as pastors.
50% of pastors are so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could, but have no other way of making a living.
80% of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first 5 years.
70% percent of pastors constantly fight depression.
Almost 40% polled said they have had an extra-marital affair since beginning their ministry.
70% said the only time they spend studying the Word is when they are preparing their sermons.
80% of pastors' spouses feel their spouse is overworked.
80% of pastors' spouses wish their spouse would choose another profession.
The majority of pastor's wives surveyed said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry.

Put all these together and the collision of them confirms 1 Peter 5:8 that I must stay alert. (Watching) out for (my) great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

C.S. Lewis, in Mere Christianity describes it as living in "enemy-occupied territory."

But, rather than dwelling on these attacks, I must return to last Thursday, when I was thankful for so much about my life. I'm thankful to be the wife of a godly man who was committed to purity before I met him and is committed to it now. I'm thankful for examples of faithfulness (that 81-year-old lady was married 57 years to her life's love), who prove it is possible to live in victory over our enemy. I'm thankful to be in ministry with people who love and affirm the calling of God on my life, not only as a minister's wife and Bible study writer but as a person. I'm thankful that the worst health issues I have are a propensity toward sinus infections and a gimpy knee every now and then.

But I will stay alert, too. Not become comfortable and complacent in my thanksgiving. It doesn't mean I have to live as though the devil is lurking behind every tree, but it does mean I live with the understanding and expectation that in this world, (I) will have trouble (John 16:33). All the while remembering that Jesus has warned us of this so we might have peace, knowing with assurance he has overcome [defeated, overpowered, subjugated, mastered, conquered, vanquished] the world (John 16:32-33). We may be living in enemy-occupied territory, but it still belongs to the Creator. Alleluia.

Christmas Lite

2009-12-02T10:51:00.007-06:00

We're doing Christmas lite this year. While the first assumption is that we're spending less, that isn't actually true; we're just spending more wisely. Things we actually need, not a bunch of fluff so there's lots of boxes and bags under the tree. We're also doing Christmas lite in two other ways:

We're not doing much decorating since we're trying to sell the house. I don't want or need to unpack all the Christmas ornaments and decorations only to pack them back up again to move them. Although it's a little sad, I'm already looking forward to decorating next year, because I'll have really missed seeing some of the items that are precious and dear for sentimental reasons. (Of course, that assumes we'll have sold the house by Christmas next year. Please, God.) We've got the tree up, the creche, the advent candles, a few decorative pillows, and some garland on the mantel with our stockings, but not much more. My International Santa Claus collection is staying in the attic, along with the snow village and lots of odds and ends. No exterior illumination, just a wreath on the door. Oddly enough, this bare-bones, lite version of decorating is still comforting. It's still "filling" without being "overstuffed." I guess, if anything, it's whet my appetite for more. Exactly where I need to be.
Like Darin preached on Sunday, we're also fasting a few things individually to make ourselves spiritually hungry for more. I've never been one to neglect the real "reason for the season," but I do want Christ to reveal more of himself and his purposes in me. What does that mean? What does it look like? I haven't a clue. But keeping the Advent season "lite" is deepening my desire to be filled, not by the sights, sounds and smells of Christmas, but by Christ Himself. Will I receive some great revelation? I don't know. But I just might discover new depths in the love my best Friend and Father has for me. And that's more filling and satisfying than anything in the world.

Mulling It Over

2009-12-01T16:21:00.004-06:00

Wow. The whole month of November flew by without a single post. I'd make excuses about the holidays and being out of town (which I was for @ a week), but the reality is I've been trying to gather my thoughts into a cohesive whole. I'm still not there, yet, (nor am I likely to ever be!) but with large portions of my Christmas shopping now done, I'm beginning to see daylight glimmer in the recesses of my mind.

Along with the personal thoughts of the meaning of life as I know it, I've also been mulling over a couple passages of scripture:

1 John 2:16 - For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.

and

Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

I don't have any great breakthrough theological insights into either, but here's a couple thoughts I thunk. It's widely known that women deal more in feelings and emotions, and men are controlled strongly by their sight. I think it's interesting John includes worldly things which affect both genders in his verse. Women are definitely affected by our flesh, what we feel to be true. By the same token, men's decisions are frequently controlled by what they see to be reality. The fact is, illusions are all around us - male or female - and our fleshly desires or visions may be leading us away from the Father. Then, of course, all humanity struggles with the "boastful pride of life." I'm not saying women are never led astray by their eyes and men don't submit to their feelings, it's just a general observation about our general temptations.

I read through all of Paul's letter to the Philippians recently and was struck by how we sometimes cheapen 4:13. Certainly this verse is applicable in all circumstances in which we need strength or courage, but look again at the circumstances in which he finds himself strengthened by God: with humble means, hungry, suffering need (v.12). Yet in those desperate straits, Paul has learned contentment and has found the strength for sheer survival in Christ. He's not talking about strength to put up with a slow line in the grocery store; he's talking about not having money to even go to the grocery store. He's not talking about strength to endure 10 minutes worth of commercials during his favorite show; he's talking about not even having a place to sleep at night. Paul had perspective I hope to one day obtain and emulate. He knew what mattered. He knew truth and reality. He knew Christ.

Philippians 3:10 - I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.

Is That Really What You Meant?

2009-10-19T11:29:00.002-05:00

I just saw an online Halloween ad for Busch Gardens. It read, "Evil never goes out of fashion."

Wow. I realize I'm prone to queasiness, and Halloween isn't one of my favorite "holidays," but is that really what they meant?

Their ad campaign, when I visited the website, revealed a video of models walking down the catwalk in strange attire who suddenly transform into vampire-like creatures, leaping into the audience, attacking and biting the necks of observers. While creepy, I can endure it. It's the idea that evil is something to be desired that is disturbing to me.

Dictionary.com lists the following definitions for the noun form of the word evil:

--	the force in nature that governs and gives rise to wickedness and sin.

--	the wicked or immoral part of someone or something

--	harm; mischief; misfortune: to wish one evil.

--	anything causing injury or harm.

--	a harmful aspect, effect, or consequence: the evils of alcohol.

--	a disease, as king's evil.

Now, see the definitions given for fashion:

--	a prevailing custom or style of dress, etiquette, socializing, etc.

--	conventional usage in dress, manners, etc., esp. of polite society, or conformity to it.

--	manner; way; mode: in a warlike fashion.

--	the make or form of anything.

--	a kind; sort.

For all the talk of government ideologies of world peace and toleration (which can't be achieved without Christ, but that's a subject for another day), what this ad states is that humanity doesn't desire those things; rather, what captures our hopes and attention is evil. In spite of all the negative adjectives associated with the definition of evil, what is to be emulated or conformed to in our culture, society and planet is anything harmful.

I know the ad execs were trying to be clever, but is that really what they meant?

The LORD of hosts will be exalted in judgment, and the holy God will show Himself holy in righteousness. . . .Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and clever in their own sight! (Isaiah 5:16, 20, 21.)

God, help me to desire and celebrate good; to think on things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, excellent and praise-worthy.

A Proverb for Today

2009-10-08T10:20:00.002-05:00

Some days make life change, and some lives make change daily. I think I'm somewhere in the middle today.

Big Brother

2009-09-29T08:02:00.002-05:00

Jesus' parable about the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 beautifully describes the character of God as forgiving and receptive to those who chose to dishonor him with their lives and then recognize the error of their ways. It also seems to paint a picture of the Pharisees as a bitter, jealous, exacting big brother. While I do believe Jesus meant to reflect the attitudes of the Pharisees in the character of the older brother, I think there's room for grace, too.

Jesus says the older son was in the fields working (vs. 25) when the younger brother returned and the party began. He was where he should be, doing what he should. That's commendable, and the father later recognizes that. Then, after a hard day of labor, the older son arrives at the house and finds a party going on (vs. 25 still). If it were me, I'd certainly have felt unloved and forgotten: "They didn't even remember to come invite me to a party at my own home?" And he had to find out from a servant, not a family member (vs. 26,27).

No wonder he was angry and didn't want to share in the festivities. But, here's where I think he made his first mistake. When his father came out to him, leaving behind the party for a personal interview and connection with him, the older son defended his faithful service and loyalty while comparing himself to his foolish younger brother (vs. 29-30). Neither the Pharisees nor we should judge or evaluate someone else's relationship with God. Only God holds the measuring tape; he doesn't need us to point out the mistakes of others, as though he might overlook them were it not for our powers of observation. And there the big brother made his second mistake. It wasn't the younger brother's behavior being celebrated. It was his life, his mere existence and safety. The father says "this son of mine/your brother was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found" (vs. 24 and 32).

I think too often we get in our minds that God is unfair when good things happen to bad people (and vice versa, but that's for another day). But the father in the story never condones or approves of his younger son's behavior. It's the life he celebrates. It's the repentance he rejoices over. This story doesn't necessarily indicate the younger son will be reestablished with all the rights and privileges he had before; he may have to live with consequences. In fact, the father tells the older son "everything I have is yours" (vs. 31). But that's not for the brothers to decide; it's at the discretion of the giver, the father.

And here's where Jesus' grace is reflected most clearly, I think: there's no ending to the story. We don't know if the older brother joined the party. Jesus left room for the Pharisees to participate; he didn't assume they'd run away in (perceived) self-righteousness. After the father's explanation and affirmation of relationship (vs. 31), Jesus leaves a cliffhanger for us to decide: Did the older brother accept the father's reasoning or did he turn and walk away? Will the Pharisees imagine themselves joining in the celebration? Will I?

Father, help me to see the value of all people, including myself, not for what they do or don't do, but for the image in which they were created--Yours.

I Think It's True, Anyway.

2009-09-25T17:17:00.003-05:00

Anonymous praise is philanthropic;
Anonymous criticism is cowardice.

What A Little Bird Told Me

2009-09-23T15:24:00.005-05:00

Sometimes the lessons you're learning are difficult to see in the midst of the circumstances you're living, but this one, I got. I've read about it in books, seen it on television, even talked to people who've had the experience, but today I felt it firsthand.

I've been commissioned to write two more BaptistWay Sunday School lessons for publication next Summer. One of the lessons is on forgiveness, the other on hospitality. I had no idea while sitting at my kitchen table I'd get to practice the compassion of Christ so personally.

Just before 3 pm, I was intently engrossed, typing away when a sudden "bang!" hit the window beside me. My heart skipped a beat, and my hands froze; I was a little afraid to look. Peeking over, a beautiful cardinal lay floundering on our porch, desperately trying to gather his footing. Tiny feathers remained stuck to the window where he'd flown at full-speed, ramming himself into the glass. He was clearly shaken, and my poor heart broke. I began to pray, asking God to help the poor creature. It was so obvious he was terrified and stunned. Exerting every ounce of energy, he tried to fly away, but flapping his wings furiously, he still could not get off the ground.

Then I looked back at the passage of Scripture that lay before me: "The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me'" (Matthew 25:40). (I know Jesus wasn't a bird - just hang with me!)

"OK, Lord," I thought, "I'll do what I can, but that bird will be so afraid. He won't know that he can trust me. He might even try to run away or bite me in defense." Stepping outside, I slowly approached the bird, reached down and picked up the delicate creature. His eyes were wide with terror, and he practically trembled in my palm. I gently stroked his soft back, whispered assurances, and walked across the porch to gather some birdseed for him as a token of friendship and compassion. He wouldn't move. He couldn't move.

I carried him to our propane tank in the back yard, set him down with the seed, and turned to walk away, praying that God would either give me wisdom to know how to help, or heal him so he might once again fly. Since it was now 3 pm, I had to leave the defenseless creature for a few minutes while I went to get Lil' D from school. He was high enough our community cats wouldn't notice him immediately and might not be able to get to him without slipping.

When we returned from school, I invited Lil' D to come out with me to see the bird and pray with me God would heal it. As we cautiously walked toward the propane tank, we watched as a flock of various birds scattered from the tree in the backyard. Still our little cardinal sat helplessly perched. When I got within two feet of him and stretched out my hand, he suddenly lifted up and flew away! A prayer answered.

Then I realized, with tears in my eyes, that's what it's like with God and me. Each time I ram my head against the struggles of life, he steps out to meet me, slowly approaches me in my pain, reaches down and picks up my delicate heart. My eyes are wide with terror, and I practically tremble in his hand. He strokes me, whispers assurances, and walks across time and space to offer his friendship and compassion. And yet after all he's done, I'm still afraid. I still doubt that he can be trusted. Sometimes, broken as I am, I even try to fly away or bite back in defense. How foolish I am.

And since I've been shown such compassion and grace, how can I even think of withholding mercy and hospitality to others who have needs and ache, too? Matthew 6:26 says, "Look at the birds of the air... Are you [and others] not worth much more than they?" I think, I hope that I will forever read this passage differently, and remember what a little bird told me.

Personal Politician

2009-09-01T08:45:00.006-05:00

It's pretty rare that I'll address anything political on my blog, but this time, it's personal. Real personal.

Best Man in our wedding, and Darin's dear friend for 20 years, James Lankford is running for Congress. I can't vote for him because I don't live in Oklahoma, but I'm proud to spread the word about him! Here's a couple of links about him on Blogspot and Facebook for those of you who are interested.

(Is it too early to go shopping for a dress to wear to his inauguration?!)

Fact or Fiction?

2009-08-28T17:48:00.006-05:00

As most folks know, I love a good mystery. Always have. Even as a 4th grader, I was fascinated with stories that held suspense. That's the first time I remember learning about the Loch Ness Monster and the Bermuda Triangle. (Although I was in high school before I realized the Monster was not located in the Bermuda Triangle, but my 10th grade Geography teacher straightened that out.)

I guess that's why I found this tidbit from Christian History so interesting:

August 22, 565
Celtic missionary and abbot Columba reportedly confronts the Loch Ness Monster and becomes the first recorded observer of the creature. "At the voice of the saint, the monster was terrified," wrote his biographer, "and fled more quickly than if it had been pulled back with ropes."

Science has worked to prove or disprove the existence of the Loch Ness creature, using sonars and satellites to resound a distorted signal due to the air in "Nessie's" lungs.

Honestly, I don't really care whether it's true or not. I've heard theories proposing "Leviathan" in Job 3 & 41, Psalm 74 & 104 and Isaiah 27 are everything from crocodiles and alligators to the Loch Ness Monster.

However, I do find it interesting a saint is the first recorded observer. Hmmm.

At War with the Spiders

2009-08-25T10:43:00.004-05:00

Funny things, spider's webs. Small kingdoms in dark corners. Nearly invisible for a time, you usually can't even see them until they've captured a prey, stuck to the silky threads, seemingly defying gravity as it dangles in space. There's not much proactive hunting that goes on in the life of a spider that way. It's more of a "wait for it to come to me" mentality. Yet, the whole time it waits, it's working. Spinning. Building its kingdom strand by strand.

But it's not a strong kingdom. It will fail with a strong burst of wind or the intrusion of a larger object.

Lately, in my house, the spiders have been winning. With all the hot weather, and while we were out of town, several arachnids moved in and set up shop. I keep finding them under cabinets, tangled in light fixtures, tucked in tiny places even my vacuum can't reach.

I can't help but think I let that happen in my own life, sometimes. While I'm checked out doing life, focusing on my other "rat-killing" as my Dad calls it, the spiders creep in, and in the dark places of my mind and heart, begin to catch joy and distort it. They take areas of my discontent and turn them into jealousy. They catch my struggle with a relationship, and that struggle remains stuck in limbo, neither healing nor breaking. Instead, it is simply consumed and thereby destroyed.

It's in those moments, when the spiders are winning, I must cry out to the One who can clean out those dark corners with the light of his Truth; the power of his hand, wiping away the fragile cobwebs of Satan's lies. It might take a while for it all to get cleaned up, but it will be well worth the result.

But if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us... 1 John 1:7

Bookends

2009-08-17T01:42:00.002-05:00

I seem to have a lot a of bookends in my life. Moments that define the beginning of one segment of my journey and the end of another. Yesterday was one of those moments. It was awkward. I actually wanted to throw up a couple of times. It wasn't that I didn't want the bookend, I just wanted to get it over with. Emotions were fragile and very close to the surface. It was our last day of worship with FBC Frankston.

I did great until friends from the congregation came to lay hands and pray over Darin, Lil' D and me. It was a beautiful, touching, face-to-face reminder of the lives God has blessed me to know. Some of those faces have crawled on the ground beside me weeding flower beds; others have wept with me in prayer. Some have sung with me in worship to our Savior, or winked in glee over a game of dominoes. Some have had loving, welcoming smiles to dissipate the sorrow of a frustrating day. Those faces have purpose and meaning for me. They may not know until Heaven the tremendous depths of my soul they touched.

When I remember Frankston, I will remember that moment of prayer, looking up to see the faces of people who showed their love by committing my future to our eternal Father. Loving me and God enough to let me go be obedient somewhere else.

Now for the first chapter in the next book...

Mission Trip Catch-Up

2009-08-08T06:29:00.022-05:00

I'm finally taking time to post some pictures from our mission trip to Galveston. Truthfully, I'd rather be in bed than posting these pictures, but since I can't sleep at this 6:30 hour on Saturday morning, I'm finding a way to at least be semi-productive. (Nobody should be doing something as necessary as laundry at this time of day.)

These first two pix were taken on Monday of our trip. We painted Hazel's house. (That's "Daffodil" if you'd like the name of the paint color.) We also painted a bathroom and cleaned some on the inside, buying her a few decorative and food items. I had a classic Three Stooges type-moment when someone warned me the handrail was wet as I prepared to descend the front steps. Two seconds later, when I needed to run back inside the house and grab something, I put my hand right on the rail's wet paint. Short-term memory loss. Oh, and do not try this at home: It's important to note in the second photo Zak is seated on the bottom of the ladder on which I am standing. This is significant because the ladder is on the inclined ramp. Without his weight counter-balancing my own, I'd have been head first on top of Duane there.

The coordinators of the rebuilding effort expected the painting to take us two days, but we were so speedy, they had to hunt around for a couple of hours on Tuesday morning to find us another project:

What you're seeing here are the before and after photos. We weeded a frog pond and butterfly garden at a local elementary school. It was untouched since the hurricane. Yes, the water still looks green, but at least you can now differentiate it from the grass! I think we counted 9 bags of weeds and trash from this 25' x 25' area!

On Wednesday morning, we worked in a warehouse helping the workers organize boxes and crates of donated furniture and other goods. Most of the items were given by The Today Show, including this tractor which Al Roker rode!

Finally, on Thursday, we joined the balance of our group at a house being insulated and sheet-rocked (not sure what the past tense of that activity actually is). Mostly, I cleaned the yard, swept the interior and tried to stay out of the way!

Then in the afternoon, we visited the beach:

We fed seagulls, buried Josh and splashed in the waves. Fabulous!

As you can see, God used us to make several small, but significant differences in the lives of the people we helped. We worked hard, sweated profusely and loved every minute of it!
Oh, and here's what we did for the balance of our time:

Words of Life and Power

2009-07-30T18:26:00.002-05:00

"If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it. -Anais Nin (French writer)

I've liked this quote for sometime, now. It also explains why I haven't had a lot to say, lately. While it is true: "writers write," I don't think every thought which comes to my head should be inflicted upon the public at large!

I've done a great deal of talking to God (and some listening, too), through my experiences at youth camp as an adult sponsor, where I was blessed to lead our student's quiet time, as well as on the Galveston Mission Trip for which I had the distinct privilege of writing the daily quiet time devotionals for our group. Both of these opportunities fueled and exercised my passion for helping people spend time in the Word of God.

Maybe that's why the quote up top resonates with my heart. Hebrews 4:12 says,"The word of God is alive and powerful." Only something alive can breathe, cry out or sing, and Scripture does all of these when exposed to a heart and mind that are open to its influence. And certainly our culture has need for all that the Word breathes, all that it cries out to us and sings to our hurting or joyful hearts.

Sometimes I catch myself reading more words about the Bible than the words of the Bible itself. And that's where I miss out on its life-giving attributes. God can use all the words of other writers to enhance my understanding of Scripture, but they don't contain nearly the same power as his words do. Paul tells us the Word is our weapon against Satan and his schemes (Ephesians 6:11,17). By leaning on the words of mortal men and women, I'm merely using a "frog sticker" (as my father-in-law calls his pocket knife) instead of a double-edged sword.

Lest I be guilty of causing you to miss His words for my own, I leave these passages from Psalm 119:89-96 to bless and empower you:

Your eternal word, O Lord, stands firm in heaven. Your faithfulness extends to every generation, as enduring as the earth you created. Your regulations remain true to this day, for everything serves your plans. If your instructions hadn’t sustained me with joy, I would have died in my misery. I will never forget your commandments, for by them you give me life. I am yours; rescue me! For I have worked hard at obeying your commandments. Though the wicked hide along the way to kill me, I will quietly keep my mind on your laws. Even perfection has its limits, but your commands have no limit.

What's For Supper?

2009-07-27T16:20:00.002-05:00

I love to cook. I just wish someone else would pick out the menu.

What do you make with 6 cans of tuna, a pound of beef and some frozen ears of corn?

Please don't offer suggestions, I don't think my stomach could take it.

Rats and Sinking Ships

2009-07-08T19:48:00.004-05:00

"Like rats leaving a sinking ship." While I certainly never want to bear the label "rat," I've never quite understood why this is intended to be negative or bad simile. Whether it's merely legend or there are scientific evidences to prove that rats really do get off a ship before it will go down into the depths of the sea, I don't really care. Apparently this phenomenon has been observed in the past, and if God gave some innate foreknowledge to these rodents to recognize when to get out of a troubled situation, I've got to say I'm impressed.

Too often, in the Church at large, I think we make plans of our own and then ask God to bless them, rather than first asking Him what he wants us to do so that we and others might be blessed and he'll be honored. I know I've been guilty of that behavior when planning events or even preparing a Bible study. I start at the wrong end.

"God, this is what we're going to do (or study about). Please make it all work out great. Thanks."

I've been under the leadership of others that I thought I saw and/or felt the same thing, too. I looked around and saw trouble, disharmony and confusion, causing me to wonder if God had even been consulted about the idea.

Instead, I believe God's saying, "You know, what you're doing is nice, but what I really wanted was _____. It would have saved you a lot of headache and I'd have been much more pleased and glorified."

So for all those human-inspired plans, for all those self-directed ideas, I hope I will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and intuitive enough to always be a "rat!"

Legacies

2009-07-06T08:21:00.009-05:00

No one else so completely sold himself to what was evil in the Lord’s sight as Ahab did under the influence of his wife Jezebel. 1 Kings 21:25

I know I've read this sentence before, probably many times, but as I read it today, it was as though I'd never seen it. What horrible legacies - for Ahab and Jezebel.

Ahab, according to this verse, was more completely "sold out" to evil than any other person in history. That means he even beats Hitler for the title of "Most Insane Madman of All Time". Wow. I generally put Adolf at the bottom of the barrel, if you know what I mean. First Kings 16:25 says Omri, Ahab's father, "did what was evil in the Lord’s sight, even more than any of the kings before him." Five verses later in 1 Kings 16:30, Ahab has out-done his dad: "But Ahab son of Omri did what was evil in the Lord’s sight, even more than any of the kings before him." However, none of the succeeding kings of the Northern Kingdom of Israel are recorded by Scripture as being worse than Ahab. In fact, although none of them led Israel back to God, a few are remembered in this way:"He did what was evil in the Lord’s sight, but not to the same extent as the kings of Israel who ruled before him" (2 Kings 17:2).

Ahab's legacy - the guy who was committed to evil more than everyone or anyone else.

And then there's Jezebel. I always think of her as the only person Ahab had in his life, and thus, because of loneliness, he was easily influenced by her (besides Elijah, whose job was to tell him how wrong he was). But I read today he had seventy sons (2 Kings 10:1). Clearly, he had some other "relationships" that could have had an impact on his character. Yet, it was her influence to which he submitted. I can't begin to imagine what an overpowering personality she must have had, how domineering and demanding she was. Yet, there's a creepy sense of twisted loyalty to him that must have maintained his attraction to her. Case in point: when Ahab wants a piece of property, she arranges for the owner to be falsely accused and murdered so her husband can take possession of the land. How touching. And I thought I wanted pearls for our wedding anniversary.

For 22 years these two reigned with terror, duplicity and wickedness. It begs the question: "Why would God allow them to be on the throne for so long?" I think the answer is two-fold. First, God sent Elijah and other prophets to redirect Ahab and the kingdom back to himself, but their efforts were declined. Second, while we might want to blame Ahab and Jezebel for all the "bad," they were merely the leaders. The nation chose to follow them. And a nation indulgent in its life of sin will at some point endure the consequences of its behavior. Just as God set the law of gravity in motion, the law of consequences must result, too. True, the same God who set out those laws can supercede them at any time, but it doesn't mean he will or should.

Much has been written about the US's moral decline since the 1950s and Rock n' Roll. The 60s and the introduction of the drug culture, the 70s and the dissolution of the family, the 80s and the advent of parachute pants (Hey, I'm a child of the 80s; they were a great time except for the hair), the 90s and the decay of tradition.... But the truth is we live in a fallen world that has been this way for a long time. Prostitution existed even before Jesus was born. Murder has an ancient history (see Cain and Abel). Abandonment and abuse of family are not new phenomenon.

So while I'd love to see our nation revive to believe and live out the motto of "One Nation Under God," the fact is our Judeo-Christian foundations are rotting away. Not because of one person or party in office, but because sinful humanity exists, corrupting and dismantling the principles of truth and holiness.

So where does that leave us?

I can't "fix" the government, the state, the county, the city, or even my street. But I can fix things at my address and within my heart. When I read about Ahab and Jezebel I can't help but wonder what would be said about me if the pages of Scripture were still being written. I hope it would say: "No one else so completely sold herself to what was right in the Lord’s sight as Julie did under the influence of the Holy Spirit" 1 Ideals 1:1.

God, make that my legacy.

Outlet

2009-07-01T09:30:00.002-05:00

I really need to do more writing. I've had a collection of thoughts floating around in my brain for half a month, and now they're a discombobulated mess. (I've been looking all week for a chance to use the word discombobulated.) When I get stuck in the hustle and bustle of life and can't find order in my chaos, I find I frequently forget to use and enjoy the outlets God has given me, even hard-wired into me - namely music and writing.

It's like a runner who has forgotten the pleasure of running because he's too concerned about the condition of the track, his shoes and the weather. I've been focusing on the externals and neglecting the outlets for dealing with those externals.

I read a statement this morning in one of those "forward to 10 friends" emails (no, I did not send it on), that actually stuck with me: "I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, "No, I will give you life, so you may enjoy all things." I don't know that there's a specific biblical reference for this concept, but I think it's realistic enough to be something God might have said. He is the "giver of every good and perfect gift," and Jesus came that we "might have life, and have it abundantly."

In the midst of "doing" life, I sometimes forget about living it. And I really think that looks a little different for everyone, but for me, anyway, it means experiencing his calling and pleasure in doing the things he's ordained and/or gifted me to do. Eric Liddell, of Chariots of Fire fame, told his sister, "when I run I feel His pleasure." When I write, or sing and play the piano, I have that same sensation, and the world comes into clearer focus, too. The problems are pigeon-holed, the uncertainties calmed, and God's size and ability are correctly seen in perspective.

So, thanks for being a part of my outlet, today. I hope you'll enjoy his pleasure sometime today, too.

Misery and Miracles

2009-06-16T08:59:00.002-05:00

"Nothing almost sees miracles but misery," C.S. Lewis wrote.

Jesus healed the blind, removed demons from those possessed, cleansed lepers and calmed storms. But in order for those miracles to occur, someone had to live in darkness, uncontrollable misery, extreme loneliness and in real and present fear of danger and death.

I recently finished reading The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom's account of life as a Jewish sympathizer and protector in the 1930s and 40s Nazi-occupied Holland. For her sympathetic actions, she and several family members were incarcerated at Nazi prisons and ultimately concentration camps.

I love Corrie's reality-laden take on those experiences. She doesn't sugar-coat them with "and God made it so much better." She gets honest about how awful things really were; how she felt hate for the enemies, despised the conditions, and was nauseated at the sights and smells. At the same time, a quiet, still faith flowed within her in the midst of those circumstances. And in that misery, because of faith in a loving, powerful God, miracles occurred.

Some of the miracles she never actually requested or articulated. A bottle of vitamin water for her sister--and shared with countless other women--which never ran empty until the day new vitamins became available through another source. Merciful police officers and lieutenants who arranged secret meetings for she and other family members. The presence of lice among prisoners which kept away German soldiers, allowing the inmates to hold prayer and worship services. Genuine, yet inexplicable fits of coughing which kept soldiers from frisking them and discovering the hidden copies of the Bible hanging around their necks. "Accidental" papers of her release signed and authenticated, when in fact, every woman in her age group was murdered in the following weeks.

Miracles, no doubt. But from depths of pain and misery few people ever know. As we suffer and grieve this side of eternity, we often ask God for his handiwork to prove powerful. We beg for miracles. But the truth is we naturally shirk from the pain and agony of life. I wonder how often I've prevented a God-sized miracle in my own life, by manipulating my circumstances away from what I perceive to be a greater pain, settling for my own version of a man-made "miracle" (the simple fact I avoided what I thought I wanted to get out of).

Salvation by grace through faith is probably considered the greatest miracle of all time. That a sinless man would offer all of himself to the point of death, for a humanity who would daily mock his pain in countless ways is unfathomable. That we'd be given the opportunity to establish relationship with him and a perfect God is equally incredible. From the depths of our sinful misery, a miracle.

Remember the Spirit

2009-05-27T09:06:00.004-05:00

For me, there's a fine line between wisdom and cynicism. Wisdom says, "If I walk under that tree, a bird might relieve itself on me." Cynicism says, "The bird will." (Kind of a Murphy's Law way-of-life.)

I've struggled between the two lately. I've often waivered dangerously close to pessimism, preferring to call myself a realist. But when the well is as dry as it's been for me spiritually over the last couple of months, I find myself less realistic and more un-optimistic.

I can't really put my finger on when or why this drought started. Definitely after Easter. Maybe that's the way the disciples felt. The glory and thrill of Christ's Resurrection was followed by the cold reality of living without his daily presence. Jesus knew how desperately they (and we) would need the Spirit. He said, "the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you" (John 14:26).

My problem is failing to remember he's even there -- which is an indictment on myself. Paul was writing to the Galatians and to me when he said: "Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by obeying the law of Moses? Of course not! You received the Spirit because you believed the message you heard about Christ. How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? Have you experienced so much for nothing? Surely it was not in vain, was it?" (3:2-4).

Unfortunately, in my life and practice, too often the Spirit is waiting for me to surrender to him, let him take my thoughts and make them practical, Christ-like actions. Instead, I'm trying to muster up "holiness" in my own efforts. How vain, how foolish.

I think it's interesting that Jesus' next statement after assuring us of the presence of the Spirit, is, "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."

I doubt Jesus' statements were coincidental in arrangement. Probably if I'd remember have the option of consulting the Spirit and let him have control of my thoughts about and reactions to life, then maybe the line between wisdom and cynicsm wouldn't be so fine for me and peace would be much less elusive. And even if the bird in the tree relieves itself on me, I'll receive it with laughter and chalk one up for the bird (and immediately go shower).

Different

2009-05-20T16:17:00.002-05:00

Aside from the obvious, boys are so different than girls. Darin teases me about the "rules" of women's relationships, but I think males have their own standards, too. Particularly in matters of etiquette.

Case in point: Out on the ball field, a boy on Little D's team belched an obscenely lengthy and disgusting burp and quickly apologized.

“Excuse me,” he said.

A teammate immediately replied, “There ain’t no girls out here; you don’t have to say that.”

Different.

Pondering a Why

2009-05-20T07:48:00.002-05:00

God has a thing about humility. More than 90 references throughout Scripture mention it. Whether it's an admonishment for us to be humble, or the plight of individuals who choose pride, it's clear he "saves" and "hears the desires" of the humble (Job 22:29; Psalm 10:17). He leads, teaches and gives them grace (Psalm 25:9; James 4:6).

None of that really surprises me; it's only logical a humble person should be more appealing. We are certainly more likely to offer aid to or desire to be around people who aren't insistent upon having their way. And it's certainly easier to teach someone who's actually willing to be taught.

But Proverbs 11:2 has me a little stumped. It reads: "When pride comes, then comes dishonor, but with the humble is wisdom" (NASB) or "Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom" (NLT).

The first part, I get. I can't count the number of times I've spoken with great assurance that something "will" be, only to have it blow up in my face, or never even materialize. In those times, I felt deeply "dishonored," or "disgraced." (I've come to realize that's part of the process of maturity. Adding "maybe" or "perhaps" to statements you're not sure about or can't control helps minimize the number of egg-on-the-face moments!) But what about the second part of the verse? "Why," I ponder, "does humility bring about wisdom?"

Humility comes from the root word humilis which means "lowly, insignificant, on the ground." As in humus: the dark organic material in soils, produced by the decomposition of vegetable or animal matter and essential to the fertility of the earth. Not a pleasant thought at first; but did you catch that last part? "Essential to the fertility of the earth." In other words, when the natural part of something (or someone) is brought or broken down, a rich environment for growth is created. Wow, that speaks volumes, not the least of which is that fertile soil is for those who follow me, not for myself.

I've always understood wisdom to be distinct from knowledge in that it's knowing when and in what manner to do something, not just the mechanics of an activity. This seems to be on par with the roots of the word wisdom which include: "wits" or "to see," or "to know" (as in a vision).

So, back to my original question: "Why does humility bring about wisdom?" Since humility is deference to another and wisdom is a broader vision, I've come up with three possible theories:

1. Humility brings a deeper knowledge and understanding of human nature, thus enabling the humble to know what to expect from people--their behaviors, reactions and emotions, whether good or bad--because the humble genuinely listen and observe with open hearts and minds, and therefore know how to respond in times of crisis.
2. Humility brings a vision toward the future that's bigger than oneself or one's cluster of friends. Humble people expect their lives to be broken and spent for the sake of the Kingdom, so they choose to say "no" to the temptations to assuage their desire for the comfortable and familiar. In doing so, they recognize they're only saying, "later" to their desires, not "never."
3. Humility recognizes one's own inabilities, frailties and incompetences, and in wisdom allows God and others to help and aid when needed. The humble realize they don't have it all together, their lives aren't perfect and being "strong" is a facade. They show their wisdom, then, by admitting their inadequacies and weaknesses and allowing others to "invade" their lives with compassionate love, further strengthening the testimony of the believers and the bond of discipleship.

What I love is the fact this Proverb is an illustration of how practical and realistic the Word of God really is. It applies to real life and real people. It's not just a book of theory and conjecture. God really does want us to know how to function effectively in the world he created. I know I need all the help I can get.

Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your judgment as the noonday. Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; the humble will inherit the land, and will delight themselves in abundant prosperity (Psalm 37:3-7, 11).

If you have any thoughts or examples of why humility brings wisdom, please comment.

What Does That Mean?

2009-05-18T11:41:00.002-05:00

I just finished mixing up some lemonade from a powder mix. As I placed the lid back on the plastic container, some surprising words caught my attention: "Contains no fruit juice."

But...it's lemonade...emphasis on lemon (i.e. fruit). Isn't it? I even checked Wikipedia. A lemon is definitely a fruit. So what's in lemonade mix if not lemon?

Regrettably, I decided to read further: "Naturally flavored with other natural flavor."

WHAT?????

That's like using a word in its own definition. Something my teachers forbade throughout my educational career. Somehow, food production companies can speak "Twisted-ese" and get away with it. The only step left was to examine the nutrition facts to try to satiate my curiosity.

The ingredients are as follows:
Sugar (surprise!)
Fructose (isn't that sugar, too?)
Citric acid (oh, there's the "lemon")
Natural flavors (yes, that's really what it says) . . . and
Artificial color (to disguise the ugliness of the natural flavors, I suppose).

There are actually a few more, but I'd misspell them if I tried; and since I was proud to simply pass chemistry my senior year, I won't pretend to comprehend their meaning.

Needless to say, I still don't know what's in my lemonade, but..."Bottoms Up!"

Gone

2009-05-07T08:00:00.004-05:00

He's gone home. The man I eulogized in song only last year at his 90th birthday will soon be eulogized at a funeral service. Death took its hold, but even still, victory is clear. My Grandpa, age 91, now stands with his Lord and Faithful Friend, his precious wife, and countless others he led to saving faith in Christ. And he no longer knows weakness, pain or weariness. He's now experiencing the greatest peace and joy known to creation, and that's incredibly comforting.

All my life, he preached and sang of God's holiness and mercy. Now, he knows it up close and personally. And I fully believe he's singing at the top of his lungs--'cause he didn't whisper when he worshiped! He wasn't quiet about the love he had for his Savior.

Nor was he quiet about the love he had for his family. He expressed it in so many ways: playing board games, sharing home-grown tomatoes, waking at the crack of dawn to make doughnuts for the whole clan, driving countless miles to visit our homes, praying with us and for us.

I have a couple memories that will stand out forever in my mind. At one family get-together, when they lived in White Oak, Grandpa and Grandma agreed to switch bedrooms with (his son) my Uncle Dale and Aunt Dot. My Grandparents would sleep in the guest room and my Aunt and Uncle would sleep in the bigger Master bedroom. Now, my family plays board games late into the night when we get together, and this evening was no exception. Long after Grandma and Aunt Dot had gone to bed, Grandpa, Uncle Dale and several others continued to play ("Risk," I think the game was.) When Grandpa lost all his countries, he decided to turn in and let the others continue. (Apparently, Uncle Dale was controlling the eastern hemisphere and closing in on world-domination.) Grandpa headed for the guest bedroom, and getting in, he rolled over to say goodnight to...Aunt Dot. Unbeknownst to my Grandpa and Uncle Dale, the ladies changed their minds and went back to the original plan - Grandparents in the Master, Aunt and Uncle in the guest room. Grandpa jumped out of bed and ran screaming down the hall trying to find Grandma: "Lula!"

One of my other favorite memories is a silent one. My senior year of college, I was honored to be elected Homecoming Queen. The school photographer took pictures of the coronation and gave several to me. I, in turn, sent one to my grandparents. I'll never forget how happy and loved I felt that Christmas when I walked in and saw the picture displayed in the dining room where they sat for every meal and every morning for their devotional/prayer time. In some way I felt a closer connection knowing they "saw" me every day.

Grandma passed away in July of 2000. I'm the only grandchild (of 18) who was blessed to have her at my wedding in May of that year. Grandpa's passing is disappointing, because he never got to meet Little D, but now he's part of that great cloud of witnesses, so I suspect he'll be checking on all of us! And that makes me smile.

Just What I Needed Today

2009-04-21T08:01:00.003-05:00

This morning, in my inbox, I found the following devotional thought from Michael Card. Maybe it will speak to you, too.

Struggling in Prayer

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.
Mark 1:35

There are different kinds of weariness. Sometimes the cure is to rest and sleep. Often we see Jesus doing just that. He knew when His body needed the refreshment of sleep. But there is another kind of weariness; a weariness of the soul that only prayer can heal. That is the kind of weariness Jesus was fighting on that particular morning.

The Bible tells that He went to a “solitary place”. But the text, literally, speaks of an eremos topos, a wilderness or desert place. Using this word gives us the sense not simply of His being alone, of finding solitude – but of being surrounded by the desolation and danger of the wilderness. Mark’s Gospel tells us that during His temptation in the wilderness Jesus was “with the wild beasts” (1:13 NKJV). The place to which Jesus retreats for prayer is menacing and unsafe. It is a picture of the real world, unveiled. Jesus leaves the warmth of His bed and the companionship of His friends and wanders into the wilderness, seeking in the midst of it the familiarity of His Father. There are two points, it seems that we can make of all this.

First, we should consider the nature of the One who rises so early to spend the morning in prayer. He is the Son of God, who bears the fullness of the image of the Father. He is the One who is always obedient, who always hears and does just what His Father tells Him to do. And yet, many times He found it necessary to spend the entire night in prayer. His relationship with the Father was everything to Jesus. And prayer seems to be the foundation of that relationship. If it was so important for Jesus to spend large blocks of time in prayer, how much more should we be spending that kind of time speaking and, more importantly, listening to the Father. Second, the fact that the wilderness was the place Jesus sought for prayer should tell those of us who seek only comfort and safety that God is best found and heard in the midst of terror and turmoil. We want to flee, to retreat to the sanctuary for prayer. And there is nothing wrong with that. But Jesus shows us there is more to prayer than comfort and security. There is also the wrestling in the wilderness with what sickens us and scares us to death. There is a struggle with God and His will for us that might indeed leave us limping like Jacob after the battle is over. But it is precisely the limp, the woundedness, that we may most need to experience and that the world most needs to see in us.

This morning God is calling us to come to Him in the desert, to meet with Him in the most arid place of our souls. He is asking us to follow and to find His Son there in the middle of the danger and turmoil that we know exists outside our door. He is inviting us to join, with Jesus, in the battle that is prayer. He invites us to take off the gloves, to lean into the fight with all we are. Only then can we stand alongside His Son as He sends us out to speak His Word and do His will.

Our Fickleness; His Faithfulness

2009-04-13T21:52:00.000-05:00

I'm afraid of whom I'd have been. I can't honestly imagine I'd have believed he was really the Christ, especially from a distance. I don't know that I'd have been shouting for his crucifixion, but I don't know that I'd have been waving the palm branches earlier in the week, either.

Which makes me kinda pathetic. "Pick a side, quit riding the fence," my mind screams. Yet, as far as any average Joe or Jane of the day knew, the death of Jesus of Nazareth wouldn't affect them personally. Sure, those who'd walked with him and called him "friend" would grieve over his loss, and those who admired his good works and teachings would experience sadness or disappointment. But what about the guy in the crowd who'd been fed by the loaves and fishes? What about the woman whose child Jesus laid his hands on, blessed and prayed over? They'd been affected by something he did, but was it enough to coerce them toward crying out for Jesus' preservation?

We are a fickle creation. Case in point:

Judas. Following Jesus for three years didn't develop a loyalty strong enough to overcome pride, vanity or greed. Yet at the moment of his betrayal, Jesus calls him, "Friend" (Matthew 26:50). Jesus - ever faithful. Was there even a twinge of guilt in Judas' heart at that moment?

Peter. Jesus warned him of three denials. Peter (and the other disciples) insisted they would not deny him. In a matter of hours the other disciples were scattered in fear and Peter, a virtual ambulance chaser, follows the horror from scene to scene, promptly refusing to acknowledge any association with Jesus. We know they all later sensed remorse over their abandonment. Yet, when Jesus is questioned by the high priest about his disciples, Jesus doesn't call names, or drag them into the mix with him (like I probably would have).

I think the assemblers of the Bible did an admirable job, but I don't like the break they placed between the last verse of John 13 and the first verse of John 14. Jesus is still speaking, and the connection between the chapters is too amazing to miss: While his last words to Peter in chapter 13 are "you will deny me three times," his first words in chapter 14 are "do not let your heart be troubled." How phenomenal. Paraphrased, Jesus is saying, "I know you're going to pretend you don't even know me, but don't let this bother you (because it doesn't bother me)." Forever faithful, Jesus doesn't even condemn human fickleness. Instead, he welcomes us, even prepares a place for us.

And that's what Easter did. Prepared the way for our resurrection, our hope, our life with Him for eternity. In spite of our wishy-washy devotion. In spite of our foolish pride and fear. He still calls us "Friend," and trusts us with the greatest responsibility of all history: to let others know how faithful he will be to them.

Thursday Night

2009-04-09T10:14:00.001-05:00

Thursday night. The Garden of Gethsemane. You've probably heard the story. Jesus grieves over the pain of the cross, gripes at his disciples for not praying for him and gets arrested. Pretty familiar stuff. But, as I've read again the accounts of Jesus in that Garden, I'm moved, touched, affected by the agony of his struggle.

According to Matthew and Mark, three times he prayed to get out of the suffering he'd endure. He wasn't walking toward the cross naive about the excruciating pain and destitute loneliness he'd experience; he'd spent large portions of time with people with all sorts of maladies, injuries, rejections and sorrows. In one fell swoop he'd absorb not only the physical brunt of human hatred, but the spiritual blow of God's (His Daddy's) wrath. That's a desperate situation in which to voluntarily place yourself. No wonder he sought a way to get out of it. He was fully human, after all.

And yet, three times, he prayed to want the will of the Father. I wonder if it took three times for him to pray to want God’s will, because he needed convincing that was truly what he wanted. Mentally, he knew he wanted the Father’s will. Perhaps emotionally, he wrestled within. He said, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41); maybe he was talking about himself, too, not just the disciples' sleepiness. I've known that struggle. Trying to get my heart in line with my head. Jesus knew the right thing to do was endure the cross. Over and over he did things so "the scriptures might be fulfilled" (John 13:8; 17:12; Luke 4:21, etc.) He knew he had a job to do, a purpose to accomplish. He knew James would later write, "to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin" (4:17). He was sinless. He always chose rightly. He couldn't not do this and still be sinless. But the "want to" of his heart wasn't following the "got to" of his head. So he had to pray to want God's will. I'm glad, because sometimes, my heart truly wants what I want more than what God wants. It's ok to follow Jesus' example of asking God to change my "want to."

What's amazing to me is Luke tells us an angel appeared to "strengthen" him (22:43). It doesn't say the angel "comforted" or "ministered to" him, but "strengthened" him. In other words, the plan isn't changing; get ready. There are times, when doing God's will, that feeling good (secure, alleviated, encouraged) isn't even an option. Instead, with the appearance of the angel "he prayed more fervently," and even still "he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood" (22:44).

This isn't getting any better.

In the meantime, the disciples are conked out. According to John 18:1-2, Jesus often went to Gethsemane with them. That's probably why it wasn't urgent to them to stay awake. They'd likely fallen asleep here before, waiting for Jesus to finish praying. They didn't know this time was different than the others.

He needed their prayers for strength and obedient courage. I wonder if they'd stayed awake praying, if the angel's appearance would have even been necessary? It's incredible. In his moment of greatest angst, fear and dread of the future (he knew exactly what was coming; he knew precisely what trauma he would face), their selfish hearts and bodies succumbed to personal desires, and they slept peacefully. For about an hour, anyway. Then, God allowed Hell to break loose.

Wednesday

2009-04-08T08:45:00.008-05:00

The Wednesday before Easter has an unusual moniker in some Christian expressions of faith. The most traditional is "Holy Wednesday," which acknowledges the holiness of the fulfillment of Scriptures in the life of Christ (see Zechariah 11:12-13). But my favorite label for the day is "Spy Wednesday," indicative of the work of Judas on that day as he conspired with the Sanhedrin to betray Jesus for thirty silver coins.

It seems pretty clear from Matthew 26, Mark 14 and John 12 that what sent Judas over the edge was the anointing of Jesus' feet with costly perfume. Clearly he was standing pretty close to that edge already. Perfume? Feet? Get over it. I love how John tells it like it really is. While all three Gospel writers admit the disciples were miffed the perfume hadn't been sold to help the poor, John tells the REAL truth, Judas "said this, not because he was concerned about the poor, but because he was a thief, and...he used to pilfer what was put into [the money box]" (vs. 7). What's amazing to me is it appears everybody already knew that about his character. There certainly wasn't time for him to have confessed his thievery at any point following the upcoming events. And even knowing the truth about Judas' behaviors, Jesus had still let him be in charge of the group's financial assets! Judas is a biblical Bernie Madoff! (Which shows Jesus isn't afraid of or threatened by any economy or financial investor, so we shouldn't be either. But that's a side note.)

I can just hear Judas' rationale for his theft, "I'm one of the poor. I don't have a steady job or income since I'm following Jesus around all the time. And don't I deserve this for all the times I've preached, healed and removed demons (Luke 9:1-6), distributed and picked up baskets of food (Matthew 14), endured his sermons on humility (Mark 9:35), helped arranged meals (Matthew 26:17-19), stayed with him when he didn't make sense (John 6:66-71), stood by him against the Pharisees (Mark 8:10-11)? Wow, I'm a pretty good guy for doing all this!"

Judas' selfish greed extended much deeper within his soul than just the desire for money. Greed is merely an expression, a symptom, if you will, of a greater and more cancerous illness: pride. And I think that's what sent him over the edge with Jesus. When he saw the love and forgiveness exuding from Jesus to the woman annointing him, Judas' pride couldn't take it. "How dare he show such mercy? How dare he offer such extravagant grace? I can't even stand to be in the presence of such a sinful woman--whose sin is so much greater than my own." If only he'd admitted his own sin at that moment and fallen at Jesus' feet with her, how different the story might have been for him.

Instead, his self-righteous pride grew deeper roots and suffocated any seeds of humility or repentance planted in his soul, so that when the opportunity presented itself, he found the Sanhedrin and offered them his support toward killing Jesus in exchange for money. And he began looking for the chance to betray Jesus. Spy Wednesday, indeed.

I Smiled at An Umbrella

2009-03-26T20:57:00.003-05:00

I smiled at an umbrella today. I didn't really mean to.

My heart's desire is to be a friendly person, waving and smiling at my neighbors as I pass by. So when I took my morning constitutional today and saw something resting on my neighbor's carport bench, I smiled a congenial smile and continued on my way. At this point I should probably point out how incredibly near-sighted I am, and how I generally go walking without wearing my contacts or glasses. In truth, I can't see past the end of my elbow.

As I squinted into the distance, it crossed my mind that the mass didn't really look like a person - that's why I chose to merely smile and not wave, too. Nevertheless, I made my way home smugly confident in my friendly behavior.

I felt that way right up to the time I left the house to go to work. Passing by that same carport, this time with contacts installed, I realized the object was not a person, not even an animal; it was an umbrella, leaning against a bench and waving in the wind. I'd proudly smiled at a stinkin' umbrella. I'd chosen to believe my assumptions in my blind, unseeing state, rather than going a little closer (OK, a LOT closer) to investigate the truth. Furthermore, with vanity, I'd celebrated my behavior as worthwhile, even praise-worthy!

How many times a week - a day - do I blindly observe the world around me, smiling at umbrellas and feeling proud of myself for it? How much of what I believe to be truth is my assumed perception? How frequently am I willing to take extra steps to get a little closer, delve a little deeper for the realities of the situations and people whom I encounter? Even more importantly, how dedicated am I to "know[ing] Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death" (Philippians 3:10)?

Maybe if I'd quit smiling at umbrellas, I'd have time for a little more exploration and learning.

"Judo We I Lo" Loves "A Wind Door"

2009-03-24T08:15:00.001-05:00

My friend Alison recently posted a site on her blog I've thoroughly enjoyed and wanted to share. If you like letters and words, you'll get a kick out of typing in the names of family and friends just to see what comes up.

Here's the deal: Anagrams, rearranging the letters of a word to make another word, may sometimes reveal more about the nature or character of the word than you'd imagine. So, to save you the trouble of pulling out pencil and paper, here's a website that will do it for you. Go ahead, type in your name and see what comes up! Alison was looking to see if any of her results reflected her personality. Since I know nothing about Judo and even less about physics, that didn't work out for me.

My five piddly results were:
Id Joule Ow
Judo Lie Ow
Judo Lei Ow
Judo We Oil
Judo We I Lo

Darin's were much more fun; he had 290. My favorites were:
Android Ow
Radio Down
A Wind Door
A Wind Odor
Dad Wino Or
Dado I Worn

As to whether or not these fit his character, I'll let somebody else decide.

The Goodness and the Greatness

2009-03-23T11:35:00.001-05:00

Steven Curtis Chapman's 1994 song Still Listening has been rolling through my head off and on for months. In it, he explores prayers such as "God is great; God is good...," and "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep," expressing a desire for a simple childlike faith. "God is great and God is good, and He is love," he sings.

I've always been convinced of the greatness of God. Just look at the intricacies and grandeur of creation. That's power, bigness, wonder, amazing stuff. In a quick review of scripture, I counted no less than 40 references to God's greatness in the Bible. I'm pretty settled on this issue.

And while I'm cognitive of the goodness of God through personal blessings and answered prayers, there's a part of me that struggles to be assured of that goodness because of the "unanswered"/"no" prayers I've seen. Oddly enough, I found only six verses that directly spoke to God's goodness. Is that because he's more great than he is good? Maybe, but I doubt it.

Here's what I found:
"...may your saints rejoice in your goodness" (2 Chronicles 6:41).
"Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart" (Psalm 73:1).
"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground" (Psalm 143:10).
"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone" (Mark 10:18 and Luke 18:19).
"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness" (2 Peter 1:3).

So what do I do with these few small verses? Do I build a whole theology of the goodness of God around so little? Do I base my belief in his goodness around my experiences alone? Even now, I'm begging God to help me be firmly and finally convinced of the goodness of his character. I know mine isn't perfectly good. I'm human. I have reasons and motivations for my thoughts and behaviors. (Not that he doesn't have purposes behind what he does. He's not a willy-nilly, chaotic God.) It's just that to comprehend perfect goodness without any shade of manipulation or impurity is more than I can even imagine. Jesus said it himself, "No one is good - except God alone."

As much as I want to start by defining "good," Dictionary.com has 41 definitions, and that's just for the adjective usage! Furthermore, can I realistically impose human understandings of goodness upon a holy God? I don't think to do so is even reasonable; they're so flawed. Just think about interviews on the news after a murderer is caught. Every neighbor always says, "We're so surprised. He/She was such a good person." By what standard?!? Notice, too, the goodness becomes past tense. In each of the verses above, however, God's goodness is ever present-tense.

Nevertheless, human experiences, understandings and definitions are all I have to go on. I have seen his goodness through blessings and answered prayers. I have to mark them down (because I have a bad memory about such things) and combine them with those six scriptures of truth above. Then, I have to look for evidences of the goodness of God (as they relate to human definitions) in the pages of the Bible.

Since Jesus came to show us God in the flesh, I guess for me, Mark 4:35-41 holds one of the best pictures of the goodness and greatness of God combined. Asleep in the back of a boat, the Disciples wake Jesus, asking him if he cares that they're going to drown. Now, first of all, isn't that a stupid question? Does Jesus care? At this point they've seen him heal all manner of sickness, help the demon-possessed and hang out with tax-collectors. I think he's safely established a compassionate nature! Secondly, what do they expect him to do after they wake him? Apparently not calm the wind and sea, because when he does, they are terrified and ask, "Who is this man...even the wind and waves obey him!" (I'm thinking, if you didn't believe Jesus could fix the problem, why didn't you let the poor guy sleep?! But that's just me.)

Yet here's where we see God's goodness and greatness in tandem. While a great God can control and overpower a storm, only a good God would do so (Dictionary.com definition #12: reliable, dependable, responsible). While a great God can cast out illness and demons, only a good God would (def. #6: kind, beneficent, or friendly). While a great God can meet our needs of shelter, food, and clothing, only a good God would (def. #2: satisfactory in quality, quantity, or degree). While a great God impresses us with power, only a good God deserves our worship (def. #7: honorable or worthy). While a great God amazes us with holiness, only a good God would desire and make a way for intimate personal relationship with imperfect creations (def. #1: morally excellent; virtuous; righteous; pious).

God knew I (and maybe you, too) would struggle to believe in his goodness; that I'd doubt the truth of his good character when things didn't go the way I'd hoped or expected. I guess that's why over and over in his Word he assures us of his love (I counted 97 times). Clearly, I'm never going to understand his perception of goodness, so I'll have take it on faith. Just like I did salvation itself.

I will never understand
How the words of mortal man
Can reach the ears of One so pure
And touch His heart, but they do I'm sure
For God is great, and God is good
And He is love

Lord, Your "divine power has given [me] everything [I] need for life and godliness through [my] knowledge of [Christ] who called [me] by his own glory and goodness" (2 Peter 1:3). Help me to believe this every moment of every day.

The Lord is [My?] Peace

2009-03-13T07:46:00.011-05:00

Something I read in Judges 6 made me go "hmmm" this morning. An angel of God comes to Gideon (who's hiding while he tries to work) with instructions to lead the Israelites in battle against the Midianites, promising help in the task and complete victory. Wanting to be sure this isn't just a dream or fit of insanity, Gideon asks the angel to stay put while he runs to the house to prepare an offering.

He returns ASAP with a cooked young goat, baked bread and a pot of broth. Presenting them to the angel, he is instructed to place the meat and bread on a rock and pour the broth over them. So Gideon does as he is told. "The the angel of the Lord touched the meat and bread with the tip of the staff in his hand, and fire flamed up from the rock and consumed all he had brought. And the angel of the Lord disappeared" (vs. 21).

Now, at this point, Gideon had the same reaction I would have: he freaked. "Lord, I'm doomed!" he says. Suddenly, God speaks to him (remember, the angel's gone, so where's this voice coming from?) saying, "It's all right. Don't be afraid. You won't die." But, here's where my path and Gideon's diverge. At this point, the place where all this has occurred could be name, "the Lord watched Julie run away really fast." But, Gideon, so struck with calm and assurance, builds an altar there and names it "the Lord is peace."

PEACE??? PEACE??? Let's recap: He's hiding from enemies, met an angel, worked hard on a offering, watched fire come out of a rock and consume his hard work, seen the angel disappear, and heard a voice from out of nowhere talk to him. And he can name the place PEACE???

I can't begin to imagine how soothing the voice of God must have sounded. Whether or not it was audible, we don't know, but it was a million times more consoling than a parent calming an anxious child. God's words must have enveloped him like an embrace around his soul. God's voice encircled him, strangling the fear within and shrouding him with security. Serenity. Tranquility.

And that same voice speaks to me every day. Though inaudible, it speaks. In every struggle, in every miracle, in every moment I am willing to listen. In the midst of consuming fire or after it has passed, I want to confidently say with Gideon, "the Lord is [my] peace." No question marks.

This is the message of Good News--that there is peace with God through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all (Acts 10:36).

Journey Toward Easter

2009-03-11T08:40:00.009-05:00

I'm really excited about Easter this year. I don't know why this year more than others, but something deep within my spirit yearns for the Resurrection in a way I've never sensed before. It's still more than a month away, and although I'm observing Lent, it's not self-denial that's crying out; I honestly don't know what it is. So, I've decided to take a spiritual journey through several aspects of Christianity and Biblical study to see if I can grasp hold of whatever is within me, toward a greater understanding and passion for Christ.

My love for History is a natural beginning point for me. I've always been drawn to etymological studies and histories of symbols, so I thought I'd investigate some Christian symbols. These aren't comprehensive studies, but enough to satiate my curiosity.

The Fish: One of the most important symbols to early Christians, the fish, with its unblinking eyes reminded Believers of God's ever-watchful guard over them. Jesus told Peter he (and thereby, we) would be "fishers of men." Additionally, it serves as a reminder of Jesus' miracle of the loaves and fishes. He is ever-faithful to provide for those who trust in him.

Ichthus/Icthus: No, this is not my tattoo! But it's not a bad one to have. Closely related to the fish symbol above, you often see them combined. That's because these are the Greek letters which spell the word "fish," pronounced Ichthus. Early Christians used the letters of "Ichthus" to form an acrostic of their confession of faith. І-Jesus, Χ-Christ, Θ-God, Υ-Son, Σ-Savior.

Chi Rho: This is one of my favorites because its history is so rich with excitement! Chi and Rho are the first two letters (ΧΡ) of "Christ" in Greek ΧΡΙΣΤΟΣ (Christos). The story goes that in 312 AD, Constantine was about to lead his army into battle with his enemy Maxentius near Rome, with the winner becoming emperor of the whole empire. Originally a pagan, Constantine was worried about the coming battle, so he prayed to the "Supreme God" for help. That night in a dream he said he saw Jesus telling him to "conquer by this," using the chi-rho sign "as a safeguard in all battles." Constantine ordered it to be put on his soldier's shields -- and won the battle.

The Anchor: Because of the dangers of being a Christian, early Believers would disguise the symbols of their faith, even on graves. (If you were seen visiting a Christian's tomb, you may presumably be a Christian as well.) The anchor was already seen by the culture of that day as a symbol of hope, stability and security, so when Christians used it, they deepened its message by affirming hope is found in Christ alone. Notice the vertical and horizontal lines create a cross! Now, we too "have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure (Hebrews 6:17)."

Although I looked in other places too, my primary source for this info was from this website. It's the ministry of an evangelical Christian with degrees from Fuller, so I think he's probably trustworthy. Feel free to do your own exploration; I barely scratched the surface!

Being a Hearer of the Word

2009-03-09T17:49:00.004-05:00

If you're like me, you haven't been keeping up with the rest of our church reading the New Testament through until Easter (Ok, I hadn't read any at all), but I found a great way to connect with God's Word and still meet the goal: audio Bible. My friend Heather sent me this link http://www.biblebible.com/freebible/, and I made it halfway through Matthew today while baking a cake and finishing some other projects! What I like about this one is not having to download anything onto my hard drive. Just click and listen! It is in King James, so even though I've trudged through the "begats," "privilys," "verilys" and "beholdests," I've tried to listen for the poetry of the Word. I mean, it's the life of Christ, his teachings and actions, but it's also the Living and Active, Double-Edged Sword that pierces the heart. So I'm trying to let it do that job, regardless of the language used. Some people put more effort in understanding the confusing verbage of Shakespeare than in comprehending the Word of Holy God. I don't want to be one of those people (but I'm really glad I have a Bible I can understand on a regular basis!)

Most importantly, I've got remember to not merely be a "hearer" of the Word, but a "doer" too!

He'll Make More

2009-02-16T10:14:00.005-06:00

1 Corinthians 8:8 says: "It’s true that we can’t win God’s approval by what we eat. We don’t lose anything if we don’t eat it, and we don’t gain anything if we do."

If Paul had been a woman, he would never have written this verse, or at least he'd have chosen different wording. I know the context deals with eating food sacrificed to idols, but if he were like many women I know, he'd have understood that just looking at food causes some of us to "gain." Yet, by not eating it, we might "lose" something! Sorry, Paul, I beg to disagree with you on this issue. ;-)

Nevertheless, Darin's final sermon of the FEARLESS series struck an all-too familiar chord with me yesterday. He pointed out how many of us scavenge and horde things in our lives for fear there will not be enough for later. Thus, we make poor decisions based on these fears, once again telling God we doubt his provision and sufficiency for our lives. We sometimes hide or deny this doubt with spiritual concepts and biblical principles such as "stewardship" or "wise living," but in reality, our hearts are not acting in obedience, they're reacting because of greed or a lack of faith.

I think I've done that often in my life, primarily with food. For fear I won't get to enjoy all I want -not need- I'll overeat. As though there will never be another chocolate cake made or enchilada baked. (Now I'm getting real personal talking about Mexican food!) In all honesty, part of this stems from a deep ethic against wastefulness. I despise throwing away good food, knowing the desperation with which some people live for a daily scrap of bread, and the influence and stories of my Depression-Era grandparents has truthfully informed me there may not always be enough.

And yet, I'm the first to purge our home of clutter and excess junk, a.k.a. Moderation. So, why do I struggle to apply the principle of moderation to my eating? In truth, I'm more willing to gorge our landfills with plastics and papers than bio-degradable foods! But (and this is a tough one for Baptists), gluttony is just as significant a sin in the eyes of Holy God as any other. In fact, when He provided quail for the Children of Israel in the wilderness, those who gorged themselves were struck with a severe plague and died. So much that the place became known as Kibroth-hattaavah, which means “graves of gluttony." (Check out the crazy story in Num 11:31-35!)

My God will supply all my needs according to his (unlimited) riches, and sometimes he'll even even throw in a chocolate cake. I just need to remember not to eat it all in one sitting, because, like the old Doritos ad campaign: "He'll make more!"

Precious Stones, the Conclusion

2009-02-14T08:55:00.002-06:00

Finally, Amethyst. The story of the origin of amethyst comes from Greek legends: The god of wine, Bacchus, was insulted one day by a mere mortal. He swore the next mortal who crossed his path would be attacked by fierce tigers. A beautiful maiden named Amethyst drew near, so the Goddess Diana turned her into a beautiful statue of quartz to save her from the tiger’s claws. Remorseful Bacchus wept tears of wine over the stone maiden, creating a lively purple stone. As a result, amethyst stones were believed to protect the wearer from drunkenness, or drinking wine from an amethyst goblet would prevent one from becoming inebriated!

Amethyst was believed to magnify psychic abilities and right-brain activity. Medically, it was thought to strengthen immunity, energize and purify the blood, relieve headaches, and improve blood sugar imbalance. In the Middle Ages, amethyst was thought to encourage celibacy, so the churches used them in ornamentation. In fact, Catholic bishops still often wear amethyst rings. Oddly enough, Amethyst was also associated with a number of superstitions, being regarded as a love charm, and as a protection against thieves. Additionally, it was placed under the pillow at night to produce a calm and peaceful sleep. It symbolizes Nobility and Sobriety.

What intrigues me most about these gems is God uses them as foundation stones! Precious as they are to us, we’d never use them to build a house upon, yet his supply is so great, he can stick them under and on top of the ground and inlay the walls with them, surrounding himself with the finest of his own valuable creation! And this foundation will last for all eternity. Furthermore, consider the virtues upon which his city is built: Justice, Truth, Protection and Security, Faith and Peace, Self Control and Holiness, Love, Thankfulness and Praise, Wisdom and Humility, Light, Repentance and Forgiveness, Honor, Nobility and Sobriety. Now, that’s the kind of city I want to live in!

Bear in mind, the city of New Jerusalem itself is brilliant gold with a street of pure gold, too. All this to say, God is worthy of our best and most valuable. He endorses extravagant worship of Himself in ways that honor and glorify him. He isn’t waiting for us to sell our homes, to buy and then donate gems to the expansion of his kingdom, but he wants to remind us that nothing is too good to be used for him and his work. We cannot withhold our best for ourselves, or even others. He alone is worthy of the most valuable possessions we have: our lives, our time, and all that matters to us. Our experiences as followers of Christ cannot be valued or measured. They are like the precious stones in the jewelry boxes of our lives. God wants to use those treasured nuggets of our lives to build foundations for the future of his kingdom through our family and discipling the younger generation. Are we withholding any treasures from him? Something he wants to build a foundation upon for his own honor and glory that will last for all eternity? When we say, “I’m not telling about the difficulties in my marriage,” or “I can’t share about my prodigal child,” or “I don’t want anyone to know my family member who decided she’s gay,” we are withholding a precious stones from God; He wants and deserves them all. Around Valentine’s Day, we give gifts to those we love. What precious stones in our lives will we give our First Love today?

Precious Stones pt. 3

2009-02-14T08:47:00.002-06:00

The seventh stone John mentioned in the foundation of the New Jerusalem (Rev. 21:18-21) is Chrysolite. People in the Middle Ages wore Chrysolite, also known as Peridot, to gain foresight and divine inspiration. Pirates favored it to protect them against evil. This beautiful stone was worn or carried for general healing purposes: to increase strength & physical vitality, protect against nervousness and aid in healing hurt feelings. It was thought to protect lungs, sinuses, and wrists from illness and injury and help liver & adrenal function. The green hue suggested a connection to attracting wealth. By wearing it to bed, it was thought to promote sleep and help dreams become a reality by attracting love, calming raging anger, and dispelling negative emotions. It symbolizes Thankfulness and Praise.

The eighth, Beryl, is one of the more ambiguous jewels mentioned in Scripture. In its pure form, it is colorless, but many different impurities give beryl various color possibilities. Emeralds are the green variety and aquamarines are the blue variety of beryl. There are other colors as well: greenish-yellow, pink, red and golden. Like the emerald, beryl was believed to develop virtues in a wearer, those of a good nature and noble mind. It was also thought to being victory in battle. It symbolizes Wisdom and Humility.

Topaz, the ninth foundation stone, comes in a variety of colors and is surprisingly one of the gems whose history in Scripture is most unknown. In ancient times, a figure of a falcon carved on a Topaz was thought to help earn the goodwill of kings, princes and magnates. The Greeks thought it brought strength, and during medieval days it was thought to heal physical and mental disorders as well as prevent death. Medically, it was thought to stimulate the endocrine system, assist in general tissue regeneration, treat hemorrhages, increase poor appetite, and help fight blood disorders. Emotionally, topaz was believed to balance emotions, calm passions, release tension and give feelings of joy and rejuvenation. It symbolizes Light.

Of all the stones, Chrysoprasus is probably the most disputed. We’re uncertain if it is a golden clear stone, green hazy stone, or our everyday turquoise! Little is known about the first two options, but if the chrysoprasus is the same as turquoise, it was believed to defend or protect wearers from disease and illness by changing color with the wearer's health and protect him or her from injurious forces. It symbolizes Repentance and Forgiveness.

Jacinth is a zircon, of which there are many color variations. The orange variety of zircon is the jacinth. It was believed to relieve pain and whet one's appetite. By preventing nightmares, it ensured a deep tranquil sleep and supposedly helped on be at peace with oneself by improving self-esteem. Zircons like Jacinth were believed to provide wearers with wisdom, honor and riches, and if its luster were to be lost, it was a warning of impending danger. It symbolizes Honor.

Last installment to follow.

Precious Stones Pt. 2

2009-02-13T08:26:00.001-06:00

The third stone John mentioned in the foundation of the New Jerusalem to come is Chalcedony. The Romans prized chalcedony as seals, and the Victorians carved them into cameos. Chalcedony was used in Renaissance magic for health and safety. This beautiful stone was believed to banish fear, hysteria, depression, mental illness and sadness. Wearing chalcedony was believed to be excellent for eyes and thought to reduce fever. While some thought it stimulated creativity, others wore it to promote calm and peace. It's symbolic meaning is Protection and Security.

Emerald’s refreshing soft green color was thought to help heal eyes and prevent convulsions in children. Emeralds were also used as antidotes for poisons and when held in the mouth, were believed to be a cure for dysentery. They were believed to aid with ailments of the spine, mental illness, memory loss, intelligence, and neurological disorders. Somehow, it was supposed to assist women at childbirth, too. Many virtues were ascribed to emeralds. It was thought to drive away evil spirits, give faith, success in love, and preserve the chastity of the wearer. Supposedly, to aid a wearer in wisdom, it changed color in the presence of false friends or false witnesses, thus promoting peace of mind, true friendship, and felicity in domestic life. It symbolizes Faith and Peace.

The fifth stone, Sardonyx, is a layered stone of red and white, prized by Romans for use in making cameos of heroes such as Hercules or Mars and worn by soldiers. They believed the stone would make the wearer brave and daring. During the Renaissance, sardonyx was believed to bring eloquence upon the wearer and was regarded with great value by public speakers and orators. Medically, it was used as a heart, kidney, nerve, capillary, hair, eye and nail strengthener. It was believed to help one sleep and eliminate apathy, negative thinking, stress and neurological disorders. Some believed it helped one change habits, sharpened the wits of the wearer and brought spiritual inspiration while helping to emotions and passions under control. It is symbolic of Self-control and Holiness.

Sardius, or Carnelian, is the sixth stone John mentions. Because hot wax does not stick to this stone, it was used widely during Roman times to make signet or seal rings for imprinting a seal with wax on correspondence or other important documents. It was believed to protect wearers from weapons and evil spirits, since true love could not be present in conflict or evil. I'm not sure why, but it symbolizes love.

Come back again later for the next stones!

Precious Stones

2009-02-12T09:06:00.011-06:00

Last Monday, I had the privilege of leading a devotional for the Lydia Class, a ladies' Bible study group in our church. Not only was the time together a fun experience, but I thoroughly enjoyed the preparation for the devotional prior to that. Knowing the theme of the meeting was related to Valentine's Day, I felt led to share on jewels, or precious stones - specifically some of those mentioned in the Bible.

Exodus 28 God outlines for Moses the design of the high priest's breastplate which he is to wear within the Tabernacle only and while administering the functions of his office. It must have been a fabulous sight. I've included a couple pictures of some from history. Each of the twelve jewels stood for a different tribe of Israel. Its design was to show the glory and beauty of the Lord and be a continued memorial before God regarding His Covenant with the tribes of Israel. What that spoke to me is nothing is too valuable to be used in the service and ministry of God, and for him to want jewels to represent his people inherently states his perspective on the value of his people.

The next passage we reviewed focused on Revelation, specifically, the description of the 12 precious foundation stones of the New Jerusalem as John saw in his vision and recorded in 21:18-21. I’ll fully confess what I learned is neither an exhaustive study on gems, nor settled truths of fact regarding those gems. There’s a lot of debate about gemstones’ name changes over the millennium, and every Bible translation seems to include a list a little different than the next. But you might enjoy some of the tidbits I found about the history of the stones and their symbolic meanings. I'll share them in installments over the next few days.

The first is Jasper. In ancient times, Jasper was believed to heal illnesses, strengthen the stomach, aid in sleep, cure gynecological problems, bring joy into life, drive away evil spirits and draw poison from snake and spider bites. (Quite the cure-all, wouldn't you say?) It's symbolic meaning is Justice.

The second is Sapphire. Sometimes called a love charm because it symbolizes truth, sincerity and faithfulness, Sapphires have a grand history. Tradition states the tablets containing the Ten Commandments were composed of sapphire so strong, that if a hammer swung against them, it would be smashed to pieces. Many other cultures believed sapphires imparted healing and calming properties. Sapphires have been worn by such royalty as Princess Diana and Princess Anne, who both received sapphire engagement rings. Additionally, the British Crown Jewels are full of large blue sapphires as symbols of purity, virtue and wisdom.

Be looking for the next installment!

Question of the Day

2009-02-08T19:33:00.001-06:00

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone is going to clean them?

My Need for Other Believers

2009-02-05T08:38:00.004-06:00

In his book, Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis tells of meeting a man who claimed to be "religious." The man said, "I know there's a God. I've felt Him out alone in the desert at night: the tremendous mystery." He went on to explain he didn't believe in Lewis' "little dogmas and formulas about [God, because] to anyone who's met the real thing they all seem so petty...and unreal."

Lewis agreed with the man, believing he'd truly encountered the Living God, saying, "when he turned from the experience to the Christian creeds [or doctrines], I think he really was turning from something real to something less real." Just as someone looking at the Atlantic Ocean who turns to a map of the Atlantic is looking from something real to something less real. But Lewis found the man's logic to be flawed in this: while a map is only colored paper, it is based on what thousands of people have found by sailing the actual ocean (and now seen from space and satellite images). "In that way it has behind it masses of experience just as real as the one you could have from the beach; only, while ours [is] a single glimpse, the map fits all those different experiences together." Furthermore, "if you want to go anywhere, the map is absolutely necessary. As long as you are content with walks on the beach, your own glimpses are far more fun than looking at a map. But a map is going to be more use than walks on the beach if you want to get to America."

"Doctrines are not God," Lewis adds, "they are only a kind of map...based on the experiences of people who really were in touch with God." But that's why religions based on feelings are so attractive. They are "all thrills and no work: like watching the waves from the beach." But studying the waves will not get you to your destination, "and you will not get eternal life by simply feeling the presence of God." Feeling your way along isn't usually very safe, either.

That's why I want to know more of Christian history and need a regular gathering of believers in study and worship. I can draw on their knowledge and experience and evaluate it in light of my own. Knowing how others with orthodox faith rooted in the New Testament church have seen God act throughout the centuries and today validates my experiences or calls into question my faulty assumptions. Then, I'm living on faith, and not feeling, because God's character has been tested and proven dependable, incorruptible and true, and I'm not swayed with doubts "like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind" (James 1:6).

VIPs

2009-02-04T09:10:00.003-06:00

February 4, 1906: Lutheran pastor and theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer is born in Breslau, Germany. Author of The Cost of Discipleship (1937) and Letters from Prison (1944), he opposed the Nazis as one of Germany's Confessing Church leaders. Believing that Hitler was like a madman "driving a car into a group of innocent bystanders," he joined a plot to kill him, but the plot was discovered and Bonhoeffer was arrested and eventually hanged—just days before Allied troops liberated the concentration camp where he was held.

February 4, 1977: Christian homemaker Jennifer (Brown) Mellard is born in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Wife of Jonathan and mother of preschoolers Russ and Laura, she will serve as VBS director at her church this summer. Believing her sister Julie is a nut, she loves her anyway and even claims her in public on occasion.

Two very important people executing very different work for the same Kingdom of God. Happy birthday sis! I love you!

The Lord's Prayer, Old School

2009-01-29T09:28:00.010-06:00

Something reminded me this week of a story told by some friends who own a book store. A Caucasian American lady asked them to help her locate a Spanish version of the King James Bible so she might give it to a Hispanic person she knew. It may take you a minute to think through that. The King James is an (old) English version. It can't be translated into Spanish and still get the "Thees" and "Thous" the woman wanted. That's like buying an English dictionary so you can translate it into Spanish. Why not just buy a Spanish dictionary to begin with?!

Anyway, that got me to thinking about Bible versions, and I came across the following version of the Lord's Prayer as translated and written by William Tyndale in the 1520s:

"O oure father which arte in heve halowed be thy name. Let thy kyngdome come. Thy wyll be fulfilled as well in erth as it ys in heven. Geve vs this daye oure dayly breede. And forgeve vs oure treaspases eve as we forgeve oure trespacers. And leade vs not into teptacion: but delyver vs fro evell. For thyne is ye kyngedome and ye power and ye glorye for ever. Amen." (Matthew 6:9-13)

The picture to the right is from Tyndale's version, although not the Lord's Prayer passage; it's Matthew 26 and 27. Remember, this pre-dates the King James Version by nearly 100 years. And Tyndale wasn't the first. John Wycliffe translated the Gospels into English in the 1380s! (I promise, this really is an English version!)

So for all those who swear the 1611 KJV is the first and only "God-approved" version, that it's never been revised or changed, to the left is a page from Hebrews. Note Hebrews is ascribed to Pauline authorship. In current editions of the KJV, no such claim is made. Let me know how your devotional goes trying to read this.

As for me, I'm thankful God sees fit to make his word made available in every era, every tongue and dialect, and I'm praying for those who are seeking to make that a reality in our world today!

Thoughts Brought About By Fire

2009-01-28T10:43:00.004-06:00

As I sit huddled in front of our fireplace in these sub-freezing temperatures, I marvel at the heat emitted by the coals. It didn't take much effort to re-start the fire again this morning, since the embers still glowed from last night's blaze.

Staring at their radiance, I'm reminded of Isaiah's encounter with God:

"I am doomed," he said, "for I am a sinful man. I have filthy lips, and I live among a people with filthy lips. Yet I have seen the King, the Lord.” Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal he had taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. He touched my lips with it and said, “See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven” (Is. 6:5-7).

Consider for a moment: the coal was so hot a celestial being (a seraphim) had to hold it with tongs. Yet that same burning coal touched Isaiah's soft, thin lips. I burn my mouth on a piece of hot toast and tears well up in my eyes!

True, this was a vision, probably not an actual event. Nevertheless, I've had dreams that were so real, I awakened believing those events actually occurred. I bet it was similar for Isaiah. I suspect there was a sting to his lips when the vision was over. A reminder of the pain, the cost of reconciliation and atonement. The burning sensation's effect was so much greater than simply washing his mouth out with soap.

Human lips have about 5 layers of skin as opposed to the 16 or so layers covering the rest of the face. That's why they're typically darker; the blood is so much closer to the surface. I think it's poignant God cleanses Isaiah's (acknowledged) unclean lips. Sin that's close to the surface of our hearts and minds is more easily "cleaned-up" than those things we bury deep within. Isaiah's confession was at the ready; I hope I'm that attentive to keeping accounts with God short, so he can do his cleansing work. No matter how much it hurts. For it's then he can most effectively "send me” (Is. 6:8).

Chasing Rabbits

2009-01-19T14:26:00.007-06:00

My Bible study class is fantastic at chasing rabbits (or chickens, but that's a subject for another day). Just ask Andy, our teacher. He even has to preface his thoughts from time to time with, "Now we're not going to chase this rabbit, but you might consider ...." Then, diligently and faithful to the task, he trudges forward with a biblical truth in the midst of a rash of small group conversations about the very "rabbit" he told us not to chase. Please understand, I'm not pointing fingers, I'm fully culpable on this matter! Why only yesterday...

Just kidding.

From what I understand, the idea of chasing rabbits comes from hunting. A dog should remain focused on the scent of the animal being tracked, but sometimes a rabbit will cross the path, and a finely tuned and trained canine will suddenly diverge from the task at hand, chasing after the wild hare.

How true that is of my life and worship. Focused on serving and obedience to God in one area, I'll suddenly diverge from the path he's given me, either because of sin or distraction, and the next thing I know, I'm chasing rabbits. Or, even in times of personal or corporate worship, I'll catch myself musing the grocery list on the fridge - or wondering where that candle and photo frame might be. More rabbit chasing. I think that could even be a paraphrase of Rev. 2:4's "you've lost your First Love" passage. It could read, "You're chasing rabbits." (Perhaps I'll recommend this idea to my husband for his translation of scripture - that's the DWI version: Darin Wood International.)

Look, there, I just chased a rabbit. (As I slap my palm against my forehead.)

What's even more remarkable is very often, the rabbits I chase aren't even worth the time and effort. They're more like Dodger's bunny you see to the right - artificial, lifeless and filled with nothing good. Just a mock image of what is truly reality, holding nothing of value, except perhaps sentiment. It can't even move of its own volition or momentum. In order for Dodger to have reason to chase it, I have to throw it. I'm quite sure Satan does the same thing to me. He throws a lifeless, worthless pursuit across my path and I chase after it. He picks it up again and throws it a little further. All the while, leading me further and further from the presence and truth of Christ.

For a time is coming when people will ... reject the truth and chase after myths. But you should keep a clear mind in every situation .... Work at telling others the Good News, and fully carry out the ministry God has given you (2 Tim 4:3-5).

God, help me to ignore the rabbits today.

Oh, and Andy, if you're reading this, I'll try to do better in Sunday School, too. ;-)

Lost or Raptured?

2009-01-14T11:18:00.004-06:00

I realize Scripture tells us one day the earth and all it contains will pass away and only the souls of humanity will remain, but I'm convinced the Lord has already raptured a candle and a picture frame from my house.

Seriously, I can't find them anywhere. If I didn't remember moving them from the other house, I'd swear Mary's hiding them in the parsonage. (Just kidding, Mary.) I remember them being on the buffet in the dining room before Christmas and then storing them away (in a "safe" place) in order to make room for more festive decorations. Where I put them ... only the Lord knows. The good thing is, I know they're together, wherever they are.

I actually remember coming across them at one point back in late December and thinking, "Oh, this is where I put these things! I'll have to remember this when it comes time to replace the Christmas decorations." Yeah. That worked out. I've actually prayed multiple times the Lord will remind me where I've put them. Thus, since I haven't had a revealing answer to this prayer, I'm beginning to believe he liked them so well, he wanted to have them in heaven with him. That's great with me; it's a pretty candle, and it's one of our wedding photos in the frame. Someday, they'll be pleasant reminders of life here on earth.

Thank goodness Jesus isn't as absent-minded about me. He even told a crowd of people it was God's will that he never lose me - or you (see John 6:39), and he always did what pleased God (John 8:29). I'm glad he never hides me away or replaces me for something more attractive or festive.

Now, in all honesty, the candle doesn't smell that good; it's just pretty, and we can print out another of that wedding photo. So I'm not devastated, just stinkin' annoyed!

The Privilege of Prayer

2009-01-12T07:56:00.002-06:00

Prayer is certainly a powerful exercise for believers - a privilege to carry our concerns and joys to the God of all creation. Historically, no great movement of God has ever begun without prayer. Yesterday, Darin challenged our church with the opportunity to pray for our entire community- 6000 strong in the 75763 zip code-and distributed copied sheets of the telephone book throughout the congregation by which to provide a method for this challenge.

I got "U."

While there are a few actual people listed, I'm amused that the Lord should ordain for me to receive the "U.S. Government." Not that I question the need for prayer for our nation's leadership; it's just I so often sense such deep corruption (on both sides of the political fence), I am usually less than optimistic about prayer truly making a difference in the outcome of elections, law-making sessions, etc. Yet, I think this was God's wake-up call to me. A reminder he is still "King of [all] kings" (1 Tim 6:15) and "there is no authority except from [him]" (Rom 13:1).

That's important to me, because as C.S. Lewis says, we are the "object[s] of God's love," and he has more than just an "indifferent concern for our welfare." In that all-consuming love, we are valued beyond all measure, up to and including the sacrifice of his only perfect Son on our behalf. Why shouldn't I trust prayer to make a difference, then? If he can change the course of my eternity, surely he can handle law-makers and judges for the time they are in office.

Father John of Kronstadt said, "Oh, what great happiness and bliss, what exaltation it is to address oneself to the Eternal Father. Always, without fail, value this joy which has been accorded to you by God's infinite grace." - Even while I'm praying for the government.

God's Soundtrack

2009-01-09T13:17:00.009-06:00

I've always been a fan of musicals. Ever since I was a wee little girl. I'd dance through the house singing "Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens...." The combination of music and drama, coupled with romance and conflict has always scratched right where I've itched. Add to that the incredibly (however far-fetched) happy endings, and I'm sold. Movies with good soundtracks have the same effect, and not just the chick flicks. I've never watched the entirety of "Gettysburg," but I can follow the story just by listening to the music.

Sitting at the dining room table late this morning, I began to think musicals, or at least movie soundtracks, must have been God's idea. I was sewing, listening to some of my favorite songs on the IPod. Chris Rice's "Untitled Hymn" began to play - a tender lullaby of calling and comfort.

Weak and wounded sinner, lost and left to die

The words matched the view out our 10 foot window: overcast; the sun hidden behind gray and white clouds. Then, suddenly...

O, raise your head, for love is passing by, come to Jesus and live!
Now your burden's lifted and carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so sing to Jesus and live!

The sun's glow beamed into the room so brilliantly I had to squint. Yet in a heartbeat,
clouds covered the sun, and a cold darkness settled itself over the room again.

And like a newborn baby, don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk sometimes we fall...
Sometimes the way is lonely and steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain...

As the sun burst forth again, tears jumped to my eyes as I realized God's handiwork matched the music...

O, and when the love spills over and music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then dance for Jesus.

Suddenly, the clouds passed over, covering the sun, yet again.

And with your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye

As the clouds departed, the sun shone directly on my face, warming my body and soul...

Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and fly to Jesus and live!

I guess God puts a soundtrack to life almost every day in one way or another. Whether it's birds singing, wind howling, water tripping over rocks. The big question is, "Are my eyes and ears open to see and hear his music?"

The Humility of Jesus

2009-01-07T09:58:00.003-06:00

Several months ago, I read the following devotional by Michael Card and was struck by the absolute humility Christ demonstrated, even in his most "powerful" moments of miracles and the resurrection. Jesus could have enjoyed plenty of celebrity status following the feeding of the 5000, the public healings, etc., but he didn't find security in the opinions of others, so their praise or jeers didn't affect his intentions and purposes (although I truly believe such comments affected his feelings). Nevertheless, Jesus' demonstrations of humility at the best and worst of life's moments have caused me to deeply reflect upon my own humility (or lack thereof). I certainly hope that when people observe my life and behavior, they recognize an "un-prideful" person, but more than other's observations, I want my heart and mind to be characterized by an inescapable and desperate dependence on God, so much so that He is in my thoughts at all times: first, last and always, with others or alone with Him.

"I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does." John 5:19

The humility of Jesus is evident on every page of the Gospels. Though he might have grasped equality with God, Jesus lets go of position and authority. He comes in poverty and weakness. He always points away from himself and directly to the Father upon whom he says again and again he is totally dependent. As a result, when Jesus performs a miracle, he ... always [redirects] the praise for the Father.

The humility of Jesus is most strikingly portrayed in his miracles. Without question they are literally miracles. They shatter and defy nature, physics and the world as we know it. But if you listen closely to the text, you will notice that Jesus' manner, his demeanor, the way in which he does his miracles is ordinary and simple.

Slow to Join; Glad I Did

2009-01-05T15:53:00.003-06:00

I've got this thing. I don't want to do something if everyone else is doing it. Not because I'm such a great individualist, but because I don't want to be left holding the bag if it all goes bad. It's true. Throughout large portions of my childhood and adolescence, I would go along with everyone else because I couldn't think of anything better to do. (I'm not terribly creative.) But, time and again, I'd be the one caught and in trouble because I couldn't make a quick enough getaway.

Case in point: one afternoon several of us girls were romping through the church building while waiting on our parents to finish a meeting. Now, at the time, the R.A.s had a secret hideout thingy they'd built in the children's area with ladders and false walls and stuff, but it was (naturally) off limits to any and all females.

We girls decided while the boys were out on the playground, we'd take the opportunity to hunt for the secret hideout. Sneaking away, that's exactly what we did. We searched high and low until we found the ladder leading to the cedar-paneled room filled with boy stuff (none of which interested us, of course). To our delight, we'd located their secret, even if it wasn't terribly exciting. I was looking around the room, searching for something unique enough to make this trek worthwhile, when suddenly, all the girls scattered and I was alone. Face-to-face with a boy two years older than me who wasn't at all happy about seeing a third grade girl in a boy's hideout. I hemmed and hawed and took off like a bolt of lightning, but, I'd been caught. He reported the invasion to his dad, who told my dad, and well, let's just say I didn't venture up there again.

See what I mean? I was the only one caught, even though I insisted I wasn't alone. Since then, I've rarely even signed political petitions as a safety measure. Should I ever decide to run for public office (ha!), my opponents will have a hard time saying I was a supporter of "such and such" or adverse to "fill-in-the-blank."

I guess that's why I was so slow to join the Facebook revolution. If it all breaks down, I don't want to be responsible! But, I'm now realizing just how much I've already missed. Since last Monday, I've rediscovered old friendships and reconnected with people I love. As much as we are and claim to be a "hibernating" culture, I can't help but believe we still desire relationship most of all. Facebook just helps us do relationships on our own terms; for good or bad is still to be determined, I think. But for now, I'm loving it.

Year in Review

2009-01-01T13:16:00.005-06:00

Wow. Thinking back over 2008, I'm amazed at the things Darin, the Lord and I walked through.

At the beginning of the year, I set a goal to publish something (anything!) and I'm happy to report my goal was met! In cooperation with the Baptist World Alliance, I got to participate in writing a devotional for Advent (see it online at BaptistWay, "Online Reading" - mine was Dec. 29) so I just barely met it, but hey, it happened nonetheless!

April brought the 90th birthday of my precious grandfather, which we celebrated with a huge family gathering. And, praise God, he's still doing quite well! It also brought the delightful addition of a goofy and precious puppy we named Dodger: family member and mascot for Darin's T-Ball team!

In May, we enjoyed a delightful touring vacation through Tennessee, Kentucky, Indiana, Illinois, Ohio, West Virginia, Virginia, and North Carolina, and then our world turned upside with the advent of three children under three moving into our home. Fostering those kids was a tremendous blessing and labor, simultaneously. I still celebrate with fondness and joy the progress and growth we saw in them as the Lord allowed us (and so many of our friends) to invest our lives into theirs.

The greatest blessing of all came in October, as we purchased our beautiful home. We're so glad buying the house enabled us to set down more stable roots and, and at the same time, help the church by providing more comfortable housing for the NeSmiths. We've been thrilled to get to know our neighbors as we've settled in to our new surroundings. If you're in the area, please stop by: we're the only house with a mailbox!

So, there it is, 2008 in review. Full of new experiences and blessings and relationships and even an accomplishment or two! (Although not printed this year, a lesson I wrote for BaptistWay is scheduled to appear in the Adult Sunday School Literature, Spring of 2009!)

So I celebrate and say with James "Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father" (1:17)!

What If?

2008-12-16T08:45:00.012-06:00

What if Mary, Jesus' mother, wasn't like we've always pictured her to be?

What if she was still a chunky teenage girl who hadn't yet lost her baby fat and was accustomed to the torments of girls her age? Perhaps then, that was, in part, why God chose her. She'd handled ridicule well, and there was bound to be even more as an unwed pregnant girl in that culture. Furthermore, her name means "bitter." Living life with that moniker might have made her one tough broad. She may have had a strength of character that surpassed her youth.

What if she was less "cheerleader" and more "softball catcher"? Her dad and mom may have been thick, stocky people and mom may have been a fantastic cook, too!

What if she wasn't blue-eyed? Few Jewish girls are.

What if she would never have been chosen Homecoming Queen? She may not have been incredibly attractive. Her Son certainly had nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him (Isaiah 53:2).

What if she wasn't a sweet, demure, acquiescent child but a robust, confident, stubborn young woman with deep convictions?

So often, when we hear her name, we picture a pansy-like demeanor subtly accepting "the will of God." But look again at Luke 1:26-38: she's a thinking person. She wants a logical answer for how in the world she's going to have a baby, and isn't afraid to ask. Furthermore, what if there's an unrecorded pause between verses 37 and 38 where she has to consider all the implications and decide to trust an unseen God before she says, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said." And I love the fact that she fully recognizes this is being done to her. She's not naive and assumes it will all work out with no complications or difficulties. She understands this will have a profound effect on every aspect of her life as it stands right now.

What if she was shoveling manure in the barn when the angel came to her? Let's face it, we usually picture her stirring a pot over an open flame, feeding a lamb or darning socks. Women in that culture had to do the dirty chores, too.

Were any of these "what ifs" true, they wouldn't change the fact that above all else, Mary is obedient, and humbly recognizes her place as servant of the Most High God. Confident or insecure, lovely or unattractive, shy or gregarious, she willingly gave all she was to all that God needed her to be. No reservations, no holds barred, for better or worse.

God, some days I fail so miserably at giving all of myself to you, but for this moment, know that all I am deeply desires to be your obedient servant today.

Success! Sorta.

2008-12-13T22:50:00.002-06:00

We caught Mickey tonight (using marshmallows, BTW). However, apparently we have a Minnie, too. The hunt's still on.

Mouse Update

2008-12-13T00:45:00.002-06:00

We still haven't caught the fuzzy creature. We've now fed it four helpings of peanut butter and two peppermint pieces. The problem appears to be it's so small and light that it is able to eat without springing the trap. We're going to make a couple more attempts, but we're seriously considering buying glue traps, next. If I weren't allergic to cats, we'd ask to borrow one.

The Twelve Days of Christmas

2008-12-10T08:40:00.002-06:00

Last Tuesday night, I had the pleasure of attending the Ladies Teacup Exchange, as I've mentioned before. One of my favorite parts of the evening was the interactive, animated and amusing singing of the traditional carol, Twelve Days of Christmas. If you weren't there I can't describe to you how funny it was to see Ruth Price holding her cell phone as she sang, "Four calling birds," or Delight Bristow with her hands extended over her head as though she were a pear tree, or Mary NeSmith "creatively moving" as one of the dancing ladies. And whoever told those women at table five they could sing about golden rings should be shot.

Nevertheless, in commemoration of the wonderful event, I thought I'd post some trivia about the song. Unknown to most non-liturgical, or "free" churches, the twelve days of Christmas actually has ancient Christian roots. Epiphany, January 6, is a holy day observed by the Church for centuries, traditionally believed to be the day the wise men, or Magi, presented their gifts to the Christ. Thus, for the twelve days between Christmas Day and Epiphany, it became popular to give gifts and/or celebrate in some way.

The song as we know it today has a variety of stories behind it, but my favorite is that the lyrics were a memory poem and game much like our modern, "I'm going on a picnic" game. Each person mentions something new, but must also recite all that was spoken previously by other players. Thus, if you were person #7, reciting The Twelve Days of Christmas, you had to say, "Seven swans a-swimming" and remember and recite the rest of the items stated by persons 1 through 6, as well. Not too hard, since we've put it to music, but I bet I couldn't do very well without humming the tune!

Anyway, here's a link to how much all those bagpipers, dancers, birds and stuff would cost in 2008 (to get to each item, click "next" in the bottom left corner). The grand total? You'll have to sing the whole song to find out!

Don't Read This While You Eat

2008-12-09T15:55:00.007-06:00

We saw one yesterday. It wasn't big; it wasn't frightening. It was just one of those. Scurrying past Darin's feet at a lightning pace, furry and agile, a mouse is cohabiting our garage.

I guess it's the free room and board that appealed to him. He was trying to get into the dog's food when Darin first caught a glimpse of him. Thankfully, he didn't achieve his objective, and the Puppy Chow has been saved. But I guess I've found there is one disadvantage to living by a pasture.

The only other battle I've personally fought against mice was in grad school. The rickety shack on Drew Street in Ft. Worth housed my roommate Kathy, myself, and a horrible vermin we named "Whitey." He found the pantry pretty quickly, delving into such culinary delights as oatmeal and Cherrios. I was prepared to let him have his way with our food supply just so I wouldn't have to deal with the nasty creature. Besides, I don't like oatmeal, and I could survive without Cherrios! However, when Whitey found the Kool-aid mix, Kathy announced, "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. We have got to do something about this mouse." Cheering delightedly, enraptured by her passion and zeal for this mission, I somehow missed the fact that "we" meant "me."

Kathy, a die-hard liberal and advocate for women's equality suddenly turned into a delicate southern belle from South Carolina. There was no way....she couldn't possibly...it was out of the question that she should set a mousetrap. So, she did the next best thing: she offered to buy the mousetrap. Gee, thanks.

Well, she did, and after reading the instructions (no kidding), I set the trap. Cheese was the bait of choice, and that night around 2 AM we heard the SNAP! "Good, our mission is accomplished," I thought as I curled back under the covers. I was wrong. The next morning, I discovered Whitey had made off with the cheese. So, that night, we used peanut butter. I figured he might stick to the trap if nothing else. Sure enough, around 3 AM, we again heard the ominous SNAP! I jumped out of bed to see if we'd succeeded this time. Kathy heard the sound, too, and timidly poked her head out of her bedroom and followed me to the kitchen.

Mousetrap instructions don't include what to do with the captured creature. I think Kathy planned to leave him to rot in the trap, but intuition told me that wasn't the best plan. So, armed and shielded with rubber gloves, I prepared to open the pantry door as Kathy went screaming back into her bedroom. (I'm not exaggerating. She high-tailed it out of there.) Opening the door, I saw Whitey, eyes bulging and bloody-lipped. One arm (leg? paw? whatever), was broken from the force of the spring, and a glob of peanut butter was stuck on the floor. I wasn't one hundred percent certain he was dead, so I decided that it couldn't hurt to leave him another four hours to really die, and I went back to bed. (This is a true story.)

The next morning, again armed with rubber gloves, I picked up the end of the mousetrap, and carefully carried Whitey's dead carcass to the dumpster in our apartment complex. Then, without even a eulogy, I threw him in. Mousetrap and all.

I set two traps in the garage today. I figure since I've never claimed to be a women's libber, if and when we do catch our furry friend, Darin gets to remove him this time.

Dependence Day

2008-12-03T08:40:00.009-06:00

As I've mentioned before, each Advent/Christmas season it seems as though the Lord has a particular facet of the nativity and incarnation about which he wants to enlighten me. For weeks, verses, sermons, songs, pictures, and comments will come to my attention focused on one aspect of the coming of Christ. Sometimes, it's a character: like when I played Mary in our church pageant. Experiencing the emotion and crisis of faith through her eyes was deeply moving for me. Sometimes it's about his character: like the year I was confounded by his mercy. Sometimes it's about my character: like the year I recognized selfish attitudes creeping into my giving. Sometimes it's about biblical veracity: like last year when I considered the foretold and incredibly accurate prophecies surrounding Jesus' coming. Then sometimes it's about theological doctrine. Deep stuff, but nonetheless applicable for real life. That's what it is this year.

Last night at our Ladies Ministry Teacup Exchange I had the privilege of singing and playing Chris Rice's Welcome to Our World. For more than a week, I've been mulling over the lyrics and considering them in light of scripture. The theological implications have staggered my mind. My favorite lines from the song are these:

Fragile fingers sent to heal us, tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us - unto us is born, unto us is born.
So wrap our injured flesh around you, breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy, perfect Son of God.

Having a newborn in our home this year definitely heightened my awareness of the incredible dependency of humanity. We think we are so self-sufficient, so invulnerable. As we mature, pride and egocentricity tear down opportunities for recognizing our inadequacy on a day-by-day basis.

Even my goofy dog reminded me of that this week. Anxiously standing by the door to come in from outside, he couldn't do for himself. He was literally incapable of opening the door. I mentioned to Darin how helpless a feeling it must be to not be able to even enter a room; to be so dependent upon another for even getting from point A to point B. Immediately I was struck with the thought of our omnipotent, powerful God choosing to humble himself (see Phil 2:5-8) to the form of humanity. But not just any form of humanity - a newborn, an infant. And here's the theological part: The independent, dependable God chose to become dependent upon an undependable creation. He needed someone to change and feed him, clothe and bathe him; to teach him to walk. He needed others to teach him language, reading and math. (Hey, as the son a carpenter, he definitely learned math, which only further proves Heb. 2:17-18 - he does understand our suffering!)

As an adult, Jesus needed others to do their jobs of making bread, milking animals, tending sheep, catching fish, manufacturing textiles and pottery and constructing clothing and buildings. He even depended upon the religious authorities - corrupt though they were - to lead in worship. He needed people, the same way I do. I am not a self-sufficient creation. And like Jesus, not only do I need what others can do, I need them. Who they are. Their very persons, personalities and characters. Relationships. Not in a creepy, co-dependency way, but in a genuine exchange of life lived together on this planet. Most days, I'm still trying to figure out what that looks like, what it is to know genuine relationship without pretending to be "best-friends" with everybody (a true impossibility), but I know it begins with authenticity and honesty. Two things Jesus was really good at. Oh, and there was a third thing he was really good at: forgiveness. Even though he knew they would screw up, fail him, disappoint him and ultimately hang him on a tree, he still chose to live with and love on them. And hanging from that cross, he cried out for their forgiveness and mine (Luke 23:34).

So how do I apply all this theological stuff? Daily practice authentic, honest relationships. First with him, and second, with each and every person he puts in my path. (I'm warning you, though, I'm gonna goof this up real well some days.)

Various nations around the world celebrate Independence Days, yet the day Christ was born was his Dependence Day. And he has been dependent upon this unreliable creation of humanity ever since. Even today, he depends upon me to share with others that salvation comes through him alone and to disciple believers in the truths of his word. He is bound to us as only a Servant King can be.

Welcome to our world.

Deep Thought

2008-11-18T11:51:00.002-06:00

I came down with a cold Sunday evening, and it has gotten me to thinking: If you can have post-nasal drip, can you have pre-nasal drip?

Isaiah 43:2

2008-11-18T08:42:00.004-06:00

I can't take credit for the following thoughts--I heard them in a sermon once, but can't remember who was preaching. Nevertheless, I was reminded of that message again as I read Isaiah 43:2 this morning:

"When you go through deep waters, I [the LORD] will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown."

Why did God include references to two bodies of water in this passage--deep waters and rivers? Because both are dangerous in their own way.

Every human being walks through long and difficult periods of life that seem hopeless and daunting. Extended illness of oneself or a loved one, financial difficulties, or the consequences of a bad choice may cause us to feel we're drowning in deep waters. Exhausted, we simply tread water to keep our heads above the surface - the water's edge is a mere mirage any more; we doubt we'll ever see land again. Yet with a personal pronoun, the God of heaven and earth, Maker of time and space, the Covenant-Keeper, says, "I will be with you." No maybes. No conditions.

But not all of life's difficulties are lengthy and prolonged. Sometimes, they come at us like a rushing river, bowling us over with no warning or time for preparation. A trust is suddenly broken, a loved one hurts and disappoints us, a catastrophe or natural disaster occurs and we are knocked off balance by the powerful stream that runs over us, leaving us gasping for a breath before we go under again, all the while struggling to get our feet underneath us. Yet this same God of heaven and earth, Maker of time and space, and Covenant-Keeper says, "you will not drown." No maybes. No conditions.

I don't know where you find yourself - in the deep waters or the rivers of difficulty, but moment by moment today trust in his character as you tread water or gasp for breath, remembering he said, "You are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you" (Is. 43:4).

Worship Bloopers

2008-11-11T08:44:00.004-06:00

Darin recently printed some bulletin bloopers on his blog, and that got me to thinking about some of the funny things I've experienced in worship services. While it's generally a good idea to have a well-planned, orderly method to corporate worship, it can get a little boring, even predictable at times, and in that our hearts lose any opportunity for spontaneous joy. I think that's why God, in his sovereignty, allows goofy things to happen!

About 2 months ago, right at the beginning of the service, sitting near a window in the sanctuary, a red wasp whizzed by my head. From that point on, I knew I and others around me would be less interested in heart-to-heart time with God, and more concerned and distracted about the location of that wasp. So, I decided to quickly and quietly do something about it. When he landed on the window sill, I crept over to where he sat, removed my shoe and proceeded to quietly smush it - for a minimum of 3 minutes. Either my strength or the sole of the shoe wasn't enough to crush it. Instead, every time I thought, "OK, it's got to be dead by now," and lifted the shoe, the tenacious creature wriggled and squirmed still more. What was supposed to be an oblivious, covert solution to the problem drew the attention and giggles of that entire quarter of the sanctuary! But I'm happy to report that although I missed the entire choir special, the wasp will not threaten another soul!

Another favorite memory occurred when I was in high school. I was part of a traveling choral group, and while visiting FBC Andrews, TX, we were blessed to participate in their morning worship service. To get to Andrews, however, we'd ridden on a charter bus all night, netting about 3 hours' sleep for each of us. Now, I don't know if you've ever been around 20 sleep-deprived teenagers, but everything they see and hear necessitates a giggle. Unfortunately, the church was scheduled to observe the solemn and sacred Lord's Supper that day. You can see this isn't going to go well, can't you?

Seated in the choir loft, we maintained the greatest dignity and respect for the solemnity of the occasion, until a deacon with squeaky shoes came to deliver the bread to us. Each step he took on the linoleum floor echoed above the organist's playing and rang out through the sanctuary. We snickered a bit, but after the "you're-going-to-die-very-soon" look we received from our director, we got ourselves under control. Moments later, that same deacon returned to the choir loft with the juice, squeaking all the way. As he took his departing step back onto the carpeted platform, he whispered, "Next time, I'm going to wear house-shoes!" We lost it. We broke into flat-out uproarous laughter - in the middle of Communion! All eyes in the sanctuary were on us at that point, and the somberness of the moment was lost. We truly felt awful about our disruption, but since then, I've often envisioned a subdued and thoughtful deacon wearing fuzzy pink slippers into the choir loft!

I Can Do That

2008-11-08T09:51:00.014-06:00

I'm still mulling over John 6:22-33.

For centuries, people have asked the question, "What does God want us to do?" (vs. 28). Oddly enough, most of us ask pastors, parents, relatives, friends and Bible study teachers before turning to the One Who really knows the answer. At least these people recorded in John 6 went straight to the horse's mouth (so to speak). Jesus simply and profoundly answers them: "Believe in the one he has sent." So simple. So direct. So uncluttered with "to do" lists. Too elementary for most of us. We think God wants our hands and feet first. Doing stuff. Nope. It's our hearts and minds he desires, because he knows the rest of us will follow if he has that much (see Luke 6:45).

Yet, as typical humanity, we play the "tit for tat" game. "You must show us a miraculous sign if you want us to believe in you. What will you do for us?" (vs. 30). As if giving us our very lives and breath for the moment isn't sufficient enough. We are a demanding creation, aren't we? Never satisfied with how we got what we got, we need a more impressive way of getting more. Then, we'll be confident in the character and provision of God.

And all the while, Jesus is simply saying, "Believe."

We all need this reminder from time-to-time, because people will occasionally say our efforts at obedient ministry have been insufficient according to their standards. I know I'm certainly not the only one who has felt the sting of not "measuring up" to religious rule-makers. Honestly, in those times, I'm tempted to look at God and say, "Fix this situation, and then I'm trust your character." But he has proven so faithful - he sacrificed himself - what further evidence do I really need? His grace is sufficient (2 Cor. 12:9) and his love unfailing (Ps. 59:10). I'm so imperfect, those others may be right in their assessment of me, but each of us can only obey to the best of our ability, and stand accountable to God alone.

I'm so thankful that the One Who is the Judge of all humanity, space and time has made our job so simple. He says to us, "Believe in the one [I] sent." Direct. Uncluttered. Elementary.

Believe? OK. I can do that.

Give Credit Where It's Due

2008-11-08T08:32:00.013-06:00

I love reading a passage of Scripture that is familiar, only to find new jewels of truth as I meditate and contemplate the verses again.

John 6:22-33 has done that for me this morning.

I laughed out loud as I read and imagined the interchange between Jesus and the crowds in vs. 31-32. They say to him, "The Scriptures say, 'Moses gave [our ancestors] bread from heaven to eat.'"

Just imagine Jesus' face! Mentally, he's got to be saying to himself, "WHO DID?" But, instead he says aloud, "Moses didn't give them bread from heaven. My Father did." Now, let's just be honest for a moment: misquoting Scripture to its very author isn't the brightest idea I can come up with. Nevertheless, Jesus gently corrects faulty thinking in regard to Biblical truth. [Exodus 16:4 and Psalm 78:24 both clearly state that God provided that manna, not Moses' magic wand.]

Too often, we're quick to acknowledge humanity (yes, ourselves, too) as the source of blessing. It was somebody's quick thinking or our hard work that brought about the good thing. I think that's because we worship and serve an invisible God, and our minds struggle to attach tangible blessings with an intangible Lord. And sometimes when we do acknowledge God as the giver of "every good and perfect gift," it comes across as though we could have eventually gotten it on our own, but we just needed God's extra "push" to get us over the hump and into this place of blessing. (The "Lord is my helper.") How arrogant! How foolish! How sinful.

Giving appropriate and generous credit to where it is due requires a humility that stretches us beyond the comforts of our own pride. That's why expressive worship is so hard for some of us. Even in the privacy of our own homes, many of us can't laugh with God or sing to Jesus with spontaneity or sincerity, because we don't want to be humble enough to recognize how unworthy and unimpressive we really are. And get those same people in a corporate worship setting and watch the excuses fly! Certainly, we are valuable; we're made in his image. But Eve's first sin was believing she could be "like God." We fall for the same lie every time we elevate our involvement in our accomplishments and blessings.

Just as we're annoyed by braggarts, I imagine God gets a little weary of such behavior from us, too. Read Job 38-41 as though God is a prosecuting attorney; you'll get humbled real fast. But with Job, give credit where it's due and respond in submissive worship: "I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. . . . I was talking about things I did not understand, things far too wonderful for me. . . .and I repent" (Job 42:2,5).

Define "Democracy"

2008-11-05T20:30:00.011-06:00

I've rarely been one to express comment on political opinion or legal issues, but as a student of history, I can't help but feel something about a statement I read today on Yahoo news from an Associated Press article regarding the California amendment against gay marriage.

Evan Wolfson, a gay-rights lawyer who heads a group called Freedom to Marry, was quoted in this article as saying: "There's something deeply wrong with putting the rights of a minority up to a majority vote. If this were being done to almost any other minority, people would see how un-American this is."

I'd like to ask Mr. Wolfson: "What is a democracy, if not the opportunity for a majority to express its opinions, whether or not the minority accepts or approves of those opinions?" By definition, a democracy is the rule of the majority of people (see Mirriam-Webster.com). Our founding Fathers weren't interested in the preferences of the few over the declaration of the many. Isn't that why they declared independence from Britain in the first place? So that laws could not be made that were not supported or approved by the majority of citizens?

I'm certain that Mr. Wolfson is differentiating "rights" vs. "preferences," as the basis of his argument, but I even question the idea that it is anyone's "right" to marry. It is a privilege, perhaps, but if it is a "right" then 12 year-olds should not be required to have parental approval, because it is their "right" as a human being. Rights are limited to those things that are inalienable for all humanity (e.g. life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness) regardless of age, race, etc. I don't remember marriage listed among those in the Declaration of Independence. And, as a student of history, I prefer to stick to those things our founding Fathers included without assuming what they might have meant. And for those things that require further clarification (such as the inclusion of the Bill of Rights and other amendments to the Constitution), I'll stick with the plan they concocted of majority rule by which we acquired those amendments.

Ultimately, the best news is that God alone is still sovereign, regardless of the opinions of the majority or minority people groups. So, until Mr. Wolfson is able to de-throne the Almighty, I'll rest assured tonight. Hope you will, too.

I Didn't Know I Was Supposed to Follow You

2008-11-05T08:34:00.005-06:00

Norris and Kathy have four sweet kids: 3 girls and a boy. The youngest, a 1st grader, Clayton, is quite the maverick. With three older sisters, I'm sure he gets plenty of "bossy-ness" to rebel against! One Sunday recently, however, it wasn't his sisters he circumvented, but his Dad.

Norris told us in Bible Study he'd gotten out of their van talking to Clayton, and as he walked the long way around the building to enter, he'd continued their conversation. Yet, when he turned around to hold the door for Clayton to enter, he found his son conspicuously absent.

Just short of panic, Norris retraced his steps, then combed the halls looking for his son. He found him happily involved in an activity in his 1st grade room. Approaching him, relieved, but a little annoyed, Norris asked him where he'd gone and why he hadn't entered the building behind him. Clayton innocently responded: "I didn't know I was supposed to follow you."

Norris had no reply. His son was safe and right where he needed to be, so admonishment wouldn't have served much purpose. He hadn't told Clayton to follow him, he'd just assumed he would. Shrugging his shoulders, Norris left the room.

When he shared this story with us, Norris rightly pointed out we DO know we're supposed to follow Jesus. He's commanded us to do so. Yet when we consider all the excuses we come up with for taking a "slightly" different direction, not to mention the blatant choices to disobey, we can't innocently turn to the Lord and say, "I didn't know I was supposed to follow You." He's made the expectation of obedience abundantly clear.

The truth is, Norris did take the long route around the building, and Clayton did make it to his classroom just fine taking a short-cut. But Clayton unwittingly missed the interaction with his dad; that's time they'll never get back. When we take "short-cuts" in the path the Lord wants us to follow we really might end up at the right destination, but we will have missed the fellowship with him along the route. Jesus may want to take us the long way around sometimes, just for the conversations it will bring. But when we take our own "short-cuts," we lose opportunity to spend time with him. Life is too short and our relationship with him too sacred to sacrifice his will on the altar of time and selfish preferences.

I want Jesus to say about me: "[She] greatly revered me and stood in awe of my name. [She] passed on to the people the truth of the instructions received from me. [She] did not lie or cheat; [she] walked with me, living a good and righteous life, and turned many from lives of sin" Malachi 2:5-6.

Real People, Not Actors

2008-11-04T09:57:00.004-06:00

Perhaps you, like I, have been amused at the latest round of Windows Vista ads on TV. As they interview individuals using their software for the first time, a tiny caption appears at the bottom of the screen: "Real people, not actors."

Now, clearly they are trying to convey these individuals are not paid to pretend they like something, but I can't help but laugh every time I see those words. (Are actors not really people? Lassie doesn't count.) Nevertheless, so much of our world is artificial, Microsoft finds it necessary to put disclaimers on their advertisement. And why not? With air-brushed models on magazine covers, plastic cakes in bakery windows, and disposable marriages in every other home, our culture (myself especially) is skeptical to believe or trust in truth and reality.

I've thought about this caption relative to Jesus, too. I wonder if he wanted to put a label on each person he healed: "Real miracle, not an illusion," or over the tomb: "Real death, not a swoon or faint." Most importantly, did he want to shout, "Real salvation in me, not according to what you can do."

Unfortunately, even parts of the church are artificial. People pretend to not struggle with areas of sin, believers act like their agenda for the well-being of the church is the only "God-approved" one, brothers or sisters in the faith snub or ignore one another while others get their feelings hurt each time the wind blows, and expectations for what you should be doing for God's kingdom or how you should be behaving at all times are based on human intellect, not Divine instruction.

Meanwhile, those outside the body of Christ see these behaviors and think, "I can't believe what I read about Jesus, these people are just living in a fantasy world of self-aggrandizement, not self-sacrifice." Artificial. Fake. Unreal.

And Jesus cries out again and again, "Beware of these [hypocrites]! For they like to parade around ... and love to receive respectful greetings .... And how they love the seats of honor .... Yet they ... pretend to be pious .... Because of this, they will be severely punished" (Luke 20:46-47).

In other words, Jesus wants to put a caption on us that reads: "Real person, not an actor." I wonder how many of us could honestly wear that label today?

On the Blog Again . . .

2008-11-03T08:35:00.004-06:00

Just can't wait to get on the blog again . . .

We're happily getting settled into our new home. With all the packing, moving and unpacking, blogging has taken a back seat in priority. But, we actually put a picture on the wall Saturday night and we only have two more boxes in the kitchen looking for homes, so progress is definitely being made. Even Dodger is beginning to believe that we're not going anywhere else, and he can safely bark at the cows in the back pasture.

One of the things I love most about our new home (besides the jacuzzi bathtub and newly installed granite countertops in the kitchen), is the ability to stand on the back porch at night and marvel at the stars. When I was a kid in southeast Louisiana, we lived on property surrounded by undeveloped acreage. In that environment, we had adventures in the woods during the day and watched the sky become littered with stars at night. And here, as it was back then, we're surrounded by wonderful neighbors sharing a sense of community and offering a watchful eye for one another's well-being. I can't tell you how well I've slept over the last week.

Some years at Thanksgiving, I've honestly had to think really hard about what I'm most grateful for, because of the difficulties and unpleasant circumstances the year brought with it. I've got no questions this year - our new house has brought a joy and peace that is indescribable, and a reminder that every good and perfect gift is from my loving heavenly Father.

Almost Unpublishable

2008-10-07T16:29:00.002-05:00

I didn't know that working with the governmental powers that be meant you voluntarily gave away your right to freedom of speech. That's why I didn't write for a long while; I couldn't figure out what I could and could not say. When you are a foster parent, you are not supposed to acknowledge to the rest of the world that foster children live in your home (we learned that rule after-the-fact). I'm not even sure I was supposed to tell you their names if we met on the street. And having them loved on by the members of our family and church family was probably a violation of some rule somewhere. According to the state, everything that was real and true in my life for four months was just in your imagination.

But it wasn't. There were some very real children in need of a loving, safe and clean place to play and eat and learn and rest their heads. And by the grace of God, Darin and I got to provide that. They will probably never know we even existed in their lives, since they were so young, but perhaps the ministry we offered them at a critical juncture will lay a foundation that draws them to the Christ who loves them inifitely more than anyone else ever can or will. They left here knowing that a "wise man built his house upon the rock" and "little feet" should be "careful where [they] go," (and "the wheels on the bus go round and round!"). They each heard the name of Jesus from us, Sunday School teachers, nursery workers and countless other believers who held them close. Maybe those tiny seeds were planted deep enough that they'll take root in years to come. That even without daily watering, one day they'll hear the name of Jesus again and subconsciously remember that his name once brought with it happy smiles and loving arms, and they'll call upon him and run to his arms, wherever they are.

I couldn't publish this blog entry when they were with us, and for all I know I may be in trouble for it now, but I'll hire an ambulance-chasing lawyer and stand on the 1st amendment. I guess I was supposed to stick to safe topics like abortion, politics, and religion, because talking about the realities of my life, feelings and home were taboo. What a crazy world we live in. Thank goodness God's still in control; I don't have the foggiest idea what I'd do if I were in charge of cleaning up this mess.

2008-10-07T16:26:00.004-05:00

I played the piano today. With the exception of a cumulative 15 minutes, I haven't played since June. It was cathartic to move my fingers over the keys and sing songs of joy and comfort. I have no doubt that God himself ordained those piano lessons years and years ago. He knew I'd need the soothing touch of music on this very day in 2008.

Superhero

2008-09-21T07:29:00.011-05:00

I wonder if Jesus ever felt like a superhero. Having never been a superhero myself, I don't have an actual frame of reference for that experience, but in all the movies, shows and comic books I've seen (which isn't a lot), there's an element of loneliness. Although people appreciate their work against the forces of evil, the mystery of their power and illusiveness of their identity frightens away most people (Lois Lane being an exception, of course).

The reason I ponder this thought is due to a passage I read this morning: Luke 9:18-27. Jesus was alone, talking with the Father. What in the world were they talking about, I wonder? Could it be that Jesus was expressing his feelings over this "superhero" problem? (He'd just fed over 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.) Perhaps he was struggling with the conflict between his true identity (God Incarnate) and who people thought he was (Miracle Working Rabbi-Priest Who Works On Demand). Because the next question to his most trusted friends and followers was "Who do people say I am?" Then, he asks, "Who do you say I am?"

I don't for one minute think he was seeking validation from these people he loved (God can't have an identity crisis). But I do believe he longed to hear from their lips the confession of what others and they themselves thought about him. Because although Jesus is God incarnate, he is also fully human, and, I believe, struggled with the same problems of loneliness and security in relationships. When we're feeling alone or misunderstood, we frequently go to those who know us best and love us most for their thoughts about who we are. I think Jesus was doing the same thing. He'd just finished something amazing that rocketed him to celebrity status, but he was finding it "lonely at the top." So, as we should, he went first to his Father to talk about it and then called upon the thoughts of those he trusted, knowing that (by walking with him) they were people who were in good relationship with God.

When Peter correctly answered that he knew Jesus to be the "Messiah sent from God," Jesus knew that his close friend understood the truth of who he was, even if he didn't understand all he did or even the implications of the confession. Jesus tried to explain to Peter and the other disciples what would happen to him in the days to come, if only as a warning. True friends want the best for one another; surely the disciples, when they heard these terrible prophecies lived in denial of their reality.

But then Jesus offers another heart-stopper: we, too, can be superheroes. We can sacrifice ourselves and everything we know and hold dear, to follow him. It may be a long and lonely road where we encounter people who misunderstand us and have unrealistic expectations for who we are and what we can do, but if by the testimony of our words and/or example someone comes to know him as Savior and Lord, we've not only saved a life like Superman, we've saved an eternity. Superheroes act in the best interest of others, even if it exposes them to kryptonite. But by giving up our lives for Jesus' sake, we find that we have saved ourselves. So, in spite of the loneliness or misunderstanding that may come with it, Lord, make me a superhero this week for someone who needs you to work through me. (But please don't make me wear a cape.)

The Enigma of God's Character

2008-08-28T13:22:00.004-05:00

As we've been studying the doctrines we believe about God each Sunday night, I've found much with which I agree, and lots I'll never understand or comprehend. Most specifically, the goodness, or moral purity of God as reflected in his righteousness. My tiny mind can't comprehend the confluence of a couple of the points brought out:

God commands only what is right and will, therefore, have a positive effect upon the believer who obeys.

Because of His supreme righteousness and holiness, He must put His own glory first.

I totally agree with both these points individually. When viewed together, however, my narrow perspective on humanity as experienced on this planet (as opposed to some other planet, I guess!) knows full well that sometimes there isn't a win-win situation. In other words, for God to get the glory he is certainly due, I may have to experience some "un-positive" things.

For example, last week, I met a lady who recently lost her 16 year old nephew in an automobile accident. Because of the young man's life and testimony, several of his peers have begun attending her church, expressing interest in spiritual matters. In this situation, God is receiving glory (she said so), but the experience of loss has certainly not been a positive one. And the continued absence of the young man's presence is not likely to have a positive effect on her as a believer for the remainder of her life on earth.

See what I mean?

But, I also know that you can't isolate the characteristics of God from one another, because he is a whole, other, unique Being, and each of those traits must work in conjunction with one another. Although I am made in his image, I am not comprised of all that he is. And, unlike his creation (i.e. me), he can isolate the feelings he has about something from his response to it, if necessary. Nine times out of ten, my actions are prompted by a feeling I have, even if that feeling is merely a sense of responsibility, and not a "like" or "dislike" matter.

I probably look like I'm talking in circles, now.

I think the crux of the problem, though, is that I want each "positive effect" to have my hand-print, or seal of approval, according to my standard definition. If God gets glory, great, but not at my expense. I don't want to be "used," even by God. (I mean that kind of "used" where you get what you want out of people regardless of the effect on them.) But therein is the contradiction, because that type of selfishness is sin that cannot dwell in his presence, so I am therefore (logically speaking) outside the will of God when I purely desire my own will. Furthermore, I am the creation, not the Creator, and he's got a grand play of humanity to stage where I'm not the lead character!

When I was in seminary, taking systematic theology (which is a fancy way of saying the study of God in a systematic, piece-by-piece manner), we had to identify what we believed to be the root character of God from which all his other traits flowed. Although my professor based his theology of God's character around God's love, I wrote a paper centered around God's holiness. I still believe that my theory was a sound one, because only One who is holy can love perfectly and thus orchestrate time and space perfectly in that holy love. But, I think I understand better why my professor centralized the love of God. Only a loving God would desire relationship with his creation, not just their functionality. There's something reassuring in knowing that the One who must put His own glory first is so loving. For in that love he will work all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Rom 8:28). I just don't need to expect to understand or approve of it.

Prayer

2008-08-21T15:30:00.003-05:00

Prayer is a precious commodity nowdays in my life, and I've been blessed by two Michael Card devotionals on the subject. I thought I'd share a couple of them:

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

Pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer discipled a group of young men in a secret underground seminary during World War II. The regimen required students to meditate on a passage of Scripture for two hours a day.

After only a few days, some of the men complained to Bonhoeffer that their minds were wandering. It was unreasonable, they told the amused Bonhoeffer, to require this of them when they had so many worries at home. He told them to stop trying to fight it. “Follow your mind wherever it goes,” he said. “Follow it until it stops and then, wherever it stops, make that person or problem a matter for prayer. The struggling only leads to more noise and inner turmoil.”

I know I'm guilty of their rationale. If my mind wanders in prayer, I assume I am mistakenly negligent toward God. I never considered that God may be directing my wandering mind for the specific purpose and intent of enabling me to commit all my thoughts to him. For every thought to be captive in obedience (2 Corinthians 10:5). I guess that's God's logical antidote for worry. If I'm dwelling on an issue or person, even subconsciously, when I allow that to be brought in full light and attention into his presence, I recognize my need for his intervention and/or my active obedience to whatever his instruction may be.

The other thing of which I'm terribly guilty is doing more talking than listening in my communication with God:

One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray,and spent the night praying to God. Luke 6:12

Though Jesus’ divinity possessed the very mind of God, his humanity continually sought out the Father in all-night prayer sessions. In the account of those sessions we hear very few words, so we can assume that there was much listening. But not listening for answers, for information. Prayer, for Jesus, seems to have been a time for simply sharing the presence of his Father, listening to the silence of his breathing. When his cousin John is murdered, he flees to the arms of prayer. When he is confronted with the conflict of wills between his Father and himself, it is precisely his Father he flees to in the garden.

Jesus’ life of prayer teaches us that we do not merely listen for words; we must learn to listen to the silence.

Silence is golden, unless we're waiting to hear from the Lord isn't it? I've always known that the most genuine friendships in my life are those in which, from time-to-time, we can be silent together in assured peace and contentment. Where neither is expecting the other to accomplish something, entertain, or even interact verbally. Why would I expect anything different from my heavenly father? Isn't he my closest friend and confidant? Can't he just "be" with me without having expectations imposed upon him, demands made of him and constant noise from my mouth interrupting our time together?

Help me hear the "silence of [your] breathing" Lord.

You Just Never Know

2008-08-20T15:57:00.007-05:00

A month ago I attended the nuptials of a precious young woman from my past. Emily was a vibrant, intelligent sixth grade girl when I last had the pleasure of being around her. I was her Children's Minister at the time, and I loved her immensely! Since then, she's graduated with her master's degree and is now married to a godly man she met through her church. Their wedding was truly an experience of worship of the God who brought them to one another, not just a ceremony connecting two lives.

What was the greatest blessing for me personally was the hand-written note she included in her wedding invitation to me. I wept as I read about the impact she felt I'd had in her life and journey with Christ. Even now, I can't believe God was so gracious as to use me so influentially. And it amazes me to think that a new solid Christian home has been established in this crazy, mixed-up world, in part, because of someone I loved and invested in a decade ago. You just never know.

There's also a serendipitous part to this story. The minister performing the ceremony was a guy who worked with my Dad's ministry in another part of the state about the same time I knew Emily! Then, while seeking a table at which to sit at the reception, I prayed my standard prayer whenever I walk into a new environment alone, "Lord, please show me where you want me." I found an empty spot next to a couple about the age of my own parents. Sure enough, it was God-ordained. They were the parents of a friend of Darin's - Ross King - from youth ministry days gone by! Not only that, but they shared with me about the journey of adoption Staci and Ross have walked and offered encouragement as Darin and I seek whatever the Lord has in store for us someday. (Plus they gave me Ross and Staci's blogspot address which I've added to my favorites!)

What a wonderful day! You just never know what the Lord has in store!

Illusive Rest and Blessed Peace

2008-08-20T15:29:00.005-05:00

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

These verses have been rambling around in my head for a couple of weeks, whether through devotionals I've read, or simply waking up to the thought of them. And in meditating on them, seeking to be obedient to the words of this passage seemed absolutely impossible. When can I find the time or opportunity to rest, Lord? The mere idea of rest is illusive at this point. When one thing is settled, two others have need of my attention. Immediately.

So, I decided that if God were going to ask this of me, to "come to" him, he would provide the means by which to be obedient to his own request. And he has. Twice this week, I've had the blessed un-interruption of nearly three afternoon hours to be at peace in my heart, mind and soul. And you know what I've learned? That sometimes, the rest God promises is not only a spiritual serenity ("Serenity Now!" for all fellow Seinfeld fans), but also an actual, physical, corporeal rest. Case in point: I got a nap one day. Oh blessed slumber.

Then, Saturday afternoon, God used Darin to give me the greatest gift I've received since Christmas: an afternoon off-the-clock. I didn't have to do anything. He cooked, cared for the house and all other responsibilities. All I literally did between 2 PM and 7 PM was sit on the couch watching the Olympics, fall asleep in his arms, and spend time reading my Bible and writing a new devotional. (It is to be published on the internet during Advent through the North American Baptist Fellowship, and I was an invited contributor! That must mean I didn't screw up the Sunday School lesson I wrote for BaptistWay Press! Yipee!)

Finally, I'm actually writing on this blog today - more blessed time to be at peace with my Lord and think and write about him.

Anyway, I've memorized this passage from Matthew now. If for no other reason than in my recitation to hear the voice of God calling to me, personally: Come to Me, Julie. I know you are weary and heavy-laden; I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. No matter what burdens others may place on my shoulders, Jesus' expectations, his yoke, is the simplest - follow me. That means I don't have to forge the trail. He's clearing the path ahead with each step. What a blessed peace.

All Things Are Possible

2008-07-30T11:02:00.004-05:00

A couple of mornings ago, I awoke with a mixture of verses running through my head. I knew they didn't actually go together, and I was probably combining the phrases, so I took a second to check my concordance and read the verses accurately within their contexts. One of the passages, I'm still mulling over - Mark 9:14-29.

Just after Jesus, Peter, James and John have had a (literal) mountain-top experience with the transfiguration, they descend to join the other disciples in the midst of an argument with scribes surrounded by a large crowd.

"Welcome back!"

It's like coming home from a vacation only to find the air conditioner is broken, the toilet's stopped up and the washing machine has flooded the utility room. What a downer!

But this intriguing passage takes an unexpected turn as it reveals the power of Jesus to remove an evil spirit from a man's son. This spirit had caused him countless injuries by forcing him to slam to the ground and jump into fire and water. Prior to Jesus' arrival on the scene, the man had requested his disciples cast it out, but they were unable. Jesus explains that their failure has something to do with a lack of belief (vs. 19).

I find it interesting that Jesus, in his omniscience, asks the man to explain how long his son had experienced this horror. Could it be he wanted to allow the man to think about (one last time!) this long and seemingly unchangeable journey he'd walked? This was not some brief ailment that could be corrected with two aspirin and a good night's sleep, this was a traumatic and terminal malady. And by verbalizing it aloud, the testimony of what was about to happen could be shared for generations to come.

The part that most resonates with my heart is the father's request. He has already come to Jesus for help, so he knows that healing for his son is at least possible. But, like me, knowing from the depths of his being that Jesus is fully competent and trustworthy, he states in v. 22: "If You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!"

Jesus responds, "If I can? All things are possible to him who believes." The man begs, "I do believe; help my unbelief."

My life circumstances right now include some things that I just don't see how God is going to resolve. We've been living this journey of life with some of them so long and they seem so unchangeable, I can't imagine workable solutions. I don't even have any suggestions to offer God! (Like he needs them.) In desperation, I've cried out, "If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us!" And Jesus is saying to me, "If I can? All things are possible to him who believes."

I do believe, Lord Jesus; help my unbelief.

Who's On First?

2008-07-25T21:20:00.014-05:00

I felt like I was in an Abbott and Costello routine yesterday afternoon. As we drove toward a friend's house to swim, we passed a field of recently baled hay. Ace, ever observant and informative, said, "Momma, cows!" I corrected him, saying, "No, that's hay."

"What's that?" he asked from the back seat of the car.

"Hay," I responded.

"Hay!" he said.

******

"Momma, what's that?"

"Hay," I answered.

"Hay!" he said again.

"Momma, what's that?" ...

We continued this conversation for several repeats, when I suddenly realized his "Hay!" was a "Hey!" He thought I was greeting him, not answering his question.

I know how much I hate it when someone won't answer my inquiries, so, to his final "What's that?" I answered him most profoundly:

"Stuff."

"Oh," was his appeased reply.

What Will I Remember?

2008-07-18T13:12:00.003-05:00

God, in his infinite wisdom, made it impossible for humanity to remember anything before the age of two or so. Case in point: if I had to remember someone sticking an aspirator up my nose to clean out the funk, I'd grow up and live in this world with a huge chip on my shoulder. What an awful experience! And it's got to be bad for the kid with it in his or her nose, too.

One of my earliest and most precious memories is the only recollection I have of my maternal grandfather - Luther Humbles. Grandpa carefully sat me on the kitchen counter and gladly and lovingly fed me a spoon of peanut butter. I don't know exactly how old I was at the time, but I was almost 3 1/2 when he passed away, so it was definitely before he got sick and went to the hospital several weeks before. Oddly enough, to this day, I'd rather have a spoon of peanut butter than just about anything. I don't know if my love for the condiment is tied to that very happy memory, but I'd like to think so.

Sometimes, I wish our memories as adults weren't so good. I think Paul felt the same way. He knows some memories can hurt us more than they help and delight. This is especially true in spiritual matters. While it's important to remember the milestones of God's faithfulness and activity in our lives, why is it we can't shake the disappointments, unmet expectations and unkindnesses? Even worse, why can't we get over ourselves: "our" accomplishments, "our" preferences, "our" successes, "our" importance, "our" inside scoop and "our" social prominence?

After listing his impressive credentials to the Philippian church in 3:5-6, he very crudely states that all those things are "rubbish" (vs. 8). That's the polite, American English interpretation for feces, manure, or yes, crap. I don't know about you, but neither the size of the crap nor its color impresses me. It may get my attention, but it's certainly not good attention.

Paul also says he is "forgetting" what lies behind (vs. 13). I think there's a good reason that he uses the present tense, there. He could have chosen to say, "Brethren, ... I've forgotten all that stuff." But instead, he says he's "forgetting." I truly believe he said it that way because pride was a likely struggle for him. He knew that such credentials could gain him a foothold with political and religious leaders, but that wasn't what his identity was built upon. His righteousness, he knew, came not from his own doing, but through faith in Christ (vs. 9). For Paul, that was a humbling thought that he had to adopt daily. Time and time again, perhaps multiple times a day he had to remember to forget how "impressive" he was and remember to consider the "infinite value of knowing Jesus Christ" (vs. 8).

What am I going to remember today? Will it be my own laurels or Christ's power that raised him from the dead. My own self-assurance or the fellowship of His sufferings (v. 10)?

Please God, don't let Paul's words be about me. With tears in his eyes he said "there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. They are headed for destruction....they brag about shameful things" (vs. 18-19).

Finding Balance?

2008-07-14T05:40:00.005-05:00

I did get to spend those couple of hours with Jesus last Tuesday, and what a blessing they were. My world has seemed so off balance over the last month; I needed the time to connect with the one who calmed the sea! I'm sure to people passing by on the highway, I looked most peculiar with my arms outstretched in worship and my head bowed over the picnic table. But I didn't care in the least. The truth is, in that solitude, in that stillness, in that nobody-else-exists-or-matters-but-Jesus-and-me moment, I found myself again. And my identity, although MIA over the last month, was found still set securely in him, as his daughter, servant and friend.

I think that's because, as much as I wanted to focus on my feelings and my needs, I tried very hard to focus on Who he is. (Not an easy feat.) I spent time in Bible study and prayer, honestly reflecting on a couple of instructions he has given in his word, and whether or not I am being obedient to those commands. Then, I plugged the ear buds into my ears and played two songs over and over that simply talked about him. One was Hillsong's I Adore. Look at the lyrics:

The universe is at Your feet
Gives You praise evermore
The stars will light the sky for You
Always, God be praised
And we sing
The Lord is on high
The Lord is on high

I adore You; I adore You
And there's none that compares
To Your majesty, oh Lord
I adore You; I adore You
And I stand in the wonder of Your love

We will crown You King forever
Living Savior, Jesus Redeemer
Lord of heaven, Robed in majesty
Crowned in glory, creation adores You

Holy, holy God almighty
And forever the Lord is exalted
Hear the angels shout His anthem
Ever living, God we adore You

Not much room for me in there, huh?

I also prayed this song by Watermark: Captivate Us.

Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You

Your voice is powerful
And Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
And Your fellowship is free
Draw me closer O my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

Let everything be lost in the shadows
Of the light of Your face
Let every chain be broken from me
As I’m bound in Your grace
For Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You’re full of wisdom, power and might
And every eye will see You

John the Baptist said, "He [Jesus] must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30). While I know he was making reference to Jesus' public prominence versus his own public ministry (and therefore instructing us to act in the same humility), I think this principle still applies in our thought lives, worship and prayer, too. If I'm self-absorbed as I sing songs about what he's done for me and think and pray only about what concerns me or those I care about, you can hardly call that worship and adoration of our Creator. I'm still exalting myself; I'm still putting myself in a "greater" place of prominence. Certainly he tells us to bring our needs before him, but too often my "worship" is unbalanced, whether surreptitiously or unintentionally, I prevent myself from "becom[ing] less."

I wonder if my life would be more balanced if my worship were. It's certainly worth trying.

The Real Truth

2008-07-10T07:22:00.003-05:00

Growing up, my mom gradually taught me, at appropriate intervals, various aspects of housekeeping: making my own bed, dusting, vacuuming, laundry, cooking, etc. She claimed it was to develop my character and responsibility as well as prepare me for adulthood. I now know the real truth - she was tired and wanted some extra help.

If a two year old could reach the dials and switches on the washing machine, I'd teach him to do laundry, too. Of course, the sorting process might be a little rough, if you're still working on colors.

Meeting With Jesus

2008-07-08T10:34:00.006-05:00

I took a bath today. Not a quick, scrub-clean shower, but an honest-to-goodness, immerse-yourself, luxurious, bubble-laden soak.

Let's just say it's been a while since that happened.

Although my troubles didn't wash away with the water, my mind and body sure felt better after that 30 minute sop. I'm hoping the time I'll get to spend with the Lord this afternoon will do that for my spirit and soul.

I'll have some uninterrupted time to be with Jesus at the park today, and I know I need it!

It's amazing the refreshment that a long, hot bath can provide. It's also amazing the refreshment that a long, hot afternoon alone with my Savior can provide. I had the same opportunity last week, but had a bunch of paperwork to catch up on. Today, I'm ready to experience the beauty of his holiness, to hear joy and gladness and have the joy of my salvation restored once again. Like David, I won't bring a sacrifice, for that's not what he takes pleasure in. Rather, I readily come with a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51).

For I know the Lord my God is with me, and he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in me, he will quiet me with his love, he will rejoice over me with singing (Zephaniah 3:17).

Quiet me in your flood of delight and quiet peace. Sing to me Jesus; I'm listening.

Not Provision but Presence

2008-07-05T22:14:00.004-05:00

The following devotional from Michael Card speaks volumes to me as I'm walking through this new and challenging journey of foster parenting. I've need his presence in fullness and richness like never before. Through the sufferings of illness, exhaustion and frustration, God is undoubtedly with me. Too often, though, I've looked to my own strength and hopefulness for sustenance. All the while, he is crying out, "I'm here. I'm with you. I'm sufficient."

"Who is Jesus for you? How is faithfulness written on his face? Might he impossibly be the very image of the God whose disturbing faithfulness to us looks like incarnation? Could it be that he came not to wave the magic wand and make the cancer go away, but to enter into our sufferings? Could it possibly be true that the best show of faithfulness is not the healing or the unexpected check, but the unthinkable truth that God has chosen to be with us through it all? Could it be that the greatest miracle is not provision, but presence?

"In what situations do you most need to know that God is with you? What are some practical ways you can do to remind yourself of his presence?"

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:20)

8:54 And All's Well

2008-06-30T20:36:00.006-05:00

Today, with the help of a couple of faithful, brave (and crazy) friends, I went to Target and Walmart. It won't be a regular outing.

In truth, everybody did very well, especially since we're still getting over illness. But I couldn't have done it alone; I know that with complete assurance. That's because they took care of things while I actually got the shopping done!

For the most part, we seem to be on the upswing from the strep throat that has plagued our home. (I bought three cans of Lysol, today). Darin and I still aren't at 100% capacity, but we're definitely better off than we were. Thanks, Lord!

My biggest hope and prayer is that we'll get a good night's sleep. Maybe we were able to wear out everybody from our adventures! I know I'm pooped!

For some reason, the Lord has centered my heart on the book of Ephesians this week. It's honestly not one of my favorite books of the Bible, but I've been blessed as I've read through it a couple of times (aloud, once as I read someone to sleep!).

Mostly, I've clung to the third chapter, verses 14-21. In reading it aloud, I could hear Paul praying for me in my exhausted, weary and discouraged state. Paul prayed for the Ephesians and for me to be strengthened with power through the Spirit in my inner being (vs. 16) - boy, do I need that right now! He prayed I might grasp how wide and long and high and deep Christ's love really is (vs. 18) that I might be filled with all of God's fullness (vs. 19). I need that, because my personal supply is running on empty. I don't have much left in the well to be poured out. And Paul assured me this week that God is able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or even imagine (vs. 20). I need an amazing God who can provide for needs I don't even know I have, according to his power that is at work within me, not according to what I can muster up.

So, even though I got less than four hours sleep last night, I can say with assurance that it's 8:54 and all's well, because my God is still bigger than my world and still loves me with unfailing, immeasurable love. I don't have to be a powerful "superwoman;" I get to be my exhausted, overwhelmed self in the presence of my comforting Daddy - the God of all creation.

Olympic Athletes .... Pssh

2008-06-25T21:50:00.001-05:00

I think caring for children must be incredible preparation for the Olympics. Since we've had the kids:

I've sprinted to catch streaking babies
I've hurdled baby gates to protect one child from another
I've had to dive to the floor to save the dog
I've contorted my body in gymnastic feats to hold down squirming bodies
I've lifted dead weight into the bathtub

Meanwhile, this marathon of sleep deprivation is taking every ounce of strength within me to keep from being the cranky, unpleasant person I usually am when I'm exhausted!

So, good luck to all those who will begin competition in Beijing in August, but I've got enough to keep me occupied here. And although I'll never win a gold medal; I wouldn't mind if the gold street that houses my mansion one day in heaven has a spa on the same block.

Breakthrough Diet Taking the World By Storm!

2008-06-19T19:13:00.008-05:00

Tabloids are exploding with the news of the latest diet straight from the pits of hell itself! Success is guaranteed, or your soul back!

You don't have to buy a book, follow certain food restrictions or even count calories or fat grams. This simple 3- step program begins by depriving yourself of as much sleep as possible so your immune defenses reach an all-time low. Next, develop a viral illness that brings on nausea, causing you to avoid meals at all costs - this is essential to the program. Finally, take medication that has side effects of vomiting and diarrhea. Yes, it really is that easy!

Julie Wood testifies: "This diet is life-changing! I lost 9 pounds in only 10 days!"

Follow these four easy steps and you, too, could find yourself needing a smaller pants size in only a week!

*Please consult your doctor before beginning any new diet or exercise regimen.*

For the record, I am doing better since the fever has begun to come down!

Down and Dirty

2008-06-17T07:33:00.006-05:00

In John 10:11 Jesus describes himself as "The Good Shepherd." While that was a picturesque description for those who lived and breathed in 1st century Israel, it doesn't speak with quite the same volume in 21st century U.S.

I've heard lots of sermons and read books that explained the work of a shepherd, in order to help communicate what Jesus meant by that self-description, but I think I'm getting a clearer picture, now. Naturally, our world has a new axis on which it turns: three kids in need of love, provision and discipline. Yet, we can't forget that the central foundation of our home is Darin's and my love for one another and the Lord.

The Good Shepherd was the same. He changed his axis point by revolving his world around us: "Though he was God, he did not cling to his rights as God. He appeared in human form" (Phil 2:6-7), but he kept his foundational point of intimate relationship with his Father central to his purposes. What strikes me most is not the details of being a shepherd - the tasks and responsibilities, but rather the simple fact that shepherding is dirty work (as is changing diapers). Jesus got dirty (so to speak) when he took that human form. He walked around in the literal dirt of Israel's soil and in the figurative dirt of a corrupt society's social and religious structure. In the grime of our sinful pride and foolish logic. We're pretty dirty sheep.

The question then begs itself, "Who are we to think we should not humble ourselves among the 'dirty' of the world?" Is their dirt more filthy than mine? Are there categories of "dirtiness"? Soil is dirt whether it's fill dirt, potting soil, sand or clay. God doesn't look at me and say, "Oh, well, Julie's dirt is cleaner than _______." Rather, he holds up Jesus next to me and says, "This is what it means to be created in my image" (Michael Card).

Adam and Eve were created from the dirt of the ground - we're all dirty people, in need of a Good Shepherd who laid down his life for his sheep. Jesus is asking me right now to get down and dirty with some little people in our church; who needs you to get down and dirty with them today?